Frum doula

Down Syndrome

2012-02-12T23:23:00.000-05:00

Today I got a random email from an old provider of ours. I was not even going to read it but I am glad I did because it contained exciting news. There is a Down Syndrome Awareness Center opening up in Morningside Heights, right near us.
Gigi's Playhouse was originally started as a play space for children with Down Syndrome by a parent of a little girl named Gigi. It has since evolved into a national organization with playhouses in different cities all over the US. They offer programming and educational activities for children of all ages and their parents.
The goal is to raise awareness about Down Syndrome, provide support to the parents and give the children a great place to learn, play and gain confidence. You can find out more information here.
The NY location is opening at the end of February and I am definitely going to check it out. Just another example of how networking is so important when trying to navigate the world of Special Needs.

Breastfeeding in the News

2012-02-11T22:25:00.002-05:00

It has not been a great week for breastfeeding...
First Staples co-founder Tom Stemberg complains that breastfeeding is going to cost the economy jobs and productivity. He is referring to a part of Obama's Affordable Care Act that requires employers to provide reasonable breaktime as well as a place other than a bathroom that is shielded from view to either nurse or pump milk for their babies. Stemberg refers to this private space as "lactation chambers."
Then a texas judge upheld a company's right to fire an employee for wanting to pump milk for her baby. From the article I linked to:

The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission filed a complaint on behalf of Donnicia Venters against debt collection agency Houston Funding. Donnicia Venters, 30, alleges the company violated Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which makes it illegal to discriminate against a woman "because of pregnancy, childbirth, or a medical condition related to pregnancy or childbirth."...

Joan Williams, law professor and director of the Center for Work Life Law at the University of California, Hastings, said, it "makes no sense at all" to say lactation is not a medical condition related to pregnancy or childbirth.

"Everybody knows that breastfeeding is a medical condition related to childbirth," Williams said.

I do not know much about the law, but I do think it is absurd to say that nursing is not related to birth. But Little Legal's blog explains that the Civil Right's Law says you are only protected against discrimination for things you have absolutely no choice about, unless otherwise specified. The Breastfeeding Discrimination Act only covers pregnancy, childbirth and related medical conditions. Therefore she says: because breastfeeding is a choice and not a medically “necessary” element of pregnancy or childbirth, most judges are not going to think it’s protected from discrimination.

I am happy that I do not have to contend with these issues, but it is mind boggling that these things are still happening in the year 2012!

My biggest issue with breastfeeding is doing it around people. I am very comfortable nursing in public with a blanket covering me. It does not really faze me but I can see that sometimes it makes others uncomfortable. I am not doing it to make a statement, rather just for convenience's sake. I do not like feeding babies in bathrooms or hiding in my bedroom unless absolutely necessary.

I do think by (unobtrusively)feeding in public we can do our part to help normalize breastfeeding and make it seem like a natural thing to do. Maybe then we won't have to hear people talking about "lactation chambers" (I mean really??) or listen to dubious claims that breastfeeding is not related to birth.

What do you think?

Developmental Psych and Me

2012-02-08T22:27:00.001-05:00

I have been kind of missing in action this week, for no particular reason. Somehow I never got around to writing. By the evening, I would just be too exhausted and I chose sleep over blogging. Which I think is a wise choice.
So far, school has been going well. I am taking developmental psychology which I find interesting. The professor talks fast and I do not always get to write everything down in my notes. But I know it is all in the book, so I am not too concerned. We have been discussing the different theories on development.
One of the theories speaks about the influence of context, i.e culture and society on development. I read my homework assignment aloud this week, in which I talked all about the cultural context of growing up in Europe. Not quite what the professor was expecting I think.
A different theory also discusses the influence of non-normative events on one's development. I definitely score big in this category- living abroad during high school, having complicated surgery at age 16, giving birth to a child with Down Syndrome at the age of 21...I think these all qualify.The question would be, I guess, how specifically these events influenced me. Something to ponder at a later date.
The behaviorist perspective is of interest to me as a mother. It talks all about stimulus/response and behavior modification by reinforcing certain behaviors and extinguishing others....This is what disciplining children is all about, especially at a young age. In its most rigid form, it is the basis for ABA therapy for children on the autistic spectrum.
Children definitely need this consistency and do well with sticker charts/rewards and consequences but the truth is that people are more complex than this behaviorist perspective. So even though, a certain behavior is being reinforced with positive feedback, other factors may come into play that will prevent a child from doing what you expect her to. If it really were that simple, there would not be so many mommy-blogs dedicated to women complaining about their crazy/uncooperative children. Not that I know any such blogs/mommys/chidren...:)
The next chapter is all about conception, pregnancy and birth- my favorite topics. Looking forward to share.

It's the Little Things

2012-02-04T21:44:00.000-05:00

Here are just a few of the things that made me happy this weekend:
- Baby AY slept a 6 (!) hour stretch. And I actually slept for 5 of those 6 hours.
- My husband and I went to a luncheon/kiddush this week after shul with just the baby who slept for most of it and only woke up at the end to nurse. It was a quasi-date, if you do not consider the 100 or so other people who were there too :)
- When I got home from my quasi-date, I discovered that my babysitter had not only watched the kids but also done my dishes from the night before. Have I mentioned how awesome our new Shabbos babysitter is?
- The kids had friends come over who kept them busy and occupied most of the afternoon. When they left, Y, M and I had an impromptu Uncle Moishy concert/sing-along that was fun.
All in all, a low-key, happy Shabbos. After last week's bad news, I treasure all the little, normal, fun moments.
Hoping there are plenty more of those in the upcoming week.

For Ayelet

2012-02-01T22:43:00.002-05:00

Why is it that you only appreciate what you have when confronted with loss?
We woke up yesterday morning to the sad news that little Ayelet Galena had passed away in the early hours of the morning. It was a shock and I have spent the last two days quietly mourning and reflecting on Ayelet and her incredible parents.
The truth is, I woke up on Tuesday feeling sorry for myself. It was the day of Y's annual IEP meeting. While we usually discuss how far he has come, most of the meeting is spent discussing new goals and how far he still has to go. But my little pity part was cut short when I read the news. How can I complain when I have four healthy children? Healthy enough to make messes, throw tantrums and blast Uncle Moishy at 5 45 am.
And yes I should be feeling that every day, but it gets lost amid the lack of sleep and the children who seem to be intent on stepping on my every last nerve and seeing how far they can push. This was a stark reminder of all my blessings, one that I probably needed.
My husband and I went to the funeral today. It was very sad but also very moving. There is something really powerful to be united in this way with hundreds (we estimate about 750 but it is hard to know) of people. We were all there together, to show support for Hindy and Seth, to comfort and be comforted.
And through the tears I also laughed at some of Hindy and Seth's comments but mostly I was inspired. Do you know that through the bone marrow drives that were held for Ayelet, a staggering 21 matches were found? This little two year old girl has been the conduit for saving all these lives. Her facebook group and blog inspired so many of us to pray, do good deeds and work on ourselves. She truly was a light and an inspiration.
If a two year old can bring out so much good and create so much light, who knows what our true potential is.
So I have been thinking a lot these past few days. Mourning this tremendous loss, feeling her family's pain while also appreciating the blessings I have and contemplating every individual's potential to accomplish so much.
Let us all resolve to spread a little bit more light. May her memory be for a blessing.

Supply and Demand

2012-01-29T21:50:00.000-05:00

I have always been blessed with a large milk supply. All of our babies have been pleasantly plump and with the exception of Y, who never really got the hang of nursing, my kids have been exclusively breastfed.
I never knew having too much milk could be a bad thing until I became more involved as a doula and started reading more about breastfeeding on a doula listserve I was on.
Oversupply and forceful letdown can lead to the baby pulling away, coughing and sputtering and even refusing to nurse. It can also cause the baby to take in too much thin foremilk and not enough of the essential hindmilk. This imbalance can lead to gas, reflux and/or irregular bowel movements. Basically an unhappy baby.
I kind of knew all this but did not really connect it to myself till this past week when I read The Feminist Breeder's post on why oversupply can be a bad thing. AY will often pull away when nursing, when the milk starts coming too fast and often has green stool, which also points to too much foremilk.
So I decided to implement some of the suggestions to alleviate these symptoms. These include nursing in a position where the baby is elevated. That means the milk is not flowing as fast because it is going against gravity. I am also experimenting with block feeding, which means only offering one side per feeding. This ensures that the baby is actually getting to the hindmilk and also helps to reduce milk supply in the long-term.
So far, it seems to be working. We have had a lot less fussiness and screaming these past few days. His bowel movements are more regular and a nice yellow color.
I am hoping the nights of screaming and crying are a thing of the past, although it may be too soon to tell. I am happy because it means I do not have to give up dairy, like some people were suggesting.
It also shows the importance of educating yourself and reading up on these topics. With child number four, I felt like I already knew everything there is to know about breastfeeding. But there is always more to learn. A great resource for all things related to breastfeeding is kellymom. Go check it out!

The Student Life

2012-01-27T14:30:00.002-05:00

I am now officially a student! With student ID and all. The first day of class was pretty uneventful. The professor seems nice and I do not think the material should be that difficult. Although I will have a midterm, paper and final to write. It's kind of nice being stimulated in this way. I was always one of those weird people who liked going to school and, depending on the class, was actually interested in the material we were covering. Dvelopmental Psychology is right up my alley, especially being privy to my children's development on a daily basis.
Speaking of school and development- I just got a note from Y's teacher that during circle time today, they all shared their favorite songs and Y sang an entire rendition of the Maccabeats' "Candlelight." He absolutely loves music and I am delighted that not only is he singing, but others are also able to identify the song and words, which was not always the case. A nice nachas moment to take into shabbos- have a good one!

Vacation is Hard Work

2012-01-25T23:39:00.001-05:00

Vacation week is a busy time for Mommys. I have been trying hard to find fun, inexpensive things for A to do. Many of her friends are away, mostly in Florida, and I wanted her to feel good about her winter break activities too. Plus get some alone-time with Mommy.
Thursday I organized a get together at the children's museum with some of her class-mates, then Friday was an off-day because of Shabbos prep. Monday she had a playdate and we went to the library, Tuesday we checked out the Museum of Natural History and today we took the subway into Brooklyn. Guess who is not getting anything done because she is spending all her time entertaining a 5 year old? That would be me!
A had gone on a schooltrip to a place called Kid's N Action in May and had been begging to go back ever since.We had considered it a few times but shlepping all the kids into Brooklyn just did not seem so appealing. Can you guess that we do not have a car?
This morning A finally got her wish. It took about an hour and 2 subways which was not too bad. The place was cute but honestly nothing super special. A, however, was very excited to be there. The only thing that would have made it more fun would have been a plamate or a sibling. These playspaces, rides and slides are always more entertaining when you are doing them with someone. We had lunch there as well (pizza and french fries) and got back to Manhattan just in time to pick M up from after-care at his preschool.
This trip was the highlight of A's week but she knows that tomorrow morning we are staying home and laying low, cooking for Shabbos and doing laundry! And getting ready to starting class tomorrow afternoon. I will be taking Developmental Psychology on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons. I am happy to be starting off with a course that I hope to be interesting and relatively easy. Beyond my doula and childbirth education training, I have not been in a formal school setting for a long time, about six or seven years. Hopefully I do not have complete Mommy brain.
In other news, we went to the pediatrician and the baby weighed in at 12lbs 3.8 oz. Growing nicely. He already has a double chin. AY was kind enough to scream throughout the entire appointment to give the doctor a sense of what goes on. He said it was totally normal (although annoying) infant behavior and will probably stop by three months. He has actually been better this week aside from all the screaming he did at the doctors. Light at the end of the tunnel?
Are your kids off this week? What have you been up to?

Guests and Snow

2012-01-22T22:12:00.002-05:00

It's funny. Since I posted about AY's colic/screaming, his crying at night has pretty much stopped. I guess he decided to prove me wrong. We are going to the pediatrician tomorrow for his 2 month well check-up so I guess I can discuss it with him just to be safe. I am very curious to see how much this little chunky man weighs...

This weekend was a big one, as it was the first week we were hosting guests again. I decided to be very organized and have all the ingredients I need to cook ready by Thursday morning.I cooked most of the food in Thursday and made Challah and dessert on Friday. The meal went very well, with the help of our new great babysitter who kept an eye on the kids. Other than the baby wanting to nurse just as we were washing for Challah and Y spilling grape juice, there were no major issues. Now that we are having guests, I really do feel like we are back to our old schedule, or maybe creating a new one?
This weekend there was also a lot of snow. We decided to gear up and go check it out this afternoon. The boys thought it was fabulous but A complained that it's boring and that she was cold. Boring seems to be her new favorite word. I am hoping the activities we have planned this week measure up to her high standards :)

If you have a minute to spare, please say Tehillim for Ayelet Galena, Ayelet Yakira bat Chaya Hinda Matel Nechama.
She is an adorable two-year old with a very rare genetic disease. Ayelet had a bone-marrow transplant this past summer and has been in the hospital since then, with lots of ups and unfortunately many downs as well. She is currently on a respirator and could use any positive thoughts/prayers/vibes/mitzvot sent her way. You can read more about Ayelet, on her parents' blog Eye on Ayelet

Note: I made a mistake with Ayelet's Hebrew Name. Please see correction above, I bolded the name that I had written incorrectly.

It's 8 pm- Official Cranky Time

2012-01-19T22:35:00.001-05:00

I will preface this post by saying I really should not complain because Baby AY is a pretty good sleeper. He has gone a decent stretch at night almost since he was born. When all the stars align properly, I am only waking up once a night to feed him and then again at 6 am, which is technically morning already even though I wish it wasn't. So once he is sleeping it is all good.
But there is always a catch. The problem in this case is the hours preceding his going to bed. AY has decided that 8 to 10 pm is his cranky time/witching hour/time to be colicky. When he is in a bad mood it can be 8 to 11. During that time there is a lot of crying and screaming going on and he needs to be held throughout.
Some nights he cluster feeds and falls asleep only to wake up crying as soon as he is put down. Other nights he just screams and cries like he is in pain and no amount of rocking/position changing and walking/wheeling him around the apartment helps until he has decided that he is done. When he has stomach aches, I cannot wear him in a babycarrier because the positioning is uncomfortable for him and he needs to be held in a way that supports his belly. Sometimes he will have a period like that during the day as well, although it's usually shorter.
We have never really had a baby that was a screamer so it is a new experience for us. My husband and I joked around that Y did not cry till he was about 5 days old and even then it was a meek little cry. The other two definitely cried but were usually easily calmed down, mostly by nursing or holding. This is my first time with a baby that will cry and sometimes not be comforted. Most of the time I can just pick him up and find a position that he likes that will quiet him down. But I have also come to accept that sometimes he is just going to cry no matter what I do. Accepting it does not make it less frustrating though. There is only so much screaming one can take before it starts to get to you. On bad nights, my husband and I tag-team the baby, taking turns holding him. Other nights, AY and I do the whole screaming/nursing/holding/putting down/wake up again screaming-dance alone. I get through it because I know eventually he will fall asleep and stay asleep for several hours.
But my nights are not quite my own these days; they are dictated by AY's moods. I have been getting a lot of reading done, both online and books/magazines because there is not much else you can do with a crying child in arms. I also walk around the apartment picking up toys with my one free arm or attempt to put in loads of laundry one-handedly. Tonight I organized a bin of random flashcards and other cards that are all part of different children's games. Like everything else, it is a phase/stage and I am sure he will outgrow it. Until then, it may be worth investing in a pair of earplugs.

Kids Update

2012-01-17T22:30:00.000-05:00

I cannot believe M's hair is all gone. He is very proud to have a big boy haircut although not so interested in wearing a kippa yet. He cooperated very well at the barber and does not seem to miss his hair at all.
I on the other hand am a bit sad. I miss his beautiful hair. He looks very cute with his new hairdo but I think I need some time to get used to it.

The funniest part of the Upsherin happened when M was singing a song for the crowd. Y was sitting next to him and wanted in on the action. So M turns to him and said "No, Y, it's not your birthday!" I am glad he was able to assert himself.
The boys were home yesterday for MLK Day. It was freezing so we stayed indoors most of the day. The boys actually played really well together and kept each other busy. We did venture out for a quick trip to see animals at the pet store and for some treats at Dunkin Donuts. A's semester break starts on Thursday. She will be off from school for 10 days. I am hoping to spend some quality time with her and take her on some girly trips that she does not usually get to do with her brothers.
Speaking of quality time, A had a special pajama party at school yesterday. Parents and students in kindergarten were invited to come back to the school at 5. We made an art project, had pizza and ice cream for dinner and then the parents were treated to a performance by the kids. They sang several songs and did a wonderful job. The evening ended with a slideshow with pictures of the kids. It was a very cute evening and A. was super excited about it.

A. enjoying her ice cream

My only complaint was that the event was scheduled from 5 to 7, smack in the middle of our dinner/bath routine. But my husband did an admirable job of holding down the fort with the boys at home.
I took this little man along though, because I have not introduced him to a bottle yet. He slept through the whole evening, which worked out very well!

spiky hairdo- ready to start growing his hair...

Update on Y will have to wait for another post. But speaking of kids, I wanted to share an article that has been making the rounds online about parenting. In Don't Carpe Diem, the author argues that it is hard to enjoy every minute of parenting but the end result is worth it, as are the magical moments with our kids that happen ever so often. I'd be curious to hear your thoughts...

The Upsherin in Pictures

2012-01-15T20:32:00.000-05:00

Star of the show

I will miss that beautiful hair!

Singing "Tov Li Toras Picha"

Reading the Aleph- Beis

with his proud Mommy

Tzitizis cake, thumbprints courtesy of Y.

At the barber

going...

going

gone!

Big Boy! Need to get used to this...

For more info on the custom of an Upsherin, go here

My Baby is Three

2012-01-12T21:00:00.003-05:00

Today is M's Hebrew birthday! I cannot believe he is three years old already.
M is a happy and easy-going kid, who almost always has a precious smile on his face (see pictures below). He loves puzzles and coloring and also loves attending his preschool which he territorially calls "My Chabad".

The birthday boy

Other thing M likes to do:
- sing- particularly Uncle Moishy and 8th Day (how is that for eclectic taste?)
- go to shul on Shabbos
- play in the playground
- play with his siblings: football, building houses out of couch cushions and going on pretend trips
- pet dogs
-watch videos on the iPad- current favorites: Arthur, Yo Gabba Gabba and Arthur
- eat lollipops, ice-cream and other treats (in moderation of course)

He is a very stubborn and persistent little man, but all our children seem to have inherited that trait. Hm, I wonder who they got that from. He will say the funniest and smartest things and it is hard to be mad at him, even though he definitely has a mischievous streak.

We had a birthday party today at school where he got to practice his aleph-beis. He got a kippa and tzitzis from his teachers. We sang Happy Birthday and shared cupcakes and sunglasses with his friends. A great time was had by all

Pointing to the letter "Mem", the first letter in his name

Hugging the Torah

Giving Tzedaka

Big Brother with Mommy and the baby

With his Abba. Check out M's million dollar smile

M was so excited to have a party. It was a good practice round for Sunday, when we will be having a bigger party including the Upsheren, M's first haircut. I am curious to see what he will look like, though we certainly will miss that beautiful hair. More picturs and updates to come.

PS: Funny story. I had bought mini-cupcakes on Tuesday for the party on Thursday. I was hesitant to buy them early because I knew the kids would want them. So I hid them in a cabinet before anyone came home. Turns out I need a new hiding place because when I woke up on Wednesday morning, I was greeted by the sight of Y and M enjoying the cupcakes. They had eaten about 8 of the dozen. I told M that those were the cupcakes for his friends and asked him what his friends would eat now. I obviously bought another package on Thursday morning and when I took them out of my bag at the party, M announced to the class "Oh, we bought new cupcakes!"

Wanted: Sleep

2012-01-10T22:24:00.000-05:00

Like I mentioned in a previous post, I do not function very well without sleep. And recently, our kids have not been very forthcoming on that front. Ironically, it is not even the baby who is keeping us up, at least not an unreasonable amount. I could deal with the nighttime nursing if I did not also have to contend with the other kids' antics.
For the past few months, Y has been having trouble falling asleep at night. Then he started waking up earlier and earlier, some days 5 am or 5 30. 6 30 is a good day. Sometimes for fun he would wake M up too.
My husband and I are both not early risers or morning people so we would let them play on their own while we tried to sleep, with often disastrous consequences- cocoa powder all over the couch, Pam sprayed all over our wood floors, spilled juice, etc.
Then a few weeks ago, M started waking up in the middle of the night too. One morning I found him watching videos glassy-eyed at 6 30 am. When I took away the iPad (note to self, don't leave entertainment sitting out for the kids to access on their own), he announced that he was going to bed. Within 30 seconds he was sleeping and he slept for three hours that morning, which led me to believe that he has been up for several hours in the middle of the night, watching Barney or Fireman Sam.
Last night was the last straw. I woke up in the middle of the night to the sounds of the boys laughing and playing. I assumed it was early morning and asked my husband to check on them. Whereupon we discovered that it was actually 2 30 am, not even remotely a time to wake up. It took two attempts to get Y back to bed...
This morning I was tired and cranky and decided that this has to stop. I spoke to the pediatrician, who said it was probably connected to a growth spurt or acquiring a new skill. She encouraged me to make strict rules about staying in bed, not waking the others and not making a mess. She also said we could try Melatonin as it works for some kids.
The problem is, Y does not really follow rules. Sometimes I am not sure if he does not understand them or just chooses to ignore them. He does not always understand rewards and consequences either, especially when they are more abstract and not immediate. So the next step is to speak to a behavioral specialist who can help us set appropriate limits for him with good reinforcers/consequences that are meaningful for him and will motivate him to comply. This is something I have been wanting to do for a while anyway in other realms such as safety awareness and sibling interactions but the sleep issue has finally gotten this project to the top of my "to-do" lists. I will report back once we have a plan in place, in case it could be helpful for others.
In the meantime, here is to hoping for a quiet night on all fronts.

Reunion

2012-01-08T21:48:00.003-05:00

Last night I had the opportunity to attend my 10-year High School Reunion. Well technically it's been almost 11 years but let's not get so technical. The reunion was actually held at my old school, in the ballroom that does not seem to have changed one bit in the last ten years. Why our school has a ballroom is a valid question, one I do not know the answer to.
Of the 80-something girls in our grade, I would say about 35 or so showed up. I was actually looking forward to going, even though high school was not my favorite time. I thought it would be fun to see everyone and catch up. The truth is, I had seen many of my classmates at a wedding about a year and a half ago and also reconnected with many of them on facebook, so I kind of knew what most of them were doing. Still, I will take pretty much any excuse to get out of the house these days.
So off I went with Baby AY. I was not ready to leave him home for several hours. He has yet to take a bottle, although I do want to start pumping and introducing him to a bottle soon.
It was definitely a fun evening. It was interesting to see where everybody is in life, who chose what profession, who is still in school and who is pursuing mommy-ing full-time. Some of it was predictable, some of it not as much. The majority of us are married with kids so there was a lot of comparing notes on that front. We watched some hilarious videos of our high-school performances and did high school trivia questions, most of which I did not know the answer to. AY did his usual cranky evening routine and cried for about an hour straight. Thankfully, people were pretty tolerant, other than giving useless advice to feed him or hold him a certain way.
The evening ended way too late and I had to wait for my ride, which meant I did not get home till midnight. For a sleep-deprived mommy of four, that is super-late. But I am so happy that I went.
The reunion also got me feeling all nostalgic, thinking back to what I was like in high school, what my goals and dream were. I can definitely say that my life did not play itself out the way I thought it would. Here are just some of the things I did not expect to be doing ten years down the line :
-living in the US
-raising a child with Down Syndrome
-being a Rabbi's wife
-working as a doula/advocating for homebirth
-knitting
-pursuing a nursing degree (I was never a science person), etc,
This is not necessarily a bad thing. It just shows that things do not always go as expected.
Yet in many ways I am still the same introverted, music-loving, journal-writing, coffee-drinking, deep-thinking (or so I like to believe) woman who does not neatly fit into any boxes. Slowly learning that life is really a journey rather than a destination and trying to remember to enjoy the wild ride. So thanks for the memories BHS. Looking forward to seeing you all again in ten years, and hopefully even sooner.

My big news is...

2012-01-06T15:09:00.000-05:00

I am going back to school. I got my acceptance letter last week and class starts January 25th. When I told my mother and my sister, they both had the same reaction, "Oh, to become a midwife?" I laughed and said "almost." The goal is to become a nurse, ideally working in L&D (labor and delivery). The tentative plan is to do my science pre-requisites at a local college slowly, taking one or two courses a semester. That should take about 18 months. After that I would continue on to an accelerated BSN program. There are several to choose from in the area. If everything goes according to plan, which rarely happens, I could theoretically be done in three years, January of 2015.
I have been thinking about becoming a nurse for quite some time, but was always nervous about committing time, money and energy to this project. What gave me the push to go for it is that I have the rare opportunity to take college courses pretty much for free, a benefit of my husband's job. I am still a little anxious how I am going to manage school with four kids but then I remind myself I am doing this slowly. I am not committing myself to anything beyond a course or two this semester and then we will see how it goes.
My decision to become a nurse of all things is definitely connected to my interest in birth. I love working as a doula but am recognizing that it does not fit into my life right now. I don't have the entrepreneurial skill it takes to network and market myself in order to find clients. And the unpredictability of being on call and potentially being gone for 24 hours at a time on short notice does not work for me at the moment.
Even though, I had a homebirth this time, I recognize that the majority of women will continue to give birth in hospitals. I hope to be able to make a difference one woman at a time by being an encouraging and supportive voice on their journey to becoming a mother.
But I am far away from that. Right now I will be focusing on passing Chemistry and Statistics...and more immediately, getting ready for shabbos. Have a wonderful shabbos!

The Babywearing Knitting Solution

2012-01-04T22:51:00.000-05:00

As I mentioned in previous posts, I have been getting a lot of use out of my baby carriers but as the weather is getting colder, I am struggling with not being able to close my coats. I feel that both AY and I could use a bit more warmth. I briefly considered buying a babywearing coat, but at a cost of 150-300 dollars, I felt they were too pricey for my budget.
But today I found a solution in an unusual way. We got a lot of presents for Baby AY. I thought it was so nice of people but the truth is I really don't need that much clothing for him and some of it is not the right size. So I have slowly started the process of exchanging things that came with gift receipts. Note to self and others- always include a gift receipt.
This morning, I decided to brave the cold and to head downtown to Buy Buy Baby. I was returning a snowsuit that was too big (size 9 months- by the time it will fit him, it will hopefully be summer!) and in exchange getting these great swaddle cloths/blankets by aden and anais that I have wanted for a while but could not justify spending 40 dollars on. Somehow, when it's someone else's money it is more palatable :)

Anyway, in the store I saw a woman wearing her baby in a regular coat with a great attachment that buttoned over the baby carrier. I asked her where she bought it and she told me she had knit it herself. After looking it over again, determined that I could definitely knit that. I came home, googled baby carrier covers and voila, my next knitting project

The original pattern is called seaweed and is from an now defunct blog called Das Leben und so. As a bonus, the writer of the blog is German-speaking.
My only problem is that my coat has a zipper and does not have buttons but I am thinking of attaching snaps or hooks to it. This should be a relatively easy and quick project. I will post pictures when I am done and (hopefully) nice and toasty!

On a completely unrelated note- check out this article on raising half a dozen kids. Always nice to read positive thoughts about large families.

2011 Blog in Review

2012-01-02T22:21:00.003-05:00

It's been a busy year both in real life and on this little blog. I decided to take a look back to review all the fun things that happened.

In January, I flew to Vienna for a week's vacation with just M. It was fabulous.We also celebrated his second birthday while we were there.

February brought the death of my beloved Oma. I cannot believe it's been almost a year....I still miss her.

March brought more sad news, the terrible massacre of the Fogel Familyin Israel, but the joy of Purim did inject some light into this otherwise dark time.

In April I was preoccupied with cooking and cleaning for Pessach/Passover. Part of the challenge was that i was in my first trimester of pregnancy and extremely tired and nauseaus. But I was not sharing that on the blog (yet).

In May, our family attended the always amazing Yachad Family Shabbaton for families of children with special needs. M also managed to split his eyebrow open at the park, necessating about 15 stitches.

In June, we celebrated Y's birthday and also had a successful DVD-Free Week because the kids video watching habit was getting out of control. I am actually gearing up for iPad free week soon, but am not quite ready yet.

July brought the purchase of an iPad for Y- although it quickly became everyone's favorite toy. I also celebrated my birthday and announced my pregnancy :)

August is the month of our annual family Israel trip. The trip was wonderful as always although physically very stressful on my pregnant body. We got to spend lots of time with extended family as well as do lots of fun things with our little family.

September was the month of A.'s birthday as well as (finally) getting everyone settled back in school.

October was full of Jewish holidays and getting ready for our baby's arrival

In November I joined National Blog Post Month and tried to blog every day. I fell one day short but it was a fun experiment nonetheless. Plus there was the excitement of AY's birth, so I had lots of opportunities to post updates.

December was mostly about Baby AY. I posted about resting and recovering, my birth story as well as general info about homebirth. I also wrote about my strategies for "doing it all" and finally got back to knitting.

What's in store for 2012? The main thing on the agenda will be adjusting to life with four children and getting to a new "normal" schedule. I also have an exciting announcement coming up (...no, I am not pregnant. Been there, done that! ) so stay tuned.

How was your 2011? Any big plans for 2012?

Knitting- Mismatched or Funky?

2011-12-30T15:34:00.000-05:00

One thing I haven't had a chance to do much since AY has been born is knitting. My hands are literally and figuratively always full- holding the baby, helping the other kids, catching up on chores, etc.
But I do miss it. There is something very calming about knitting and we all know I could use some more calm and sanity in our chaotic loving home. So I am slowly trying to get back to it,
A few days before AY was born, I had finished one glove out of a set of finger-less gloves. I thought it looked really cool and was looking forward to starting on the second one. I thought they were useful too because they could keep me warm and I would be able to help out the kids- wipe noses, button coats, etc. without constantly taking my gloves on and off.

Then AY was born and my knitting obviously got put on the back burner. But this past week, I really got the knitting itch and in between the baby's naps and other gaps in time, I managed to finish the other one.

Except they don't match. This was all knit from the same skein of yarn. The yarn is self-striping and the colors keep changing. I noticed this as I was knitting but I was hoping there was enough commonality in them for it to look like a set.

Um not so much. So now I am not sure...knit another one and hope it matches better? Or maybe just wear them like that and hope people think it's cool and funky rather than mismatched and weird. It's all a matter of perspective I guess. What do you think? Shabbat Shalom!

This is How I Do It- Expanded Version

2011-12-28T16:33:00.002-05:00

Here are my secrets to keeping it all (or most of it) together. For more suggestions, check out Ellen's guest bloggers at Love That Max.

1) Sleep/Self-Care
Here is a fact about me: I need a lot of sleep to function. Some people I know (including my husband) can run on 6 or less hours but I have found that I need at least 7 or 8 in order to feel like a human being. If I do not sleep enough, I am cranky, impatient and everybody suffers.
My children are lively and full of energy and in order to keep up with them, I need to sleep. A lot. So I do. Now with a newborn, getting sleep is obviously a bit trickier but I am trying to go to sleep early and also to take naps when I can.
For me, making sure I sleep is part of taking care of myself and making sure my needs get met. Because if I am running on empty, I can't give to all the members of my family, special needs or not, who need something for me. Along the same lines, I try to carve out time for myself (ie yoga/knitting/blogging),to have date nights with my husband, etc but my number one necessity is sleep.

2) Help-
When Y was first born, I felt like I had to do it all by myself or I was not a "good" mother. And for a while I did. Then A. was born 15 months later and I still thought I had to do it all. After all, as a stay-at-home mom this was my "job" so I was responsible to do it. A few mini-breakdowns later, I learned my lesson. I may be the mom, but it's okay to delegate or outsource some tasks. I started having some cleaning help, then a few hours of babysitting and I have not looked back.
Well that is not entirely true. Every once in a while I feel badly that I need to rely on the help of others so much, whether volunteer or paid. Then I remind myself that I have four kids aged 6.5 and under, one of whom has special needs and little to no safety awareness, one of whom is a preschooler with no impulse control or safety awareness, one of whom is an infant and one of whom is fairly typical while still a stubborn drama queen. So if I cannot take all of them to the park or supermarket by myself for the next few weeks or months, that is okay.
My husband is busy with his job, my parents and siblings are across the ocean and my in-laws travel a lot, which often means if I need help, I need to hire someone (or every once in a while find some good-hearted volunteers). We are fortunate to qualify for some funding to pay for care for Y., so that alleviates some of the financial burden, but I strongly believe that at certain times, hiring a babysitter is a necessity and not a luxury.
Here are some times I enlist help for the sake of my sanity:
- The 4 to 6 pm afternoon rush- pick-ups from school, Hebrew school, After-school activities, homework, dinner, baths, etc. Need I say more?
- Doctors or therapy appointments: I only take the child that has the appointment, the rest stay home with a sitter. I have a hard enough time keeping one kid entertained in a waiting room, I am not about to show up with my whole crew. Plus the appointment can double as some alone-time with that child.
- Going to shul: Y is prone to wandering off, so I need someone solely focused on him.
- Hosting large quantities of guests for Shabbos meals: I cannot serve food and take care of my kids' needs at the same time, not to mention the possibility of actually sitting down, eating and talking to our guests.

3) I don't do it all-
There are only so many hours in a day, especially if you are sleeping for 7 or 8 of them! Sometimes things don't get done, sometimes they are forgotten or pushed off. Sometimes I am just plain lazy and do not want to do whatever it is that needs to get done. Sometimes my children and I need a break from working on goals/play skills or whatever else is on the agenda. Calls are not made or appointments are missed. Children are still not toilet-trained. But that is okay. I am trying to do the best that I can with the tools that I have. Tomorrow is another day. And the day after that is too.

So this is how I do it. I sleep, I ask for help and sometimes I take a break and just don't do it. Caffeine and chocolate also play a large part. What are your tips and tricks for getting it all done and staying sane?

This Is How I Do It

2011-12-26T22:35:00.002-05:00

Ellen at Love that Max is having a guest-post series this week called "This is how I do it"- Parents of children with special needs share their tricks on how they manage to juggle it all and stay sane. The first one was interesting and I am looking forward to reading them all. Go check it out!
Even though, no one asked me to contribute, I thought I would share my own top three:
1) Sleep/Self-Care
2) Help
3) I don't do it all

Explanations and more details to follow tomorrow. Right now I am going to follow tip number 1- sleep!

Celebrating Milestones

2011-12-25T22:09:00.001-05:00

Eight years ago, on the sixth night of Channukah, my husband and I got engaged. Eight years later, there we were, trying to install four carseats and wrangle four children into the mini-van we had rented for the afternoon to go visit cousins in New Jersey. 15 minutes later, as we were finally ready to drive off, my husband and I looked at each other, not quite believing that we have officially outgrown a sedan and are now a mini-van family.
A lot has happened and changed over the last eight years. We now have an entourage- a carload full of spunky kids. I am happy to report that we still argue about the same things...kidding! And we still celebrate all the big and little milestones, including Baby AY's 4 week birthday! So Happy Engagement Anniversary to us!

Happy Channukah

2011-12-23T14:25:00.001-05:00

We are almost ready for Shabbos Channukah. Highlights include my inlaws coming, yet more gifts/toys four our kids and Baby AY turning 4 weeks old. I can't believe how big he got. At his well visit last Tuesday, he was already 8lbs 15 so I am assuming we have cleared the 9 lb mark by now. And he is much more alert these days, which is nice to see. Although whenever he is awake, he wants to be held, so I am getting a lot of use out of my baby carriers.

Saturday night we have a family party and then Sunday afternoon we are going to, you guessed it, yet another Channukah party. It's nice to spend tuime with all this family we usually don't see so often, but it gets a bit overwhelming especially with our kids overdosing on sugar and going to bed too late.

But I am going to try and stay positive and enjoy the craziness. In that spirit, I will share with you, Y's new favorite Channukah video. Chag Urim Sameach!

Channukah Parties Galore

2011-12-21T21:32:00.000-05:00

Channukah has arrived and with it lots of latkes, donuts, chocolate and gifts.
Last night was the first night and after candle lighting, we gave the kids some gifts and played dreidel.
Today, M had a Channukah party at school. He was so excited that I came and he participated beautifully, singing all the songs with his Morahs.

M is super happy to be having a Channukah party

M "reading" the song sheet that has all the lyrics

M enjoying donuts. His baby brother slept through the party!

This evening we also had a party at our shul. There was pizza and latkes as well as art projects and a magician.

The highlight of the evening was when the magician made balloon shapes for all the kids there. Of course my kids were the last in line and we had to wait forever...the magician made Y. a little dog and hearts for both A. and M. On the way home, M. dropped his balloon and it popped. He then dramatically exclaimed, "Mommy, my heart is broken!" It was a classic moment.
The boys still need quite a few reminders about fire safety and staying away from matches and candles, but otherwise the kids are all really enjoying the holiday and overdosing on chocolate "gelt".
Tomorrow I am going to Y's school to tell the students a bit about Channukah, and then my inlaws are coming to spend the weekend with us with yet more gifts for the kids. What's not to love?
Wishing you all a "lichtige" Channukah!

Out on the Town

2011-12-18T21:54:00.001-05:00

Had to share this great picture of me and our whole crew out and about. We went to the Children's Museum today. I was not brave/crazy enough to attempt going by myself. My husband came along and took this picture as we were trying to hail a cab home. In the end, we could not find a taxi (maybe they got scared off when they saw us) and decided to take a bus instead because it was getting late and it was too cold to walk.
I think the people on the bus were entertained by our crew. Y was trying to move to the back of the bus while my husband was holding him to make sure he did not escape. M was standing on his chair to get a better view out the window, while I was holding on to him to make sure he did not fall. A. was behaving herself (as usual) and AY was nice enough to stay asleep in the sling and not want to be fed until we all made it home. Just a typical day in the life ....

Homebirth- Part 1

2011-12-17T23:32:00.001-05:00

Before writing about homebirth, I want to stress that I am not trying to convince anyone to have a homebirth or that homebirth is the only/optimal way. I strongly believe every woman needs to educate herself and make the choices that work for her and her family. My aim is just to show that homebirth is a viable and safe option for most low-risk women.
When discussing homebirth and its safety, I am referring to planned homebirths attended by certified and licensed midwives, whether they be CNM (certified nurse midwives) or CPM (direct-entry midwives). I do not mean accidental homebirth, where the woman did not make it to the hospital in time, or unassisted childbirth, which is a whole topic onto itself .
A certified nurse midwife has undergone rigorous training and can provide pretty much the same care as doctors- she can monitor the baby's heart rate, give IVs of fluid or antibiotics if necessary, repair any tears, administer pitocin to help postpartum bleeding, do newborn assessment as well as neonatal resuscitation. What a midwife cannot do is administer an epidural or perform a C-section.
Study after study has shown that homebirth is as safe, if not safer than birth in hospitals. The neonatal and maternal mortality rates at home are the same to those in hospitals. If you would like to see a study that backs this claim up, click here. Another study done in the Netherlands can be found here. You can find links to other studies in this post. Intervention rates of home births, as you can imagine are much lower- To quote one above mentioned study
Individual rates of medical intervention for home births were consistently less than half those in hospital, whether compared with a relatively low risk group (singleton, vertex, 37 weeks or more gestation) that will have a small percentage of higher risk births or the general population having hospital births (table 3). Compared with the relatively low risk hospital group, intended home births were associated with lower rates of electronic fetal monitoring (9.6% versus 84.3%), episiotomy (2.1% versus 33.0%), caesarean section (3.7% versus 19.0%), and vacuum extraction (0.6% versus 5.5%). The caesarean rate for intended home births was 8.3% among primiparous women and 1.6% among multiparous women."
Additionally, here is a study that finds the midwifery model of care to be superior to the other models, in terms of outcomes for mothers and babies.
In case you are wondering what the Midwifery model of care is, here is an excerpt from the website of the Midwives Alliance of North America:

Midwives Model of Care™
The Midwives Model of Care™ is based on the fact that pregnancy and birth are normal life events. The Midwives Model of Care includes:

monitoring the physical, psychological and social well-being of the mother throughout the childbearing cycle
providing the mother with individualized education, counseling, and prenatal care, continuous hands-on assistance during labor and delivery, and postpartum support
minimizing technological interventions and;
identifying and referring women who require obstetrical attention

The application of this model has been proven to reduce to incidence of birth injury, trauma, and cesarean section.

I don't want to bore everyone here with statistics, and there is no need to reinvent the wheel. There are many excellent websites that have great information about homebirths, you just have to find them. Here are just a few:

Choices in Childbirth
NY Homebirth Midwives
Bring Birth Home
Why Homebirth- an article in midwifery today

Coming up in Part 2- "What if something goes wrong/Thoughts about Risk" and "How exactly does this work?"

Busy Day

2011-12-15T23:07:00.001-05:00

Today was going to be the day when I finally post some info on homebirth...but it has been a busy day and my bed is calling. In my quest to get back to a normal schedule, here are some of the things I accomplished:
-buy Channukah presents for the kids, although I still need something for Y.
-buy a pretty sweater for myself (thanks Mom!)
-pick M up from school. This is totally worth it because he is so excited to see me. He says, " My Mommy's here with my new baby brother!"
-cook food for shabbos AND dinner
- pick up A from school as a surprise and have her proudly introduce Baby AY to her Morahs and friends
- the regular homework/dinner/bath/bedtime craziness
-finally order thank you cards on snapfish with this cute picture on them. Plus I had a 50 percent off coupon.

- hold this cute baby for about two hours straight because 8 30 to 10 30 seems to be his cranky time.
Now that he has finally fallen asleep, I am going to take this as my cue to try and get to bed too.
But to get things started a little bit, I'll share one great article about homebirth.- Why women should not fear homebirth by Mayim Bialik. I hope some of you read it and share your thoughts

Life with Four

2011-12-13T23:01:00.002-05:00

As my parents' departure looms closer, I am starting to think about what life will be like when I am on my own with my crew. I think my biggest challenge will be the morning- getting all of us dressed, bundled up and and out of the house in time to catch A's bus across the street at 7 36. If I can manage that, the rest should be a cinch. The other crazy time in our home is 4 to 6 pm but I usually have help at that time to make sure everyone gets fed, bathed and their homework done before going to bed.
Two interesting developments that could make the next few weeks challenging: One of our longtime babysitters is going to Italy for a semester abroad at the beginning of January, so next week is her last week helping out. Finding a good caregiver is hard. This particular young woman has been working with our kids on and off for two years now on different days and in different ways. She really loves our kids and knows them well. She will be sorely missed...and I need to find someone to replace her. If anyone reading this knows any students who may be available to help out Mondays and Wednesday afternoons after 3 45, send them my way...I am totally serious!
Secondly, Y and M will be off from school for a week at the end of December for a holiday break. Friendship Circle is running a winter camp for children with special needs so I think I will sign Y up. Having him home all week needing to be entertained could prove to be a bit overwhelming.
Speaking of overwhelming, two of my favorite bloggers wrote posts this week about the insanity that is life with four young children (excuse some of the language...they have had a rough day!). I had to laugh at Mama Birth's and Melissa's descriptions of their kids' antics...but not too much, because I know that that may be me in a few weeks. Something to look forward to :)

Ready to Leave Hibernation

2011-12-11T20:46:00.001-05:00

AY is officially two weeks old and I am ready to rejoin the world. When M was born, my midwife at the time suggested to me that I not leave the house for the first two weeks so I would not overdo it. At the time, it seemed a little crazy to me, but I decided to give it a try.
I thought I would go stir-crazy not going out for so long but the truth was, it was really relaxing to just be home. And it definitely was a good safeguard to not overexert myself. So when AY was born, I decided to do the same thing. For the first week of his life, I left the house only two times- for a pediatrician's visit and to take A to buy shoes at a store around the corner (this was not really planned but I felt that she needed a little extra attention)
The second week, I only left the house on Sunday to go to the bris. This past Friday, I decided that I was feeling well enough and was ready to get some air. I picked M up from school and it felt nice to be outdoors again, and to see some people other than my lovely family. Last night I went out for some frozen yogurt and today, my mom and I took the older kids to the playground, which was my longest outing yet.
So I guess I am now officially leaving the house again. As nice as it was to have this time to rest. I am looking forward to getting out a bit, taking AY for some walks, doing some of my own errands rather than relying on others and taking M to school. And I am definitely ready to rejoin civilization.

And now for some Channukah fun- presenting the Maccabeats singing Matisahu's "Miracle"
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Baby update

2011-12-08T22:31:00.001-05:00

AY is almost two weeks old! Time really has flown by, it's mostly been a blur of nursing, changing and holding the baby, along with lots of time spent in bed sleeping or at least attempting to sleep.
AY will sleep nice stretches, but when he is up, he wants to be held most of the time. I have been trying out the sling I got and he seems to like it. It's pretty comfortable and I have my hands free. I can see myself using it a lot, especially once I start taking the kids down to the bus again. I also want to find my Moby wrap which I seemed to have stored away somewhere.
I am definitely feeling much stronger this week. I don't collapse into bed by 8 pm anymore and I have gotten some projects done, including putting away my maternity clothes and swapping it for my winter stuff. The next step is organizing all the baby clothes we got as gifts. And if I am really ambitious I might even start working on thank-you cards...but that can probably wait another week or two.
My parents are still here for another week, which will give me some time to ease into my regular routine. Next week I want to start doing some of the pick-up and drop offs for school again and also cook a bit. People have been really generous with sending us dinners, but I think I am ready to start choosing my own menu, rather than being surprised every evening and hoping the kids will like the offerings.
I know it is too soon to expect a routine and a schedule but I do hope we will get there in the next few weeks. Meanwhile, I want to try and enjoy this time, rather than just trying to get through it. The little man has already graduated from Newborn diapers to size 1...before we blink, he won't be so little anymore!

AY's birth story

2011-12-06T20:58:00.000-05:00

My doula Leda came for a postpartum visit today and presented me with a lovely birth story. This inspired me to finally write down my own version. Note- if you do not like birth stories and do not want to read about mucous plugs, contractions and amniotic fluid, stop reading right now. Otherwise, consider yourself warned and read on:
During this pregnancy, I started having Braxton Hicks/ pre-labor contractions pretty early on, around 34 weeks. I was surprised, but my midwife Miriam reassured me that it was normal for symptoms to appear earlier in subsequent pregnancies. On November 7th, in my 36th week, I had a day of more intense contractions and all around weird sensations and I thought I may be in labor and that my water had broken (it had not). The sensations went away in the evening though and for the next few weeks, I went about my regular business, having some days with more contractions, others with less. I tried to rest up more, especially at nights. I always knew the contractions were not real labor because they did not hurt that much and because they stopped when I was lying down.
I saw my midwife Wednesday before Thanksgiving and she said everything looked great. We scheduled our next visit for Thursday, December 1st, my due date. My husband laughed and said there was no way we were still going to be seeing her pregnant that day.
Friday November 25th started out as a pretty regular day. The kids were all home so we spent time at the park in the morning and then the afternoon getting ready for shabbos. A little bit after candle-lighting, I noticed that I was having a lot of discharge, more than usual. This continued on for most of the evening so I asked my husband if I could call the midwife just to check in and see if it might be amniotic fluid. I told her what was going on and she told me she thought it was my mucous plug and not amniotic fluid. She also told me how to check to be sure, to go to bed early and call her if anything changes.
I went to bed early and had a pretty good night's sleep although I just felt something was going on. I was not having a lot of contractions, but something felt different. I also remember having a few contractions lying down and thinking it was weird, because I had never had contractions in bed.
Shabbos morning I woke up and soon after started having real contractions. They felt different than the Braxton- Hicks because they were stronger, although still not very painful. They were coming about every 15 to 20 minutes. I told my husband to go to shul but to make sure the janitor would pick up the phone in case I needed him. I was not sure if I should go to shul, but once I saw that the contractions were still irregular and not hard to deal with, I decided to take the kids. I figured it would distract me and also keep them busy. It is hard for them to be home all day so I wanted to take them out.
Shul was pretty uneventful. We only went around 10 45 and left about 12 so we were not there for that long. I was able to daven and interact with people at the kiddush after, while every 20 minutes or so taking 45 seconds to surreptitiously breathe through a contraction. Around 12 I decided it was probably best to head home. We then had a pretty normal shabbos lunch. I wanted to go about with my routine as much as possible until I felt like I could not anymore. So I served everyone lunch and I ate a good meal to make sure I was well nourished and hydrated for labor. We sang songs and talked about the parsha with the kids.
The contractions started feeling stronger and coming closer together. At some point my husband walked into the kitchen while I was leaning into the counter and breathing/swaying. He shook his head and said something like, "It's a good thing you know about this stuff and are calm."
By now I knew this baby was coming that day, it was just a question of when. We discussed dropping the kids off by friends but there were some teenage girls coming over to play with them around 3, so we decided to wait and see what was going on once the girls left. Maybe we could stall till bedtime or at least till shabbos was over when we could distract the kids with the iPad.
We finished lunch around 1 45 and I told my husband to go rest because I could not sleep with contractions anyway. I decided to read on the couch while the kids played. The contractions were closer together when I was actively moving around so I was trying to stall a bit by staying lying down. The contractions were more uncomfortable that way. The kids still had no idea anything was going on. They did not really notice me breathing through contractions and I wasn't doing anything else at this point.
When the girls arrived to watch the kids around 3, I excused myself to go lie down. I called Miriam to tell her what was going on. Because the contractions were still spaced out when resting, she thought I probably still had some time but told me she would be close by, awaiting my call. I was a bit disappointed because I thought she would come right over, but decided Miriam was probably right and there was still more time.
I tried to lie down and rest a bit, but I was too excited by all the happenings. Plus I could not stay lying down during the contractions which were now 7-8 minutes apart and getting stronger.
The turning point came at 3 45 when I went to the bathroom and all of a sudden, started having contractions every 2-3 minutes. I stayed in the bathroom for a bit because I felt more comfortable there but when I saw that they were not slowing down and also thought my water might have broken, I realized I needed to call Miriam back.
I called Miriam around 4 10 and told her I was ready for her to come ASAP. I also called my doula Leda who happened to be on her way to the West Side anyway. She said if I was calling her on Shabbos, something must really be going on. It was a little strange making all these calls on Shabbos, but I knew it was the right thing to do. If anything I probably should have called earlier!
From here, everything went really fast. My husband asked the girls to stay so he could daven mincha. He would watch the kids till the end of shabbos and then put on a video for them. There was only 45 minutes left till the end of Shabbos so that seemed to make sense.
He also brought me some water. Meanwhile I decided to get in the shower to cope with the contractions. By now they were really intense but thankfully they were very short, maybe 30 seconds or so. Maybe 45. I wasn't timing anything at this point, just trying to get through one at a time. The shower was incredibly helpful. I let the water run down my back while leaning into the wall and moaning.
I could have just stayed there. I did not really want to move but I realized I was close to pushing and decided to call Miriam again to make sure she was really coming! Just as I came out of the bathroom, Miriam walked in. It was 4 45 and I was so relieved to see her. I told her I thought I was almost ready to push and she took one look at me and agreed. She checked the baby's heartbeat and said it sounded great.
About two contractions later, Leda walked in and I started to feel a real urge to push. At 4 57, with one of my first pushes, my water broke. At first I was pushing standing up but then I decided to move onto my bed. This was my first time pushing self-directed rather than the counting way they do in the hospital. It felt better this way to push when I felt the need to, rather than when the doctor tells you to. I could feel the baby moving down, although I could not see anything because of the position I was in.
At this point, Leda asked if she should go get my husband and take over the kids. I was very much in the moment and did not want her to leave my side. I also was not sure how he could be in the room for modesty reasons. Looking back, I regret that decision. I did not realize how soon the baby was going to be born and I wish he could have been there. I was also just really focused on getting the baby OUT. Throughout my labor I had been pretty calm and in control, even through what must have been transition while I was in the shower. But now I was starting to lose it and just wanted it to be over. With every push I kept asking if the head was crowning yet. I actually only pushed for 10 minutes but it felt like forever at the time. Finally I felt the baby crowning and the head emerged. I was assuming that from that point on, he would slide right out like the others did, but instead I felt incredible pain as his shoulders and the rest of his body came out. It was the only time in my labor when I actually screamed really loud. I remember saying, "What's going on?" because I thought something was wrong.
But then the baby was here! Miriam and Leda helped me turn from my knees onto my back and handed me the baby. They covered us in towels so we would be warm and I got my first look at the baby. I checked the gender and announced "It's a boy". He was covered in vernix and cried right away. In fact, Miriam said he started making sounds before his whole body was even out. She also told me that the pain I had felt was him coming out straight with both shoulders, as opposed to rotating one shoulder at a time, so she had helped him along a bit. Even so, I only had a minor tear that did not need any repairs. The baby looked great. His APGARS were 9 and 10.

As soon as the baby was born and I was covered, Leda went to get my husband so he could meet our new baby. It was a very special moment. We were waiting to cut the cord until the placenta was out so I just lay there with the baby on me, getting to know him. I felt the cord pulsating, which was pretty cool. The baby cried a bit and at first he was not so interested in nursing but after 20-30 minutes, he latched on like a pro.
Soon after,I delivered the placenta and we cut the cord. The kids came in at some point to meet their new baby brother. They were very excited.

After about an hour, Miriam examined me to make sure my bleeding was normal (it was) and did a newborn exam on the baby. He measured 21 inches and weighed in at 8lbs 6 oz, although I think Miriam's scale might have been a bit off and he was probably more like 8 lbs 2 oz. He passed his newborn exam with flying colors- his color was good, all his reflexes were in order and, as a bonus, he was beautiful!
I could not believe how normal everything had felt. I also was feeling very good for just having given birth. When I told Miriam that my perineum felt a bit sore, she laughed and said, "Well you did just have a baby come out of there!" I got up to take a shower, while Leda and Miriam changed the sheets and cleaned up the room. The mess was pretty contained and it was easily done. I also got dressed so we could take some pictures with the baby.
Miriam left around 6 45 after making sure we were all settled and okay. She told me to call her anytime if I had any questions and that she was available to come back if I needed her. Leda stayed for a bit longer. She got some laundry started and brought me dinner- orange juice and cereal.
My husband put the kids to bed and called our parents to share the news. By 8 pm, everyone had left, the kids were sleeping and I was lying in bed with the baby. I marveled at him and at how smoothly things had gone. It's truly a miracle how one moment you are pregnant and then all of a sudden there is this little person. We felt incredibly blessed.

PS: I know a lot of you are curious about the logistics of home birth. I plan to do a more comprehensive post about it in the next few weeks, including frequently asked questions, the safety of homebirth, etc. so stay tuned!

And his name is....

2011-12-04T20:21:00.001-05:00

Aharon Yochanan, from hereon to be referred to as Baby AY. The bris was really beautiful, although I spent too much time on my feet and was exhausted afterwards. My husband gave an amazing speech, which I have yet to hear, explaining the significance of the name and praising me :) I am waiting on the audio recording. It was also nice to see so many people make an effort and come out to share in our celebration.
I had originally scheduled a babysitter to come watch the boys during the bris and bring them to shul a bit later. I did not think they could sit quietly and did want to have to worry about them running around the shul. As luck would have it, her alarm was set to vibrate and she overslept. This meant I had to reorient myself and get to shul with all four kids by by myself. Luckily we don't live too far and everyone cooperated. Once we got there though, I quickly lost both boys and could only hope someone was with them.
As the bris was going on, I was trying to focus and pray while Y was running back and forth from the men's to the women's section and M was attempting to swing himself over the banister. I thought to myself- I am not going to be upset. G'd clearly had a reason He wanted my boys to be at the bris...even though I myself did not want them there.
It worked out in the end. My mother pitched in and then a close friend saved the day by distracting M with her iPhone and making sure Y was accounted for and safe. My babysitter came at 9 30. She felt terrible and made up for it by taking all three of the kids and keeping them busy through the entire meal so I could eat and greet others :)
Baby AY is doing okay. He slept a lot and does not like having his diaper changed but he is a trooper. He and I are getting ready for another early night. I feel a little silly going to bed every night at 9 pm but I also know that that is what I need right now in order to regain my strength. Tomorrow the kids go back to school and I am planning on spending another morning in bed, snuggling with my little one.

Me and AY all ready for shabbos

First Shabbos

2011-12-03T20:54:00.001-05:00

I can't believe our little man is already a week old. On Friday night, I was very emotional. First at candle-lighting, when I added another candle for the baby, I started to cry. Then at the meal- my husband giving him a bracha and making kiddush for all of us made me tear up again. It just felt like the baby was now officially part of our family. It was very overwhelming- in a good way.
Today I kept thinking about last week, when I was in labor. All afternoon I had been timing contractions, wondering if this baby was still going to be born on shabbos. Then at 5 05 I thought about how he had just been born and how the midwife placed him in my arms and I discovered that he was a boy...it was really a wonderful experience.
I do want to write up the story of his birth, before I forget anything. But tonight, I need to get a good night's sleep. We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow- the Bris and Naming!

Bonding with Baby

2011-11-30T21:21:00.001-05:00

I took my own advice and got into bed around 8 45 last night and stayed there till 7 30 the next morning. Obviously I was up quite a bit with feedings but the baby also slept some longer stretches so I woke up feeling much better. I also spent most of the morning in bed, partially napping and partially reading. It was just what I needed and I was able to enjoy it, feeling I was doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing...resting and bonding with my baby.
I realized that after birth, you need to slow down to recover. But this act of slowing down and resting also sets the perfect stage for you to spend a lot of time with your baby- nursing, holding, sleeping together. All this is really what facilitates optimal bonding with your baby. There is the natural motherly bond/love that kicks in right away but it's the act of nurturing and giving that really deepens that connection. My midwife calls it a period of "falling in love" and after 4 days of cuddling and feeding this yummy boy, I am definitely feeling it.

PS: Today marks the end of NaBloPoMo! I made it through, although I did miss one day towards the beginning. I am definitely taking the day off tomorrow, possibly through the weekend. While it was a nice challenge to post every day, I need a break. But I will be back soon...stay tuned!

Day 3- I am not Superwoman

2011-11-29T20:26:00.001-05:00

I think I might be overdoing it. In fact, I know I am. I got a decent night's sleep last night with the baby had good intentions to rest in the afternoon but somehow it just never happened.
We went on our first outing to the pediatrician, which was tiring. Then the mohel came over to check the baby just as I was planning to take a nap. Then the baby woke up. Then M came home from school. Then my midwife came to do a post-partum check. Then a grocery delivery came. Then Y came home from school...and so it went.
Couple that with the typical Day 3 issues of hormones crashing and milk coming in and you have one cranky Mama. A cranky mommy who is shutting down at 8 30 pm and dealing with everything else tomorrow. Let's just hope the baby cooperates with this plan.

Our family

2011-11-28T22:41:00.001-05:00

I am determined to post daily through the end of November. I don't know if anyone aside from my family reads this, but just to prove to myself that I can. And since I am currently holding a cute little bundle in my hands, I have all the time in the world :)
I have to link to this cute list- 18 phrases this mom uses every day. It really made me laugh and I probably use most of them too, as I am assuming do most moms of young children. It is also apropos because it kind of just dawned on me, that I am now the proud mother of four (!!) amazing children. I know this should be fairly obvious to me, just doing basic math, but how crazy is that?
Not quite sure where the time went. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed and awed by the responsibility of being in charge of all these little people. But tonight, as we read bedtime books with the baby in my arms and the kids sitting around me (well, almost all of them, Y was off in the corner, pretending to play football and tackle someone), it just felt right and doable. This is my little posse. I just pray that G'd give me the strength and wisdom to give my children all the love, care and education that they need.
And that I don't forget to say Nr. 18 on the list multiple times a day: "I love you!"

Brotherly love

Day 1

2011-11-27T19:54:00.001-05:00

I cannot believe our little addition has been with us for over 24 hours! So far we have had a smooth transition. He slept a decent amount between feedings both last night and today, although a lot of it was in my arms. Am going to have to get used to sharing my bed with a baby again.
To those who noticed- yes, that is not a hospital bed in the picture. Our little man was born at home with a midwife. I am hoping to post my birth story at some point, but for now I will just say that it was the right decision for us and that it just felt so normal. And it's nice to be home in my own bed
We had family friends come over in the morning to help out and then my in-laws in the afternoon, so I have really been able to rest. My friend came by with a supply of cookies, always a necessity to have around. I am so grateful for all the support and offers of help. I am sure I will need it. I have learned the hard way that if you overdo it in the beginning, it will only come back to bite you later. Resting now will hold me in good stead later on.
Speaking of rest, the baby is sleeping so I will try to get some sleep too!
I'll just leave you with another picture of our cutie

It's a Boy!

2011-11-26T20:58:00.001-05:00

Probably my best blog post ever ;)
Baby Boy- born 5: 05 pm, 21 inches, 8 lbs 6 oz
Mom and Baby are doing great and going to sleep now!

Good shabbos

2011-11-25T16:08:00.001-05:00

Running super late...I love living in the city because when you realize you are out of tissues 20 minutes before shabbos, you can just run out to CVS at the corner!
Wishing everyone a restful and relaxing shabbos- I could use it!

The Toilet-Saga

2011-11-24T20:11:00.001-05:00

I don't know if anyone wants to hear about our toilet trouble but I will tell you anyway.
For almost a month now, our toilet in our main bathroom has been out of commission on and off.This toilet has always been a bit temperamental but at least it worked. Now, nada!
It started on a shabbos about a month ago when one of our shabbos guests put baby wipes in the toilet and caused it to back up. Because it was the weekend, we had to wait till Monday to have it fixed...only to have it break again the following shabbos. The super came up again on Monday and fixed it. He also said it was the kid's fault and that if it happens again, he would not come back to fix it. And that we should not put any toilet paper in the toilet. Excuse me?
I should mention that because we live in New York City we pay an arm and a leg for this apartment. I am embarrassed to say how much. And they just raised our rent. So you would think that for all that money we would be entitled to a working toilet that actually flushes toilet paper.
We do have two other bathrooms, but one is in our bedroom, the other in my husband's office. These are rooms we usually try to keep the kids out of. So now every time someone needs to use the bathroom they need to come get me so I can unlock the door. As for trying to toilet train Y- guess who is not going to the bathroom every half hour because it is just too complicated.
Here is where it gets tricky. The toilet worked for about five days until the following Shabbos when the boys in a moment of mischief thought it was hilarious to flush plastic spoons down the toilet while I was not paying attention. Surprisingly, they went down without a problem. The problem is, after the spoons, nothing else did anymore. So we had a broken toilet all weekend once again. And this time it was our fault. But still...
Despite his threats, the super did come up again. He was able to fix it temporarily but three days later it stopped working again...thankfully not on a Shabbos! It still took till Friday to get someone to come take a look at it. The super came up last Friday and declared it fixed. He also told me if it happens again, he would have to replace the toilet. I said "please do!!" About half hour after he left, the water was backing up again.
Which brings me to today. We had spent almost the whole week trying to get him to come upstairs and finally today, on Thanksgiving, the super came back, toting some big machine. He found one more plastic spoon backed up in the toilet and gave me another lecture about keeping the kids away from the toilet.
Can you guess what happened about an hour after he left? Exactly!
The whole thing is so absurd, I am not exactly sure if I should cry or laugh. I am dreading calling him back tomorrow. He will be really annoyed even though we have not doing anything wrong. At this point, I want a new toilet. Whatever the issue is, it is obviously not being resolved with a plunger or even some newfangled machine.
I do not know a lot about the cost or labor involved in replacing a toilet but what I do know is that I am about to have a baby in the next week or so and will have a lot of people in my home- babysitters, parents, etc. So a functioning toilet that is easily accessible and not behind locked doors would be very helpful. And again, given the rent we pay, not such an unreasonable request, don't you think?
Any tips on dealing with the super/management company are highly welcome...oh and Happy Thanksgiving too!

The Parade

2011-11-23T22:40:00.000-05:00

I have to admit the mini-parade at A's school was actually very cute. A bit chaotic and noisy, but definitely sweet.
Here are some pics of our little pilgrim girl

Here is also a little video clip about the parade. If you look closely, you can see A. at the beginning of the video.

Mini-Parade

Someone said they saw my husband in a CBS news segment about the parade as well. I spent a while trying to find it online but was not successful. If anyone does find it and wants to forward it to me, go right ahead.

I am still not convinced there is a need to make such a big deal out of an American secular holiday in a Jewish school, but maybe that is just the European in me. A good time was had by all and it was definitely sweet to see A's enthusiasm.

Knitting Pics/ Kids Update

2011-11-22T21:03:00.001-05:00

My self-imposed resting at night has left me with a lot of time to knit and so I do...here are my latest projects, all obviously baby-related. The booties are supposed to look like mini-uggs and I still have to add some trim to the sides and front to make it look like the seam on Ugg boots.
Here is the link to the pattern if anyone is interested, as well as some pictures of how the booty would look with the finished trim.

On the kids front:
-We went back to the doctor to check on Y's finger today. He did much better this time with the change of bandage. There was much less crying and struggling. It seems he may have a localized infection, so the doctor put him on antibiotics. He did not seem overly concerned about it though, just told us to keep an eye out if we notice any redness or fever.
-A. has a Thanksgiving parade at school tomorrow. They will march around the block. Because of the forecasted rain they may actually just march around their gym, but she is super enthusiastic about it. Growing up in Europe, my family never really celebrated Thanksgiving but it is cute to watch her get excited about it and to listen to her tell the story of the Mayflower and the pilgrims. I should pay attention because I am a bit fuzzy on the historical details myself.
-M. is in the cute phase of trying to figure out who everyone is and if he knows them. He likes to point out his friends at school and will often ask me who people on the street are. It is part of the process of making sense of the world and you can almost see his brain working, trying to process where every person fits in, whether it is a neighbor, a child playing next to him at the park or a substitute doorman he does not know.
It's a good reminder to stop and try to see the world through kid's eyes...how everything is exciting and new. Especially on dreary rainy days like today.

Other people's Blogs

2011-11-21T21:49:00.001-05:00

I know I am constantly linking to articles and other blogs but this one is a must-read. Ellen at Love That Max has a guest post by Jane Schulz, a pioneer in inclusion and an advocate for children with special needs. Her son Billy, who has Down Syndrome, was born in 1956. They brought him home and because there were no services available, became his early intervention team, teachers, etc. Eventually she went back to school for a doctorate in education. She chronicles her experiences in a book called Grown Man Now (which I now want to buy!) and describes just a little bit in this post. Fascinating to see what she achieved and how far special education has come. Go read it and then check out her blog, titled Grown Man Now like her book. Just the fact that this woman is in her 70s (if not 80s) and she has a blog makes her cool in my eyes.
I admit that I spend way too much time reading other people's blogs but I do think some of it is worthwhile. I get lots of useful information that way about special needs, parenting and birth. I get to read perspectives and ideas I may not have been exposed to otherwise. Most importantly, I get to read about others going through similar things as I am. A few people commented to me how they loved the post I linked to about taking your kids to the park. They said they had not laughed so hard in a while and also "those are your kids!" I said: "I know!" That is exactly the point, to feel that you are not alone, that everyone's kids are a little nutty sometimes, everyone has good days and bad days and that it's good to laugh and not take ourselves too seriously.
In that vein, I'll share with you a funny quote from little M. that proves that I probably do spend too much time on the computer. We were at the library today and M sat himself down at a computer terminal and proceeded to bang around on the keys. I told him it was time to go and he said, "Wait, I'm checking my email. Just two more minutes!"

Parent-Teacher Conferences times three

2011-11-20T23:44:00.001-05:00

Part of the fun of having three kids in three schools is that they all have different vacation schedules and you often have three times the events to attend. Today was the last of three parent-teacher conferences my husband and I attended in the past two weeks.
It was nice to hear all the positive feedback and wonderful things the their teachers had to say about them. Obviously, there are always challenges and weaknesses and that is part of the process too, hearing where there can be improvement, what can be done at home and ensuring that there is consistency between expectations at home and at school.
What is apparent is that all the teachers truly like (if not love) our children, care for them and want them to succeed. What more can you ask for?

Baby Blanket

2011-11-19T21:28:00.001-05:00

Tonight, after a fairly quiet and restful Shabbos I finally had a chance to weave in some loose ends and finish up the baby blanket I had posted about a few weeks ago.
Now it is bigger, but I am not sure I like it better this way

Before

After

As you can see, I added four panels but I am wondering if it is just too many colors. Plus I was lazy and used stockinette stitch and now the sides are curling under. I can try steaming or ironing it to even it out but that might be too much of a hassle already. Am seriously considering removing the extra panels.
Would love some feedback/comments on this one.

In other news, there has been a lot of blogging and news online this past week about an ad campaign in Milwaukee that compares co-sleeping with your baby to allowing your baby to sleep next to a knife.

A bit much, no?

For some factual information about safe co-sleeping or bed sharing as well as safe and unsafe practices, here are two good articles. The first is from the Birth without Fear Blog, the second one from the website of Dr. Sears, a trusted pediatrician for over 40 years.
I like to have my babies close by, it facilitates breastfeeding at night. That doesn't necessarily mean in my bed but it does happen on occasion. I think everyone needs to make the decision of what works for them without being unnecessarily influenced by misleading scare tactics such as these ad campaigns

38 weeks and counting...

2011-11-18T14:25:00.001-05:00

I started my 38th week of pregnancy this week, either on Tuesday or Thursday, depending on who you ask...Last week was a rough week when I was having a lot of painful contractions, other weird symptoms and fatigue. I thought this baby might be joining us sooner than expected. This past week things have calmed down significantly and I have been able to go about most of my regular activities. I did finally give up my vinyasa yoga class and have started attending the slower and less intensive pre-natal session.
I am trying to give myself more breaks. I am still having contractions regularly but that is normal for this stage. I know they are not "the real thing" because they stop when I rest. I can usually sense when I am overdoing it and need to take a time-out of a half hour or more on the couch. I also try to rest in the evenings and not do any intensive housework after eight.
Which is why, with less than two hours to shabbos, I am finding myself sitting on my bed blogging because I needed a little break. This morning I finished my shabbos cooking, did some laundry, took Y to the doctor to have his bandage changed (it's healing well but will need to stay covered for at least two weeks) , took Y to school, came home to put up the cholent, picked M up from school and brought him home, ran to pick A up from school to take her to a class and then finally came home feeling that I must sit down! I am taking a breather now so that I can start the bathing the kids/last minute prep/heat up the food routine in a little while. I am sure it will all get done.
Wishing everyone a peaceful and restful shabbos!

Links edition

2011-11-17T21:49:00.001-05:00

Not sure if this is cheating, but instead of sharing my own words of wisdom, I thought I would link to some interesting blog posts I have come across in the past week or two that made me think:

Jerusalem Stoned had a great post last week about the difference between guilt and change when it comes to parenting. Today she also has a really funny post about the crazy little people we call children.

Chana at Jewish Mom posted excerpts of an interview with Ayala Nivin that appears in Mishpacha magazine this week. Ayala is a mother of fourteen children and she describes how she learned to take care of herself, in order to be a better mother to her children.

On Aish, Emunah Braverman offers six simple but effective tips for a good marriage.

At the Rebbetzen's Conference, they had a session about postpartum depression. The woman presenting told us about a Jewish organization called SPARKS that works with women working through postpartum depression. They have information, support groups and a hotline. They also mentioned a great site called Postpartum Progress. I checked it out and was impressed. They have a lot of resources like, checklist of symptoms of Post Partum Depression or Anxiety, as well as many personal accounts and stories of women who have struggled with but overcome PPD. As a doula, I have found that not enough people have awareness about the prevalence of perinatal or postpartum mood disorders. It is important to be educated so that you can identify issues early and treat them as soon as possible.

On a more lighthearted note, check out crappy pictures, an original mommy blog that documents a mother's adventures with her kids in cute pictures/illustrations. I could totally relate to this post about taking kids to the park and having them all take off in opposite directions.

Have you read anything interesting this week that you care to share?

Medical Update

2011-11-16T21:57:00.001-05:00

Apparently we were wrong about Y's finger. His cut was pretty bad, according to the surgeon. He had to put in several stitches on the finger, as well as having to remove the finger nail and stitch up a laceration there as well. He wrapped a big bandage around Y's wrist and finger so that he can't bend it. We need to keep it clean and dry and come back on Friday to change the bandage.
It took quite a while and for about 40 minutes an office assistant, my husband, and I had to hold poor Y down so the doctor could properly suture him. We tried to get him to cooperate with the help of an iPad and promises of ice-cream but most of the time he was crying "don't hurt me" and that he wanted to "go home". To say that it was not pleasant is an understatement. Thank goodness for this amazingly talented and patient plastic surgeon. And a shout-out to my supportive husband who took the morning off to help out at the doctor's office. I am not sure how we would have done it without you!
When we finally finished, we decided to skip school and give Y the rest of the day off, so we came home where he had his promised ice-cream and spent the rest of the day hanging out on the couch, watching too many videos. I felt like I deserved a reward too, or maybe an alcoholic drink. I made do with lunch and some ice-cream later on in the afternoon.
Kids are pretty resilient and Y seems to be doing alright, although he does not want anyone going near his hand. We did have some drama at bedtime though. He did not want to take his shirt off or put on his pajama-top, because it involved pulling the hand in and out of a sleeve. Eventually it got done.
He will also be going back to school tomorrow. He uses his right hand for coloring/writing so I am hoping the bandage won't be too limiting. And that, my friends, was my exciting morning...here's hoping tomorrow is calmer.
On a more somber note: Yesterday, the 18th of Cheshvan was also the first Yahrzeit of Jenny Morhaim, Ruchama Shaindel bat Henya Gittel Miriam, a former roommate and friend who died tragically and suddenly last year at the age of 27, leaving a husband and three children behind. Here are some thoughts I posted about her last year. May her neshama have an aliya and her memory be for a blessing.

Conference Day 2

2011-11-15T20:41:00.001-05:00

I am too tired to give a really good summary of the sessions I attended today. Most of them were really excellent. Highlights include: planning your next 5 years, children with special needs (I could have given that session!), dealing with divorce in the Jewish community, and how to keep the Rabbinic family thriving and healthy.
My enjoyment was tempered a bit by the news that Y's finger got stuck in a door and was bleeding. The babysitter was able to stop the bleeding and calm him down, so I did not come home early, even though I really wanted to. Part of the reason was that I was depending on someone else for a ride back.
After several attempts to clean and get a better look at the cut, my husband and I determined that it does need to be seen by a doctor. We called the plastic surgeon we know and he told us that it can wait till the morning, assuming the bleeding stops and Y is not in too much pain. He fell asleep pretty quickly, so we will go see him at his office in the morning. Which is a good thing because I don't think I could get off the couch and out the door at this point anyway.
Walking in the door at 6 pm and then having to do books, bath and bedtime, not to mention dinner for the adults in the house is a real challenge for me. I guess if that is your daily routine, you get used to it and figure out ways to make it run more efficiently. It is probably also easier when you don't have a mini medical drama going on at the same time. The babysitter felt terrible and kept apologizing to me. I am not upset, because it was one of those scenarios where M was running in one direction and Y in the other. You cannot be in two places at one time and these things can happen so fast- it just takes a second. It could have happened to me.
I am off to do some dishes and unpack four boxes of my grocery delivery. Hoping to get to sleep at a decent hour so I can regroup for the doctor's appointment in the morning. Never a dull moment here.

Conference Day 1

2011-11-14T19:55:00.001-05:00

I had a great but tiring day at the Rebbetzen's conference. This is my fourth year attending so I already know many of the women. It's kind of nice to catch up with them and see how their year has been, what big or small changes have occurred. Sometimes they have had a baby, sometimes they have moved on to another community, but often things kind of stay the same.
As usual, some sessions were informative and interesting, others were less so. I have found that the panel presentations of older Rebbetzens and sessions where women have the opportunity to share and ask questions are the most helpful.You hear others describing their challenges and successes and can relate it to your own issues.
What is annoying is that sometimes there are two or three sessions going on concurrently, that I want to participate in. Alas, I can only be in one place at one time, so I try to gain what I can. Tomorrow there are definitely a few different topics I am interested in.
I do find it draining to spend all day sitting, listening to others talk. It is definitely enjoyable but tiring. Then I come home and have not seen my kids all day and I feel badly that we only have a half hour until they have to go to bed to catch up on the events of their schoolday. I feel sad that I was not the one to pick them up from school or hear about their day as they have their snack, even if it is only for a day or two. The flipside of that is that I am very fortunate to be able to stay home with them usually and be the one they come to with their boo-boos, stories from school and even their potty language which seems to be a big source of entertainment these days.
Childcare, always a source of anxiety when being out of the house for a significant amount of time, worked out great today. I am a little nervous about tomorrow's arrangement but am hoping everything will go smoothly and everyone's needs will be met! I guess we will see...

My lovely active children

2011-11-13T22:22:00.001-05:00

This morning, we took advantage of the beautiful November weather and I took Y to soccer league, while a babysitter took the other two to a nearby playground. Central Park in the fall is so beautiful! When we met up with them an hour and a half later, A and M were still having a blast and Y wanted to play too, so we decided to stay for another 20-30 minutes.
As I was watching them run and jump and laugh, I marveled at their unending energy and enthusiasm and reminded myself that my kids are, thank G'd healthy active children and they need to get out and MOVE.
After lunch, we decided to head out to the park again, because the weather was still gorgeous and hey, why not. And as I watched them run around and kick the ball and swing and do all the crazy things they love to do, I thought again of how happy they are outdoors and how hard it is for them to be confined indoors sometimes. This explains why they sometimes trash their rooms and fight with each other and make me crazy- because they have all this energy and do not know where to put it.
I am not sure how to continue giving them that outlet, now that the cold weather is coming. Most days they come home from school too late to really head out again. But it is something to keep in mind on those days when their restlessness turns to mischief and trouble. Thank G'd they are healthy kids with a lot of energy who need activity in some form. And when they do not get it, they need lots of love and patience from their Mommy instead!
In other news, I had a lovely date night with my husband tonight. We figured it was our last "hurrah" before the baby makes its appearance in the next 2-3 weeks. Good food, good company, and good conversation- a winning combination.
And I am excited for my Rebbetzen's conference that I will be attending over the next two days. It is always nice to connect with other Rabbi's wives and I usually come home having learned some fascinating things. I will report more tomorrow.

(No) Rest for the Weary

2011-11-12T20:19:00.001-05:00

Shavua tov! We are having some serious sleep issues in our home. Which start with Y waking up around 5 am every morning since we changed the clock. I can usually convince him to go back to bed for about half an hour before he is up again and waking his buddy M so they can play- argh. This then results in my husband and I trying to ignore them and continue sleeping while taking turns to go check on them whenever there is a loud crash or other disconcerting noise.
What also happens is that I have a very, very cranky M on hand most days because he is not really supposed to be woken up at 5 30 (!) am. Some days I put him down for a nap, but then he won't go to sleep at night and we have another bad sleep cycle. Today, I decided not to have him nap, especially because he was not interested in napping at all. We had a busy but cranky day and even went to the park. Then around 5 15, while eating dinner, I noticed that he was awfully quiet..he had fallen asleep in the chair!
After shabbos, I could not resist snapping a picture of him before putting him into his bed.
I am a little bit concerned what time he will wake up in the morning, but I am thinking that it cannot really be much earlier than 5 30 anyway. Plus, the poor child obviously needs some rest! His mom could use some sleep too, as well as some advice to how to get Y to wake up later!

One-on-One Time with my Oldest

2011-11-11T12:14:00.001-05:00

Today is apparently Veteran's Day which means yet another day off for Y. When I told him he was not going to school today, he looked at me with his cute face and in a hopeful way said "Park?" Like any boy, Y loves running around and misses not being able to go out to play after school, now that he gets home so late and the weather is turning cold.
The playground had not really been on my agenda for this morning but then I realized, that I have a pretty light schedule. We decided not to have company this week and my food was all cooked except for the cholent.
So after folding one load of laundry and washing two more, we headed out to take M to school. Y was excited to see his old preschool and we went to visit his Morah. They actually offered to have him come back for shabbos party and pizza lunch, but I decided the logistics of it would be too complicated.
Then we went to a playground near school that Y likes. It has a basketball court and we spent some time trying to shoot some hoops. Y was insisting that I shoot the ball, because he could not reach. What he did not realize is that he picked the wrong person for basketball :) His Abba or his aunt in Israel are much more likely to score than me.
Then he ran around the playground for a bit more while I watched and cheered him on. Soon enough we were both too cold to stay. We went to the supermarket nearby to pick up some things for shabbos. Y was excited because he got to ride the escalator, plus he wheeled the basket and helped me put the food on the conveyor belt when we were paying.
Our whole outing was only about an hour but it was nice to spend some time alone with Y, something I realize I do not get to do very often. Now we are home and back to our own schedules, but I am glad I was able to fit this in.
Have a wonderful shabbos!

Baby Wearing

2011-11-10T20:57:00.001-05:00

After yesterday's heavy post, I figured I would give you something more light-hearted today.
Today, I saw one of my neighbors with her newborn baby, incidentally also her fourth child. She was carrying her 3-week old girl in a wrap and it got me all enthusiastic and excited about babywearing again.
For the uninitiated, babywearing refers to carrying your infant/child in a baby carrier.
The truth is I have been thinking about babywearing for a while already, and every time I see a Mom (or Dad- have to say I think men who are confident enough to use baby-carriers are amazing!) with a baby carrier, I check to see which brand/type she is using.
We have come a long, long way from the days of Baby Bjorns. I had one of those for Y and A and the truth is, I did not really use it that much because it was not comfortable. I have since learned, that the position of the baby in a Bjorn is considered far from optimal and not recommended.
When I was pregnant with M, I started looking into more options. And there are plenty. If you really want your head to spin, check out a store like Metro Minis or a site like The Babywearer, that has every wrap, sling and carrier under the planet.
The two types that I own, have used a lot and plan to use again this time are:
1) The Ergo Baby- it is a structured carrier with straps that is easy to put on and incredibly comfortable to use. M used to hang out in there for hours, especially when he was a newborn and the other two were both still sitting in the stroller. The baby can be worn in front, back or on the side.

Similar options would be the Beco Carrier or a Mei Tai.

2) The Moby Wrap- There is a learning curve in figuring out how to wrap all this material snugly and safely, but once you have figured it out, it is another versatile and comfortable option. It is not as quick as snapping on a structured carrier, but it is softer and is great for snuggling the baby in a crade-like hold. There are multiple options for the wrap as well in terms of front, side or back-carrying. There are also many other brands of wraps, but I happen to like the fabric of the Moby. It is stretchy but still supportive.

Couldn't resist posting this- how cute is that?

New addition: Slings- I don't have any real experience using slings yet, but I took advantage of a promotion recenty and received a brand new Sevenslings in the mail for the price of shipping (about 10 dollars, retails at 38). I am excited to try it out.

I think babywearing is great for bonding with your child. Additionally, if you have other chidren to take care of, it is a great way to be able to hold the baby while still having your hands free to help your other kids. I joke around with a friend, that I am planning on sticking the new baby in a wrap and just continuing my schedule the way it is toting him or her around wherever I go...probably wishful thinking.
As always, make sure the baby is secure in the carrier and read up on safe baby-wearing. You can also read about the beefits of babywearing here and here. Happy Babywearing!

The Loss of a Gadol

2011-11-09T21:18:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, the Jewish world sustained another big loss with the sudden death of Rav Nosson Tzvi Finkel, Rosh Yeshiva of the Mir Yeshiva in Jerusalem. Having had no personal connection to him, I cannot possibly do justice to speaking about such a great individual, so please take my words with a grain of salt.
Vos iz neias has a good synopsis of his life and the impact he had on the world of Jewish learning. The Yeshiva World has some amazing pictures and coverage from the funeral that was attended by an estimated 100, 000 people. Someone even created an entry for him on Wikipedia....I wonder if that is the true measure of someone being important- kidding!
When trying to think of any way to make this loss more personal, I realized that my brother and brothers in law learned in the Mir Yeshiva. My husband spent time learning in a kollel that was an off-shoot of the Mir, so we have all been affected by his vision. I also remembered that Rav Finkel had actually officiated at my sister's wedding a few years ago. It was Lag Ba'Omer, a busy day for weddings on the Jewish calendar and we were told that the wedding ceremony had to start on time because Rav Finkel had four other weddings to attend that evening.
When it was time for the chuppah to begin, I have to say I was a bit taken aback. It was my first time seeing someone with severe Parkinson's perform a wedding and it was not an easy thing to watch. His body was shaking uncontrollably and he struggled to say the words. At the time, I felt badly for him. I wondered how someone could ask somebody so obviously ill to inconvenience himself and officiate at a wedding when he was struggling so much. I could not believe that this man was planning to perform this feat four more times that same evening. It seemed like an unfair imposition and request on behalf of the wedding couples.
But the more I read about Rav Finkel over the last day and a half, the more I started to understand. Even though Rabbi Finkel was a sick man, he did not let this define him. He refused to take pain medication so that his mind would be lucid and he could learn. His door was always open to students of the yeshiva and he made it his business to know as many of them personally as he could. Unbelievably, he traveled all over the world to raise funds for the Yeshiva. And he did all this with a smile on his face, always looking for ways to give to others.
I realize now (two years too late but better late than never) that the discomfort was all mine, that I was projecting my feelings onto him. Though it may be hard for me to comprehend this level of selflessness, there was nothing the Rosh Yeshiva wanted more on that day than to bring joy to all these brides and grooms by giving them the honor of officiating at their weddings (well maybe to learn Torah, but that is a different discussion). He was willing to travel all around Jerusalem and go through this process several times, all for the benefit of others. It is a humbling thought.
In our "Me"-generation we cannot even fathom that someone could be so focused on others. With the loss of so many of our great leaders over the past few months, one cannot help but wonder if this generation is even capable of producing amazing leaders of that same caliber.
If the answer is no, the loss is truly staggering. Yehi Zichro Baruch.

Oops

2011-11-08T15:10:00.001-05:00

So I kind of fell off the bandwagon with NaBloPoMo yesterday. I was planning on blogging at night but then was just too tired...I am not exactly sure how this works anyway, is anyone actually checking if you blog, or is it more a challenge for yourself?
I figured I would get an early start, rather than leave it till the evening. The kids are all off from school today because it's Election Day. Is it terrible if I admit that I don't even know what/who they are voting for? Shows you how patriotic I am. Keeping everyone entertained is a bit of a challenge because there were differences of opinion on how to spend our morning. It took forever to get anywhere because A was complaining she was bored and wanted to leave NOW while M refused to even get out of his pajamas.After a half hour of frustrating cajoling and threatening everyone to get their shoes on, I had enough and just opened the door and headed to the elevator. That got their attention pretty fast and soon I had three kids wearing shoes and sweatshirts and ready to go!
We headed to the park where they could run around and I could sit on a bench and watch. For about an hour everything was under control till M discovered a hole in the fence and went charging up a hill. Did I mention that I am 37 weeks pregnant and cannot chase a 3 year old up a grassy hill full of branches....okay. With A's help, I was able to get M back inside. 15 minutes later, Y discovered the same trick. At this point I decided it was time to go home.
Now it is actually fairly calm here. M is taking a nap, A is on a playdate and Y is keeping himself entertained on the iPad. I am trying to decide if I should just take it easy on the couch while I can or get started on dinner and fold some laundry. Will probably try to enjoy the quiet while it lasts. Were your kids off from school today? What did you do?

Does a doula need a doula?

2011-11-06T22:44:00.000-05:00

In case you didn't know, the answer to the above question is a resounding "yes". As much as you may know about childbirth, when you are in labor, you need someone to help you focus and apply those tools. Plus, you can't really massage your own back :)
Tonight, I met with my doula Leda for our pre-natal meeting. We spoke about my preferences, comfort measures that have worked for me in the past and just chatted about life, birth and other stuff- like what we will do if I go into labor on shabbos.
I originally met Leda through Birth Focus, when we attended open houses together as doulas. It was funny to now be speaking to her as a "client" but so nice that we already have a rapport and are friends too.
The meeting was productive and yet another step towards getting into the mind frame of- this baby is coming soon, so I better start preparing, both emotionally and physically. The next step is to wash and set aside some of the baby clothing and blankets that I have located in boxes at the top of my closets.
Can't believe we're really getting there....stay tuned.

Shifting Perspectives

2011-11-05T21:00:00.002-04:00

I have to admit I was not quite sure what I wanted to blog about tonight- our nice but exhausting shabbos, my dilemma as to whether I am still up to hosting guests next week, the kids seeming inability to sleep past 6am these days...but then I checked out some other blogs I follow and found this wonderful video, thanks to rickismom at Beneath the Wings
It is about a photographer who dedicated a whole photographic exhibition to images of individuals with Down Syndrome. The images are amazing and it is a wonderful concept as well, to present people with special needs as individuals with their own interests and character.
I highly recommend watching this, would love to hear your thoughts!

It's Shabbos Now

2011-11-04T16:10:00.000-04:00

Posting on short Fridays is going to be a challenge, especially once we turn our clocks back this coming Saturday night. Although today was not such a hectic day. I decided not to make Challah today, which freed up some time in the morning. I spent some time shopping- buying a dress for one niece and the cutest little fake Uggs for another one.

Then I also picked up some yarn to finally finish the baby blanket I have been working on for a while. I thought I was done but then I decided it's too small so I want to add some panels.
This is what it looks like now. I'll post another picture once I have finished the panels. Hopefully I'll finish before the baby comes!

Speaking of, I have now officially entered my 9th month and am feeling it in the form of lots of Braxton Hicks contractions, especially when I do a lot of walking. Yet another reason to take it easy and slow down.
As it says "Ba Shabbos, Ba Menucha"- when shabbos arrives, rest comes with it. Although for Rabbis and Rabbi's wives, that may not be as true. Shabbos may just be the day my husband and I work the hardest.
Wishing everyone a wonderful weekend and hoping the weather has no nasty surprises in store for us!

On Parenting and Self-Esteem

2011-11-03T23:04:00.000-04:00

On Wednesday morning, I had the opportunity to attend a parenting class by Slovie Jungreis-Wolff, daughter of Esther Jungreis and author of Raising a Child with Soul. I bought the book a while ago, but never really had a chance to read it.
This is the first time I heard her speak and I enjoyed it very much. She is an engaging speaker and she had some interesting things to say. I find that with parenting, much of the advice is intuitive. We kind of know what we should be doing, although we do not always act on it. So, while nothing Slovie said was particularly new to me, it is still good to hear these ideas over and over again.
Her focus was on self-esteem. She said we should praise our children for doing rather than being. Praise and encourage them for specific things rather than just tell them that they are amazing,beautiful, etc. From a young age give them little jobs and make them feel like they can contribute and be successful.
Slovie also spoke about the disservice we do to our children by being "Helicopter Parents" who solve every challenge and problem that comes our child's way. No parent wants to see their child suffer or struggle, but in truth, that is the only way they will acquire skills for life. You are still there for them, listening to their frustrations and available to help if they really cannot manage on their own. But first let them have a chance to work on it, that is truly the best way to learn. This applies across the board- to toddlers learning how to dress or feed themselves, school age children doing home-work and teenagers with their myriad of challenges.
All of this rang very true to me. This second point also reminded me of an article I had read in The Atlantic this past summer entitled How to Land your Kid in Therapy. Lori Gottlieb, the author, argues that modern parents' attempts at fixing the previous generation's parenting mistakes by overcompensating and always giving our children yet more and more has backfired. It has not led to happier children. Because kids who never learn about disappointment, kids who get a trophy for just showing up to a sports competition because "everyone is a winner" are in for a shock when they enter the real world, when Mommy and Daddy cannot protect them anymore.
As she says: " We can try to protect them from nasty classmates and bad grades and all kinds of rejection and their own limitations, but eventually they will bump up against these things anyway. In fact, by trying so hard to provide the perfectly happy childhood, we’re just making it harder for our kids to actually grow up. Maybe we parents are the ones who have some growing up to do—and some letting go."
So basically, parenting and finding the right balance is hard work. Which I am guessing you already knew. But really, by working on ourselves and trying to continually improve in our parenting, we are also teaching our children important lessons. That everyone makes mistakes, that it is okay to fail and try again and that a little bit of struggle is good for everyone and will ultimately make you happier than the "perfect" life.

Food for thought- do you agree?

Welcome to NaBloPoMo!

2011-11-02T20:04:00.001-04:00

I am sure you are all thinking "huh"? I thought the same thing when I first read the phrase on a different blog. It stands for National Blog Posting Month. In November, thousands of bloggers are signing up on the official site to commit themselves to blog once a day for the whole month and yours truly is attempting to be part of it.
The point of this little exercise is to "Improve your writing and grow your blog" And obviously just to have fun. When I first read about it, I thought- no way, I have too much going on. But then I reconsidered. I thought it might be fun to document the last month of my pregnancy. And all the other random and funny things that happen to our family. And my thoughts about other blogs, articles and interesting things I have come across. I do not know if anyone is actually interested in reading my thoughts every day, but even if not, it is a good writing exercise for me. And it does not require any major commitment. If I can't do it, nothing happens. If I do, I may actually enjoy and learn something new.
I did not even know about this yesterday, but I did publish a post, so so far I am doing great :)

In other news- interesting link alert- Ellen at Love that Max wrote about an encounter with a man who has special needs in a restaurant. Her husband and her had a lovely conversation with him and felt very comfortable interacting with him. Afterwards, they reflected on, how, before their son was born, they may have felt differently about this whole episode. The awareness that having a child with special needs changes your perspective and understanding that not everyone has the same sensitivity you do. In fact, you did not always have it yourself.
I actually had a similar encounter myself this week. I was heading to a parenting class today (topic for another post this month- I can't use all my material up!) and had some extra time before it started, so I stopped off in Gap for a minute. I did not buy anything but I did meet a nice woman who worked in the store. She asked me what month I was in and told me I look great, which I always like to hear. This woman definitely had some sort of mild disability but she was really sweet. She also told me that she had just given me a compliment, so I thanked her for it again. When I left the store, I wished her a good day and she told me to enjoy my last month of my pregnancy. It was a very short and inconsequential thing, but I hope she felt good that I had engaged with her and I was happy to see that Gap hiring adults with special needs,
It is a good question to ask yourself- how would you react if someone approached you, and why? And what can we do to work on our sensitivity as well as educate others.

A little bit of knowledge

2011-11-01T23:35:00.000-04:00

An exciting development in recent weeks is that Y has really been able to tell us more about his day at school and activities he was involved in. It still requires a little bit of guesswork and interpretation, but it is nice to see his speech developing and that he can share his day with us on some level.
This past Friday, he came home from school and proudly told me that he ate pizza with his reading buddies. This was puzzling to me on a few fronts. As far as I knew, his reading buddies (5th grade mentors who read with his class) only come on Tuesday and Wednesday, and the school was under strict instructions not to give Y any food that we had not sent in. I wasn't sure what to make of his claims, but thought I saw some tomato sauce left on his face.
I decided to call his teacher and clarify. She told me that, yes they had made pizza in class that day with friends from a different grade. Although not the reading buddies, these were other buddies :). She said not to worry because she had bought all the ingredient herself and they were all OU-D. I asked where the pizza was made and she told me in the classroom toaster oven, which is what I had suspected.
I gently told her, that while I appreciated her efforts to provide Y with kosher food and to include him in all activities, the oven itself is not kosher, which therefore makes the pizza (in this case english muffins, marinara sauce and cheese) problematic. She felt very badly and apologized. I told her that I will gladly send in substitutes if she gives me enough advance warning.
It made me realize the truth of the saying, "a little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing." Y's teacher last year knew literally NOTHING about kosher. So she asked me about every little thing and was very careful. This year, when I initially discussed kosher with the new teacher, she assured me that she knew all about kosher and how to check for the kosher symbols. It is not her fault, it just shows me I have to be more vigilant.
We had a helpful conversation and I reiterated my request that even if she thinks she knows what is kosher and what is not, Y only be given the food we send from home. She agreed and said she will try to give my advance warning so I can send in substitute foods for their cooking activities. It is not as exciting for Y that he will not be able to taste the food that they make, but you have to work with what you have.
And the upside is, we are shepping nachas from our big boy who can share a bit more of his world with us day by day.

Wacky Weather

2011-10-29T22:01:00.001-04:00

It is officially snowing in October...stuff like this and the ridiculous heat this summer makes me believe in global warming and that we are messing up our environment and weather.
It has been snowing and raining all day. It did not stick in NYC but in New Jersey they got several inches and there have been power outages. I did get a notification that all NYC parks are closed because they are concerned about the snow on trees taking down branches.
It was a long day indoors with the kids. By the time shabbos was over, they were bored and all played out and I retreated to my bedroom to hide until my husband came home from shul. It made me think of a long cold winter ahead with lots of time indoors. Shabbos makes things more difficult because they are restricted in what they can play with. We will need to come up with some snow day activities and maybe have a stash of special toys/treats for emergencies. Something else to add to my to-do list. But more importantly on my to-do list, I need to buy everyone boots!

Dedication

2011-10-26T11:21:00.001-04:00

Although I have been slowing down, one thing I do not want to give up is my weekly yoga practice. I had to miss last week because of succos but in general, I try to squeeze that session in somehow once a week. I feel so much better on so many levels when I go- physically, emotionally, etc.
At the beginning of every class, our teacher Magi asks us to close our eyes and form an intention for this session. While it does feel a bit new-agey to me, recently I have been focusing on really being present in the class without checking my watch at all, meaning, no peaking to see how much longer I need to hold this pose or alternately checking to see how many precious minutes of me-time are left before I head back to reality. Another intention has been to enjoy the class, while listening to my body and not overdoing it and knocking myself out.
Yesterday, Magi said something interesting. She said, we could also form a dedication for this class, meaning dedicate our practice to someone who could benefit from some yoga in their life or somebody who is already benefiting from the fact that we do yoga. I immediately thought of my children. While my primary goal in doing yoga is definitely to make time for myself, my children and husband are the clear beneficiaries of this activity. By taking good care of myself, I am in a better place to then give to them. It's a pretty simple equation. If mom is happy and balanced, she can help her family achieve the same thing.
So, yesterday, as I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply, I smiled and thought to myself, "Kiddos, this one is for you!"

Slowing Down

2011-10-24T22:54:00.001-04:00

Well, I am finally ready to admit that it is time for me to slow down. I have been trying to take it easy but with yomtov, mommy responsibilities,etc it is not always so easy to do.
But my body is slowly but surely giving me signals that it can't keep up. This morning I did a lot of walking, taking A and M to the pediatrician for well visits and flushots. By the time I had dropped them both at school on opposite ends of the West Side, I was ready for a nap (which I did not take. I did errands instead. But I could have used it).
At night, I spend a lot of time on the couch or in bed because my belly just feels heavy and I also start having Braxton-Hicks contractions if I try to do too much. Then again, I am having Braxton Hicks contractions while sitting on my bed here typing as well, so I guess that just means my body is practicing :)
I like to use my evenings productively when it is quiet- dishes, laundry, sweeping and sometimes bigger projects like going through closets or finding my boxes of baby clothing. I am guessing I will have to put some of this on hold or move it to the morning time, when I still have more energy.
For now I have a feeling my evenings are going to involve a lot of time lying down, reading blogs or interesting articles online and knitting. I made a baby blanket but want to enlarge it so I am thinking of adding some more panels to it. I am also knitting a baby cardigan and need to finish up a maternity sweater I started a while ago. I guess if I don't do that soon, I probably will not even have a chance to wear it.
I recently heard one of A's teachers tell her that even when her mommy is sitting down, her body is still working very hard because she is growing a baby. I am going to adopt that as my new party line so I don't feel too guilty for resting and "slacking off" a bit.
At what point in your pregnancy did you start feeling that it's time to take it easy?

We did it

2011-10-22T22:32:00.000-04:00

We made it through yet another 72 hours of yomtov/shabbos along with the non-stop meals/davening, etc.
The kids went to kids hakafot on Thursday evening and then caught the last 15 minutes of hakafot in the morning. They had a lot of fun and I think it was the perfect amount of time for them, without anyone getting overwhelmed or bored.
Today A asked when we are going back to a normal week, with just shabbos and we told her she was in luck, because it's starting tomorrow! I am happy to be getting back to some sort of routine, although checking the calendar, I realized for some reason there seems to be a day off or some other event almost every week for the next few weeks- Election Day, Veterans Day, Parent-Teacher Conferences, Thanksgiving, etc. And then it's crunch time....

Gilad, Special Needs and Birth- a bit of a hodgepodge

2011-10-18T22:48:00.000-04:00

When it rains, it pours. Somehow over the last few days, I have accumulated quite a few topics to write about and with yomtov around the corner, I wanted to get them all off my chest :)

First of all- Gilad Shalit. What an amazing miracle. No matter how you feel about the release of prisoner, who can not rejoice with the Shalits and all of Israel. I am so moved and have been thinking about it all day. Gilad was kidnapped about a month or two before A. was born and so whenever I thought of the length of time he spent imprisoned, I would think of A. I would marvel at how big she was getting, how 5 years is an eternity, my child's entire life up until this point. It just made the insanity of the situation more real to me. And now I can finally stop using A's milestones as a measure of his length of imprisonment.
Here is a link to a great blogpost about Gilad, posted by a blogger appropriately named A Soldier's Mother.
And a video of Gilad's first moments back in Israel, reuniting with his father that made me cry.

Enough said...

On a totally unrelated topic, The NY Times had a great op-ed in the Sunday edition entitled Notes from a Dragon Mom. Emily Rapp writes about raising her 18-month old son Ronan who has Tay-Sachs and will most likely die before age three. She writes how knowing her son's days are numbered makes her appreciate every day with him and focus on the present. She can let go of all her goals and expectations of a Mini-Einstein learning to read at age two and getting into Harvard on full scholarship; and just be with him. And while it is obviously very painful, it is also liberating to live in the now instead of constantly being future oriented as most parents are.
Although raising a child with special needs is very different than raising a child with a terminal disease, there is a similarity in the sense of letting go of expectations. While we do hope for a long and successful future for Y and for all our children, we have redefined what that success means. It is about being happy, being a good and kind person who is interested in helping others, rather than academic achievement and landing the biggest job. This reality check of what really matters is incredibly valuable.

Lastly, some news on the topic of birth, a topic I have been neglecting on this blog for quite a while. Being six weeks away from my due date, it is obviously on my mind. Just in time, Ricki Lake and Abby Epstein, the makers of the film "The Business of Being Born" have come out with the uninspiredly titled sequel "More Business of Being Born". Or, more accurately, four sequels. They felt that there were many issues surrounding childbirth that were not addressed in their first film and so they decided to explore as many as possible in their follow-up.
Here is the trailer

In Part 1, Ricki and Abby visit Ina May Gaskin, often called the mother of modern midwifery on her famous Farm. In Part 2, they interview celebrities about birth and their choices. Part 3 is called Exploring Options, giving more information on doulas, birthing centers and c-sections.
I haven't watched any of these yet, but last night while cooking yet again, I downloaded and watched Part 4- The VBAC Dilemma. As many of you know, VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) is a topic close to my heart.
That is because Y. was born via c-section in 2005 and since then I have had 2 wonderful, uncomplicated VBACs and am gearing up for another one soon.
It frustrates me that the VBAC-rate in the US is so abysmal. Many doctors will refuse to even consider them or often tell patients things like: "Yes, you can try for a VBAC but just be aware that your uterus can explode any minute and you and your baby might die!" While uterine rupture is a very serious complication that I am not trying to downplay at all, the truth is that the likelihood of rupture is somewhere between .3 and .7%, less than 1 in 100. And that means any kind of tear in the uterus. The likelihood of a catastrophic and life-threatening rupture is 1 in 2000. As one of the doctors in the movie points out, the likelihood of miscarriage from an amniocentesis is 1 in 200, yet many women are comfortable taking that chance.
I have to admit that having done my research already, I did not learn a lot of new things about VBAC from the movie. Still, I think it was well done and for someone just at the beginning of their journey, trying to find out more information, this is a great resource. It offers a lot of facts and statistics, as well as some personal stories about VBAC. It explains both sides of the issue, trying to separate real health concerns from ones that are inflated and dramatized. It also talks about the risks of repeat cesarean, that doctors often do not share with their patients.
Part 4 of the movie can be watched for a small fee on the Business of Being Born website. You can also get more info on the other parts of the movie as well as the planned dates of screening. Surprisingly, there do not seem to be any screenings scheduled for New York at the moment.

That brings me to the end of my long and slightly rambling post. Wishing everyone a Chag Sameach and see you on the other end of yet another 3 day yomtov marathon :)

Succos Pictures

2011-10-18T21:47:00.000-04:00

As promised, here are some snapshots from our Sunday Chol Hamoed outing.

This is not succos related but just too cute not to post

Pizza lunch in the Succah truck

The succah-truck/mobile courtesy of Chabad

Y thoroughly enjoying the child size basketball hoop

Y. and A. taking a leap together

Succos Activities

2011-10-16T22:31:00.001-04:00

I have been a bit derelict in posting. 3 day yom tov will do that to you.
We had a nice but loooong 3 days. It was hard to keep everyone entertained and happy, especially because it was raining a lot of the time. We were lucky that the rain did not coincide with our meals, so we were able to eat in the sukkah for all our yomtov meals.
Today was the only day of Chol Hamoed where everyone was home, so we really wanted to do something fun and memorable with them. A. was lobbying hard to go to Brooklyn. We toyed with the idea. I thought it would be nice for the kids to see all the sukkahs that have been put up and to feel the holiday a bit more. In Manhattan, succos is a bit under the radar because of the difficulty of putting up sukkot.
Ultimately, we decided that it was too far and it would be too crowded and overwhelming for the kids. Any fair or concert would probably be sensory overload for Y and chances are, my husband and I would spend a lot of the time chasing the boys who would be taking off in opposite directions. It seemed like a recipe for stress and frustration rather than fun.
It is hard at times, to balance the needs of the kids and the different developmental stages they are at. But it is also important to understand their level, so that we don't expect too much of them and end up frustrated.
So we took the kids for pizza in midtown and ate in the mobile succah that Chabad had set up outside J2 (pictures to follow). We also checked out the big sukkah that was set up in Bryant Park. Then we headed to an overpriced but cute playspace in Chelsea. The kids had a lot of fun there, especially Y. who spent a long time at the child sized basketball hoop. We came home tired but happy. And most importantly, my husband and I were not frazzled or stressed.
I feel a little badly that A. missed out because of her brothers, but Monday and Tuesday morning she is the only one off from school, so I will try to do some fun activities with her that we don't do when her brothers are around, such as the neighborhood pottery store.
I will try to post some pics tomorrow- when I am not busy food shopping, cooking or spending quality time with A....so I am not making any promises :)

Post Yom Kippur Letdown

2011-10-09T22:44:00.000-04:00

There is this big build-up to Yom Kippur and in some form, on Yom Kippur we try to be at our best. We fast, we are patient with our children, we try to pray with true concentration and fervor.
And the question is always, what comes after. It's not realistic to sustain it at that level, but can we take some of it with us into the new year.
Today I had a disappointing day. I had had a pretty good fast for most of Yom Kippur, thanks to a great babysitter and a wonderful nap. But then I started feeling unwell for the last hour and a half before the fast ended and spent post Yom Kippur in bed, drinking a lot and resting.
The kids have been waking up very early recently, so I was not entirely surprised to hear Y up around 5 30. But I wasn't jumping out of bed eagerly either. My husband and I both attempted to get him back to bed but by 6 am, M had joined the party as well. I handed them the iPad and stayed in bed for another hour, but still had half an ear out to make sure they were not up to trouble. When I finally got up, I was cranky, which was not helped by the fact that M was cranky and tired as well. That meant a lot of crying on his part and a lot of irritation on mine.
This spiraled into a morning of sub-prime parenting, involving getting 3 children to Central park for Y's soccer league, chasing Y around a huge soccer field to make sure he stayed with the group and then running uphill (at 33 weeks pregnant) after M who took off running and didn't look like he was stopping anytime soon.
Needless to say, I was not the paragon of patience and while it may be understandable, it was also disappointing to start our "new slate" this way. The rest of the day got better although I still found myself snapping at the kids at different points.
I know I did not change dramatically in 24 hours but it's depressing to feel like it's just "same old". In truth, the hard work starts now...you don't just magically become more patient. You need to work on it. I guess there is always tomorrow.

Corrections

2011-10-06T21:49:00.000-04:00

I just wanted to point out that I made a mistake in my previous post. That is what happens when you try and post deep Torah thoughts without looking them up.
Kapara refers to the atonement for specific sins we have committed. Tahara is the process of repairing our relationship with G'd and the negative impact sin has had on our soul.
I hope I did not confuse anyone too much. I will also go back and correct the original post but just wanted to make sure everyone sees this revision.
I guess it is good practice for Yom Kippur, to publicly state that I was wrong, without offering up excuses. One of the classes I listened to mentioned this point. How difficult it is for us to say that we were wrong, especially without any qualifiers- it was a mistake, they provoked me, I did not understand, etc
My husband will be the first to tell you that I am very good at rationalisations and not taking responsibility for my actions. So to counteract this trait, I am offering a public apology now, to anyone I may have offended with my blogposts or even IRL (in real life), as they say. I hope you will find it within your heart to forgive me.
Wishing you an easy and meaningful fast, and again a gmar tov.

Taking time out to think

2011-10-05T22:06:00.002-04:00

I have had some time over the past week to listen to some more classes about Yom Kippur and Teshuva in general. I found them helpful, but I am starting to realize that rather than keep listening to more and more classes, I should just take some time to reflect and make goals.
I think I mentioned this idea in my Rosh Hashana post- unfortunately, I have yet to do that. I was talking to my mom, and she told me that she went on her yearly trip to a tzaddik's gravesite in Germany with her friends (story for another time) this week. They spent about two hours there, just praying and thinking. She said it was very powerful to have time out to just think without any phone or other distractions.
While I am not about to go flying off to Germany, I am hoping to take some time and recreate those conditions. No laptop, no phone, just me and a notebook.
Some questions to ponder:
- What are some accomplishments and things I am proud of this year? What actions am I not as proud of ?
- What are some small and concrete changes I can make that are conducive to growth?
- What are my spiritual goals for the year?
- What are some improvements that need to be made in the realm of relationships- spouse, children, family, etc
I am sure there are more, but it seems like this is a good start.
What I have been pondering in my spare time is R Soloveichik's essay on Tahara and Kapara. It is one of my favorite ideas about teshuva and one that I return to (no pun intended) every year. He writes that sin actually affects our essence and even once we achieve "kappara", atonement for what we have done, there is still a deeper level of teshuva that we need to do. The teshuva of tahara is about repairing our relationship with G'd and trying to undo the negative spiritual effect our actions have had on us. This is a very deep idea and not easy at all. I truly believe, though, that if we really want to change, it has to be beyond the level of action, but rather at the level of pursuing a real relationship with G'd, whatever that may mean to us.
Okay, getting off my soapbox now. This was actually really helpful in clarifying things for myself. I hope it sparked some thoughts for you as well. Gmar Chasima Tova
-

Rosh Hashana Highlights

2011-10-02T22:54:00.000-04:00

It's hard to believe that the long-anticipated 3-day Rosh Hashana has come and gone already. We had a nice yomtov.
-I had a chance to daven in shul both days. This was meaningful to me, as I told a friend later on, because I often feel that that spiritual part of me is so far buried under mommy-brain and being busy with the kids, that I worry it may not exist anymore. I don't really pray very much during the year, and when I do, it is usually hurried and without much concentration. Having time to really tap into formal prayer and to daven without distraction was really encouraging. It is just good to know that, when given the rare opportunity, I have not lost the ability to connect in that way.
On a related note, the davening felt so familiar to me. Reaching certain passages was like greeting old friends or rereading passages of a favorite book. It may be an odd way to describe it but it was also very comforting to feel so at home in the prayers.
-The kids missed shofar on the first day, because I miscalculated the timing, but the baal tokea was nice enough to blow a few kolos for them after shul. They heard the last 40 kolos on the second day and really enjoyed that. M was a bit noisy so I had to take him out for parts of it, but the other two were pretty good. Y also had the opportunity to stand next to his Abba at birkat kohanim. It was very sweet, although he was a bit confused as to what was going on. He just followed the lead of the others, though, and swayed underneath the tallis that we bought him this summer in Israel.
- Our meals were fun although they started and ran pretty late so by the time we finished lunch it was 4 30 or 5 and it was already time to get ready for the next day. I might have to rethink keeping my oven on for the whole yomtov because the kitchen was unbearably hot, and the heat extended into our dining room as well.

Some cute anecdotes from the kids:
-On Wednesday, Y's class was learning their basic information such as name, age, address, phone number, etc.. The teacher wrote me a note, saying that Y was insisting that he lives in Israel...I guess he takes after his mother in that respect.
- Today, the kids were teasing M for some reason, calling him a baby. He responded indignantly; "I am not a baby, I am M. I can do the monkeybars." If you can swing on monkey bars, then you are definitely not a baby anymore :) He also said that he is not a baby but "Ima has a baby in her tummy" I guess it is slowly sinking in.
Which is a good thing, because at almost 32 weeks pregnant, we are definitely getting close to the big day! More pregnancy related stuff in a different post- how was your Rosh Hashana? Any exciting/funny/inspiring highlights?

Rosh hashana thoughts and menus

2011-09-26T22:21:00.000-04:00

Well the cooking marathon has definitely begun. It's funny because I remember being a lot more stressed about the cooking last year. Maybe it is because we had more guests or maybe because I know I have a bit more time to prepare now that all three are out of the house for part of the day.
It also helps to have a good list and schedule and my trusty friend the freezer. Someone asked about my menu but to be honest, I am not being particularly creative this year. Am making the standard roasted chicken and chicken soup, also roast beef, turkey and London broil, obviously not all for the same meal. Sides include potato kugel, carrot muffins, roasted vegetables and butternut squash kugel. You can email me for recipes if you would like.
I have been trying to use the extra time in the kitchen to listen to some shiurim online. I recommend www.naaleh.com which has a multitude of classes given by various teachers. For those fluent in Hebrew, Yemim Mizrachi's class is available at www.ashira.co.il.
Yemima mentioned that we should view all our cooking and prep as part of our spiritual preparation for Rosh Hashana, as we are trying to elevate the physical. This is something I will try to keep in mind, because there are still many hours to come, both before and on yomtov.
I am still trying to find a babysitter for Thursday so I can go to shul for a bit. I used to feel guilty for leaving the kids on yomtov to daven, wondering if this I really what Gd wants from me. But I have since decided that I do really need some time in shul to truly daven and reconnect. Not all day but a good two hours or so. Besides, if I would get a babysitter to go to yoga class or have a coffee break, why not use this resource for spiritual pursuits as well? Of course if I cannot find somebody in the next day or so, I will have to conclude that for this year, I need to be home for whatever reason on the first day and make do with the opportunity to go to shul on Friday.
Not sure if I will have a chance to post before yomtov so wishing everyone a Shana Tova and Ksiva Vchasima Tova!

Bits and Pieces and Links

2011-09-22T22:31:00.000-04:00

I'm feeling a bit run down now at the end of this week. I am still getting used to early wake up (6 30 or 6 45), all the bus drama (which is still going on and only becoming more aggravating) and the three hours it takes to get everyone where they need to be.
I have also been thinking a lot about safety and keeping children safe, as Y has been up to some of his usual shenanigans this past week.
Lastly, I am starting to cook for Rosh Hashana and also attempting to get into the spirit of the day more. Aside from the food, I would like to actually reflect on this past year, make amends as well as make some positive changes. But that requires some forethought and sometimes it is hard amidst all the distractions and business of everyday life to just stop and think...
So until I have formed some more coherent thoughts, I'll share with you some interesting/entertaining links

-Mama Birth, my new favorite birth blog has a great non-birth related post on solo parenting, meaning shouldering the majority of childcare. It's aptly titled Mom:Alone (ignore the quotes from the Mormon church and insert some Jewish ones instead)

-Chana Jenny Weisberg has a touching story on Jewishmom- The Orphan's Ponytail

-Lastly, the Maccabeats are back with a Rosh Hashana song. It's cute and the video is shticky as usual.
Enjoy!

Have a wonderful restful shabbos!

The photo edition

2011-09-20T13:16:00.001-04:00

A's birthday party in school on Friday

Proud parents with the birthday girl

Y's first day of soccer league...the uniform was too big. We have since gotten a smaller size :)

Anaelle was messing around with the camera and snapped this cute shot

Bus update- yesterday both busses came at 8 am, meaning we all stood out in the cold for half an hour. As of this morning, A's bus is coming at 7 36 and Y's bus is coming at 8 20 which is a bit too close for him to get to school by 8 30, even if he is the last stop. So basically there will be more reshuffling coming in the next few days. Maybe by October we will have our morning routine ironed out.

But I really can't complain. Once everyone finally is where they need to be, I get a few hours of quiet and a chance to get stuff done. The apartment is clean and mostly in order and I am keeping up with the laundry and with all the errands, phone calls and appointments that are necessary to keep this family afloat...for now :)

Shabbos marathon

2011-09-16T17:22:00.000-04:00

Today was one of those days, where I felt I was running non-stop from the moment I woke up until 1 pm! Thankfully things slowed down after that.
6 45 wake up and the rush to make A's 7: 21 bus....which we missed by about a minute. I saw it pulling away across the street but it was too late.
Back upstairs to get my challah in the oven and then down again for Y's bus at 7 40. Then up to throw in some laundry and back down to bring A to school in time via cab. Home to do more laundry and more kitchen stuff. Then off to drop M at school. He has seperated really easily, but they are still on a short schedule, so I left there at 9 45 knowing I needed to be back by 11 30.
I went to pick up some food and toiletries on the way home, then made a cake for shabbos and checked on the laundry yet again. Ran out at 10 45 to buy a class gift for A's class in honor of her birthday party. Got the game and then took the bus to M's school and got there just in time for pick-up at 11 30.
We went home to pick up my husband and then headed back to A's school for her school birthday party at 12 15. The party was really delightful and it was nice to get an inside look at her classroom, friends and teachers. My in-laws surprised A and came to the party too, which she was really excited about. We sang songs, ate cupcakes and presented the class with a gift. It was really sweet. Photos to come.
After 1 pm, things slowed down a bit. My husband took A to a class and I went to use a gift certificate my husband had gotten me for my birthday. Finally a minute to relax and breathe! Then it was back to picking up A. and running some more last minute shabbos errands. Came home to put up the cholent and get Y from the bus. Now we are up to baths and pre-shabbos dinner for the kids.
Somehow it all gets done...and thankfully I just got an email informing me that A's bustime is being moved to 7 36. Those 15 minutes will make a huge difference to our morning. And Y's busdriver told me that his route is being changed and Y will have a new driver as of Tuesday. Sooner or later we will get into a schedule though. Until then, we will just get through one day at a time. Wishing everyone a peaceful and relaxing shabbos

School

2011-09-13T21:03:00.000-04:00

So after almost three months of summer vacation, school is finally upon us. We have been phasing in slowly. Y started on Thursday, A on Monday, and M went today for a half hour. In a way it was nice to be able to give everyone individual attention for their first day.
Y is in the same school as last year with the same therapists, classmates and most of his teachers have stayed the same as well. He really has the least transitioning to do and he seems to have adjusted well. We are trying to work out kinks with the bus as it is coming very late in the morning and he also spends almost an hour on it on the way home. It does not seem to bother him, but I think his school day is long enough and would prefer if we could cut out some travel time. Especially because his school is only about a 5-10 minute drive from our apartment, depending on traffic.
A has started a new school for kindergarten. Thankfully, she knows some girls in her class already and we have had a chance to meet some nice families at the Parent Orientation too. She was a bit nervous on Monday and did not want to separate but once I left, she had a wonderful day and came bounding out of the classroom to tell me how much fun she had. Today was her first time taking the bus. There were some tears and drama involved, but ultimately she did get on this morning and also came off pretty enthusiastically in the afternoon. Her morning bus time is 7 21 and I am still adjusting to the early morning rush. Trying to get 3 kids dressed, out the door and across the street by 7 21 is going to be a bit of a challenge, that will probably require my going to bed at a decent hour.
M was very excited to go to his preschool this morning. He knows it well from when his siblings attended and I think he is happy to be a big boy and have his own classroom and Morahs (teachers). Tomorrow we go for two hours and start the "seperation process" which can be a bit prolonged. I am planning on bringing my knitting and also to start planning my Rosh Hashana menus.
It is hard for me to imagine what life will be like when they are all finally settled in their respective programs...the one adjective that comes to mind is "quiet". I am hoping to be productive and to utilize my time in the mornings till M comes home to really get things done, whether it is house work/maintenance, writing, errands or otherwise. I have a feeling though, that for the first few weeks the High Holidays will be keeping me plenty busy...

Getting Help

2011-09-10T23:47:00.000-04:00

I guess the most exciting news of the weekend is that my back feels significantly better. The massage therapist was able to really zone in on the spots that hurt. She said she could feel the knots and tension there and I could feel that she was really hitting the right places. I have been painfree since the massage and hope that is stays that way.
Sometimes I feel guilty about treating myself to things like massages or some babysitting time but I am also aware that it does not really help anyone when women set themselves up to be martyrs. You cannot keep giving to others if you do not take care of yourself. While most women would agree on this idea in principle, we are often very good at making excuses as to why we don't really need the extra help/sleep/etc... Obviously everyone needs to take their financial situation into account but some basic needs we often neglect are sleep, adequate nutrition and breaks from childcare.
While I was nervous about the busy weekend we had planned, everything ran really smoothly because of the network of help we had set up. First of all, I got my back fixed. Next I made sure to get a good night's sleep Friday night (kudos to my husband for getting up with the kids on Shabbos mornings). Finally, we had a babysitter accompany us to shul to make sure the kids would be supervised and safe. She also stayed for lunch so that my husband could focus on the guests, I could focus on hosting/serving and know the kids were taken care of as well. Basically, everyone was happy and everyone's needs were met. And I wasn't a total exhausted wreck by the end of shabbos.
The moral of the story- take care of yourself so you can take care of others. Shavua Tov

Beware the cranky pregnant woman

2011-09-07T23:05:00.001-04:00

Settling back into our normal routine has been more difficult than expected. I knew the trip home would be a long haul, but I was not prepared for how physically taxing it would be on my body, now entering its third trimester of pregnancy.
Aside for being exhausted, I have had all kinds of aches and pains over the course of this past week. My belly ached, I had a stitch in my side when I walked, and when that finally ironed itself out my back started hurting. I spoke to my care provider about my concerns but they feel I just need some more time to rest and recover from all the travel and shlepping. Easier said than done with the kids not having started school yet and needing to be entertained. And being woken up at 5 am every morning due to jet lag...although today was the first morning Y actually slept late and did not wake his siblings at 4 45 so I am hoping we are finally done with that!
So for now I am the proverbial kvetchy pregnant woman who complains about everything. It is funny to me because I usually have fairly easy pregnancies. I carry relatively small so I am usually not one to waddle around whining about her aching back. But this pregnancy has been a bit harder on me physically. Maybe it's because I am older (relatively speaking), or because I have more kids to take care of or maybe it really is just all the travel and running around.
Either way- relaxing is not on the agenda this weekend, since we are expecting 13 adults plus 5 kids for Shabbos lunch, so I have decided to book myself a prenatal massage for Friday. I am hoping the masseuse will be able to work out some of the kinks in my back and help me feel better physically. It's a bit pricey but will be totally worth it if she can magically put me back together. Should not set my expectations too high though...even if she cannot cure all my problems, I can at least go into a hectic shabbos with a more peaceful state of mind.

Back in NYC

2011-09-03T23:19:00.000-04:00

We arrived back in NY on Thursday afternoon after almost 20 hours of travel. There is nothing much to say about the flights except that they were long and exhausting. The kids had their moments but were pretty well behaved considering what a long haul it was. The iPad is a great tool to have on plane trips, it definitely kept the kids entertained for long stretches.
We are working on getting back on a normal sleeping schedule. At the moment they have been going to bed earlier and waking up early. But that is to be expected. A few more days and slowly pushing their bedtime back should do the trick.
We had a quiet and uneventful shabbos back in NYC. The kids are happy to be back in their space and after unpacking and cleaning up on Friday, I also feel more settled. This week will be about getting the kids ready for school. There is not that much to do, just buying some school supplies and taking A for a haircut. And maybe getting some clothing for the upcoming fall weather.
I also wanted to share some pictures from our family photo shoot. We took pictures with all my siblings who were in Israel at the time and their children, but I am only posting some of the ones of my kids. This has definitely been the summer of photos for us, we have gotten some great shots of the kids in Israel.

We took the pictures in Yemin Moshe, which was beautiful. It was great to be outdoors because the kids were not restricted to a studio. Unfortunately that also meant we had to chase them and run after them at certain points. There were several brides there as well taking wedding pictures, so it seems this is a popular spot for photos.

Enjoy!

Travel Time

2011-08-31T15:18:00.000-04:00

I cant believe it. Seven hours from now I will be getting in a cab to the airport...we had a wonderful time but it's time to go. As much as I would like to stay "forever", I am also looking forward to going home, which for now is New York. The past weeks we have been leading a pretty nomadic existence and it's time for the kids and the adults to be back in their routines and schedules.
So I am definitely looking forward to some "normalcy" and the upcoming start of school, although I am not necessarily looking forward to our flight tomorrow. The whole thing will probably take between 18-20 hours door to door...that's the price you pay for a fun vacation I guess.
Will report on our travel adventures from the other side. Also has some great family pictures to share...stay tuned.

Winding down

2011-08-29T16:18:00.000-04:00

We just moved 3 suitcases, 1 duffelbag, 2 carry ons, 3 children, 1 stroller, 1 carseat and one large bag of food from one apartment to another. I am a tad exhausted but happy that we made the transition pretty smoothly. We had to leave the apartment we were staying in and are spending the last 2.5 days in Israel at my sisters place (shoutout to her and her husband for graciously welcoming us into their home).
I can't believe our trip is really winding down and coming to an end so soon. Not really looking forward to getting on a plane and hoping by Thursday all airports will be back to normal.I am thankful that we missed two natural disasters while we were away- an earthquake and Hurricane Irene though they seem to have both been on the milder side.
I do think it was a really productive trip for all of us. We spent lots of quality time together as a family, and also with our families who live here. It was nice for the cousins to get to know each other and play together.
We also got to visit fun places in Israel- last week's highlights included a tour of the Belzer Shul (sans kids) and Shabbos in Beit Shemesh. This week we took the kids to the Jerusalem Zoo and to the Gush Katif Museum. I don't think they really understood what was going on, but my husband and I were very moved.
Tomorrow we are taking family pictures. I am pretty excited about that. I would love to get a nice family picture as well as some pictures of my siblings and their kids. I can only hope the kids cooperate and we get some nice shots.
Speaking of pictures, here are some from Belz. It's pretty impressive. And the history of Belz and its shul is fascinating as well.

Outside the gate

The Aron Kodesh

The chandeliers

A view of the building- all 20m and 14 stories of it

Down Syndrome Blog Posts

2011-08-27T16:59:00.000-04:00

Shavua Tov from Jerusalem. We had a lovely shabbos in Beit Shemesh, our last one in Israel for this summer. Right now my thoughts are with the NY metro area and the storm they are awaiting...I am kind of happy that we are not there and hoping that things will not be as bad as expected.
Just wanted to share two interesting Down Syndrome-related blog posts. I could relate to a lot of what these women write, although I don't agree with everything. Still some food for thought though.So without further ado:

- Top 5 Things that I Like About Having a Kid with Down Syndrome by Dooze

- Sheva at My Shtub on accepting your children, the good traits as well as the weaknesses

Pictures

2011-08-24T09:39:00.001-04:00

I have been pretty good about taking pictures on this trip. Although as someone pointed out to me, I am usually not in them. That is the problem with being the designated photographer, it always looks like you weren't there for all the fun.
Sunday we went to a farm near Beit Shemesh with some cousins. The kids loved the waterslides there and went horseback riding too. I was impressed that they were all brave enough to get on a horse. Unfortunately, I don't have a picture of A, because my sister-in-law has it on her camera.

Y on a horse one-handed...impressive :)

M on a his round, although you can't really see his face

A on a tractor ride to see the beautiful view

Monday we went to the science museum which was ridiculously crowded, Tuesday we hung out at the local parks and today we took the kids to a pool. I did not bring my camera because I did not want it to get wet although I wish I had caught a shot of M lounging in a pool chair. Too cute.

I am also happy to report that the kids are starting to show more safety awareness about the pool, so spending time near water is not as anxiety-inducing as it has been, although we definitely still need to be very watchful.

My husband and I have also been trying to take some time for ourselves, since it is our vacation too. We went out to dinner once this week, he took some time to go shopping and to the kotel and I spent a morning wandering around the shuk area and town, just taking in the local Jerusalem flavor.

I have also had some time to meet old friends for coffee and I have to say it is so so nice to catch up. These are people I am not in touch with as much I want to be, but when we get together we have such a great time and I feel like I can talk to them about almost anything and have great discussions on "life'. Makes me realize how nice it is to have close friends and also wish some of them lived a bit more local.

People have asked me what it's like to be here with the ongoing tensions in the South. We are definitely reading the news and keeping up to date, but the funny thing about Israel, for better or worse, is that life goes on. People keep working, maintain their routines and even go out at night. Everyone is trying to just live their life and it feels normal to be part of that culture, even if just for the time being.

The fun continues

2011-08-20T15:16:00.000-04:00

Wednesday was another adventurous day for us. I had found out about mini-golfing at a mall in Talpiot and we thought the kids might enjoy it. We did have a lot of fun, once we finally found it! First the cab driver took us to the wrong mall, then once we were in the right place, we still couldn't find the roof top the golf course was set up on. Several false starts later we were finally there and ready to play!
The kids went from super cranky to super excited pretty quickly. They wanted to play golf just like their Abba. While we had to supervise them to make sure they swung the clubs safely, they looked pretty cute.

Of course, there comes a time when the kids get overtired and need to go home NOW and we need to get better at leaving before they cross that threshold, but all in all it was a fun expedition.

That evening my husband and I headed out to the Wine Festival at the Israel Museum for the second year in a row. For 70 shekel you get a glass and can taste as much wine as you want. Of course, being pregnant I wasn't exactly first in line for the Yatir and the Carmel Reserve but I did savor a little Champagne. And the gardens of the Museum are a beautiful setting for an event. We even managed to snag a much coveted couch for a few minutes.

Thursday and Friday we decided to take it easy and stay local. A and my husband went on a little "date" to Geulah Friday morning. It's always nice to give the kids some quality time and attention on their own. After a quiet and restful shabbos, we are gearing up for another week. We don't have specific plans beyond tomorrow but I kind of like it like that...go with the flow. A bit of a change for my OCD, control-everything personality but that is probably good for me.

Family Time

2011-08-16T13:39:00.001-04:00

The theme of our trip has definitely been family so far. We met my parents for breakfast, went swimming at their hotel's pool twice and also saw them on several other occasions. Today I got a babysitter for a few hours and I spent some quality shopping time with my mom. Not to mention the siblings and cousins we have met at parks or for dinner.
The other side of the family is not being neglected either. Yesterday we saw my husband's brothers and their families and had a fun dinner/playdate with them. We might be having a Sunday BBQ with them as well and are definitely on the calendar for the last shabbos in Israel.
All these get togethers are definitely fun although they are a bit exhausting- trying to coordinate everyone's schedule and getting everyone together in the same place at the same time. But it is totally worth it. All year long I miss having that accessability, the ability to just pick up a phone, get in a cab and see my siblings or parents. Some people are fortunate enough to have close family nearby all year round but for those of us with siblings and parents spanning several countries and continents, it is a bit more complicated. For me, my mom stopping by with a latte or grabbing some pizza with my siblings is a real treat, one I try to savor and enjoy while it lasts.

In the Old City of Jerusalem

Grabbing pizza with my parents

The long overdue update

2011-08-14T17:31:00.000-04:00

We have been in Israel over 72 hours and somehow I have not managed to blog about all our fun experiences.
First of all, the flights. Some highlights include:
-Y. losing patience while waiting for the flight to start boarding. So he made a run for it and made it past security and halfway to the plane before the stewardess and I caught up with him. He is fast. I have to say that not much frazzles me when it comes to my kids behavior but I found this a very embaressing episode because a planeful of people saw this little exchange play itself out.
-M insisting on pulling our carry-on through Heathrow airport on our stopover, even though it was bigger than him and he was running on three hours of sleep. We let him do it for a little while but eventually took the suitcase away because it was taking too long and holding up other people, which led to some howling.
-Our seatmates on both flights were very nice and pleasant and did not seem to have a problem with our kids. Which just shows it is all about attitude!
-The kids themselves were pretty well behaved. They slept a bit, watched some movies on the iPad and annoyed their siblings at various points, but all in all were about as good as can be expected on 2 flights and a trip that took about 18-19 hours door to door. M had some crying jags on the plane and in the airport but that is to be expected when running on no sleep.
- I was surprisingly patient and held it together for the duration of the trip so yay for me. I had my own little meltdown later that night, when we were finally settled into our apartment, I was super exhausted and the kids were totally hyper and refusing to go to bed. Again, some crying is to be expected when running on no sleep :)

Here is an overview of some of the things we have done here in the past few days:
-We spent a nice shabbos with my parents, two sisters and their respective families. The cousins got along nicely except when M. climbed into my 6 month old niece's crib and woke her up from her nap, thereby ruining her sleeping schedule for the day (sorry again!). Thankfully he did not hurt her.
-Three outings to local playgrounds...what else :)
- My husband and I attended a Yaakov Shwekey concert held at the Sultan's Pool right outside the Old City of Jerusalem tonight. The concert was enjoyable but the ambience and location really made the night. It was so beautiful sitting outdoors, listening to good music and seeing the Old City all lit up...hard to describe.

I am really happy to be here (definitely worth the expense and the long trip!) and looking forward to many more fun adventures...

Good Shabbos

2011-08-12T11:48:00.000-04:00

As usual I'm posting close to shabbos, this time from the Holy Land! We had an adventurous and long trip but we made it and are very excited to be here. It was definitely worth it. Looking forward to spending shabbos with family. Will report more details after shabbos. Enjoy!

2011-08-08T16:20:00.000-04:00

We are gearing up for Tisha B'Av. I have been drinking water all day although I am not sure how much that will help. Fasting while taking care of kids is very difficult. Fasting while pregnant and taking care of kids...well, we will see.
I have lined up some babysitting help for the morning and am planning on staying indoors all day. That will probably mean lots of video time for the kids but that's what G'd created videos for :)
Once we get through the fast and hopefully even get into the spirit of the day a bit (again, not an easy feat when home with little children), it will be laundry marathon so we can leave to Israel on Wednesday night with some clean clothing. I have been hoarding quarters so I can use the big machines in the basement of our building.
In other unrelated news, check out my blog post on The Birthfocus Blog. I write about Y's little trip to the ER a few weeks ago and connect it to my doula work.
Wishing everyone an easy and meaningful fast!

World Breastfeeding Week

2011-08-06T23:52:00.000-04:00

In honor of World Breastfeeding Week, which actually ends tomorrow (apologies for being behind schedule) I am posting some links to articles about breastfeeding. Being pregnant, I can't help anticipating what it will be like to nurse yet again.
My feelings are overwhelmingly positive- it is a wonderful way to bond and connect to your baby, it is free and easily accessable. I love the ability to go out anytime and not have to worry about bringing along bottles, snacks or other accessories for the first six months. It is an amazing feeling to know that you are nourishing a child and that all the cute babyfat they are accumulating- the cheeks, the chin, the thighs have come from you :) Not to mention all the health benefits babies get from breastmilk.
At the same time, as easy as it is, it can sometimes feel limiting because the baby relies solely on you. Unless you are pumping, it is all you all the time and going out for an extended period of time without the baby needs advance planning. So does trying to sleep more than 3 or 4 hours stretches at a time in the beginning. Not to mention moms who have problems with their milk supply or who have to cut foods out of their diets because their babies aren't tolerating them. So it is not always simple and straightforward. I saw a quote on facebook that said: "While breastfeeding may not seem the right choice for every parent, it is the best choice for every baby"
I believe that to be true. While it may be hard for us mommies sometimes, it is definitely the right choice for your baby.
Click here to see some Tips for Breastfeeding from Brio Birth, a childbirth education organization.
Also check out Dr. Sears' website- He is a pediatrician for over 30 years and a father of eight children. His site has great information on pregnancy, birth, children's health, discipline and lots of other great topics. Worth a look is his extensive section on breastfeeding and its benefits- Why Breast is Best.
Lastly, for more info about what exactly World Breastfeeding Week is, check out their official site.
That should be more than enough talk about nursing for now- but feel free to comment with more info or links if you have any!

Home Sweet Home

2011-08-03T23:26:00.000-04:00

We have been home since Sunday night but it took me a while to get my act together again.
We had a really wonderful and relaxing week in Florida with our in laws. In fact, we were so busy having fun that we barely took any pictures! I have a few on my husband's phone so I will try and upload them later this week.
It was nice not to have anywhere pressing to be- school, camp, appointments or otherwise. We did try to do two activities a day, but did not really get stressed out about timing. Some days we got out by 9 30 or 10, others not till 11 and that was fine. We saw some parks, a zoo, the beach and had lots of pool time. Admittedly, taking three small children near any body of water can be scary at times, but with my in laws there too we had enough pairs of hands to make sure everyone was safe in the water.
I really felt that the kids enjoyed and that we were creating positive memories of spending time together as a family.
Traveling with kids is always a challenge although they were pretty well behaved for the most part. On the flight home, we were sitting next to a man who was annoyed at the kids for just being there. He was irritated before anyone had even done anything. The people in the row in front of us were not much better. At a certain point, M had a little meltdown because he was tired and I was getting dirty looks from people sitting near me. The man sitting in our row stomped off to complain to the flight attendant. I did feel badly that we were bothering others but also felt that kids will be kids and I cannot control them or make them stop screaming. I was doing the best I could in that circumstance. Furthermore, there was only about a half hour left to the flight, so it's not like they were going to be stuck with us for much longer. Eventually M settled down but as soon as the flight landed, the man took off running for the exit.
Truthfully, I don't really care. A few months back there were suggestions about having child free flights and while some people thought it was outrageous, I think it is a great idea. Those who want a silent flight should be able to have it. But until such flights exist they are stuck with me and my children. We paid for our tickets the same way they did and so we are entitled to be on the plane, noise crying and all.
We arrived home Sunday night at 9 30 pm to a nasty surprise. Our fridge/freezer had broken down while we were away and our whole apartment reeked of spoiled food. We spent our first hour home throwing out garbage bags full of spoiled chicken and meat (I keep my freezer well stocked and it was a mistake in this instance) and other gross food. I then cleaned out the fridge and freezer with Clorox and washed the floor well, while continuously spraying lots and lots of air freshener. It did take a few days for the smell to fully go away. My friend recommended baking soda and it actually made a big difference!
Thank goodness, our super brought up a temporary replacement fridge on Monday morning and they were able to fix the fridge by Tuesday already. These are the perks of living in a well managed building.
This week has been spent getting things in order here and preparing for our next trip- we are leaving to Israel next Wednesday already. If anyone reading this is considering robbing our apartment while we are away, be aware that we have friends who will be staying there. It is actually reassuring to me that someone will be here in our absence. It's just good to have someone keep an eye out in case your fridge decides to die or anything else happens that needs immediate attention.
This week is also World Breastfeeding Week, and I will try to post some related links to that tomorrow. For now though, I really need to get some sleep!

On Vacation

2011-07-25T21:12:00.000-04:00

We are down in sunny Florida and having a great time. It is hot but not as bad as NYC was last week and we had a blast at the pool today.
As part of this vacation I have decided to disconnect a bit, from the phone, internet and blogs. I left my cell phone at the house for most of the day today and it was oddly liberating. I am not completely disconnecting this week, although I am sure it would be a great experience. Perhaps for another time. But I am definitely taking it easy on the technology front, which is why you may not hear from me until we get back home next week. So long!

Happy Birthday to Me

2011-07-22T19:37:00.000-04:00

So yesterday was my 28th birthday. At times I feel ridiculously young, others I can't believe I am already so "old," slowly but surely inching towards the end of my twenties.
I celebrated by going to my favorite yoga class in the morning and out to dinner with my husband in the evening. And trying to stay indoors most of the day and out of the sun!
It has been a busy year and I have much to be grateful for. We also have many exciting things coming up this coming year, among them a trip to Israel in August, my "baby" M starting preschool in September, as well as the arrival of a new baby at the end of November!
I felt kind of superstitious announcing my pregnancy on the Internet, but on the other hand it is such an important part of my day to day life these days that it is hard not to talk about it.
I have had a fairly easy pregnancy. The first three months I was nauseous and miserable. This coincided perfectly with cleaning and cooking for Pessach. It was truly a challenge to keep moving and cleaning when all I wanted to do was sleep and to cook yet more chicken when the sight and smell of it made me sick. But we got through it, and had a nice time.
Towards the end of May, I started feeling better although I still can't eat chicken or ground beef. I am not quite sure why, but I still can barely go near the stuff. I have been (over)compensating with a craving for, go figure, egg salad. The egg salad wraps at Seasons were my staple lunch when I was truly too sick to eat, although my repertoire has expanded a bit since then. My friend suggested that craving eggs was a way for my body to make up the protein I am not getting from poultry. Sounds plausible to me.
My energy level is still not at its normal level but I am doing my best to keep up with the kids and their needs. We shared our news with them but only A. really grasped the concept. I tried to explain to them that I cannot pick them up and that they cannot jump on me, but they need a lot of reminders :)
The crazy heat here is definitely not helping matters in terms of stamina. I try to take M out to the park in the morning before it gets too hot, but then we spend the rest of the day indoors. I am just hoping this humidity and excessive heat breaks soon...at the moment it is really not manageable.
We are leaving to Florida on Sunday for a week. I am sure if will be hot there too but it can't be worse than here! Also looking forward to some pool time to cool off!
Wishing everyone a wonderful shabbos and hope you stay cool and near the air conditioning!

Style Down Syndrome?

2011-07-20T21:43:00.001-04:00

I have observed a trend in the media recently. A celebrity, politician or journalist will write or say something offensive to a specific demographic causing people to complain and then the person will promptly issue a hasty apology and retraction, saying they did not mean it or did not realize this could be hurtful.
Consider this- an article in recent GQ magazine laments the apparent lack of style in Boston. Apparently, one can generalize and condemn an entire city for being, horror of horrors, un-hip. Be that as it may, the way Boston was described, made people take notice of this article. The author writes: "Boston suffers from a kind of Style Down Syndrome , where a little extra ends up ruining everything.”
While the magazine may have thought they were really clever for coming up with this new term, others were not amused. Brian Skotko, a physician at Boston Children's Article and brother to a young woman with Down Syndrome wrote a great blog post entitled Mock my Pants, Not my Sister. In the post, he takes the journalist to task and writes: "Let me explain what “Style Down Syndrome” really is. “Style Down Syndrome” is smiling when everyone else prefers to frown. It’s spending three summers, in sheer determination, learning to ride a bike because you want the freedom to be like everyone else. It’s singing tunes from Grease at the top of your lungs with your friends. It’s celebrating a third-place victory at a swim meet with as much gusto as the gold medalist."
Skotko also asks that instead of perpetuating stereotypes, GQ use this as a teachable moment and instead show what Down Syndrome is really like by highlighting the My Great Story Campaign on the National Down Syndrome Society's webpage. This is a compilation of the successes of individuals with Down Syndrome and definitely worth a look
This blog post went viral, along with other similar complaints, and what do you know, a few days later GQ issued this apology:
"We received your letter and absolutely understand that we have caused many of readers and their loved ones pain. Hurting anyone’s feelings or being disrespectful or cruel was certainly never our intent, but your letter helped us understand how poorly chosen our words were. What we initially posted was insensitive and ill-informed, and we’ve removed the offensive language from the website. We deeply regret our error in judgment. There is no excuse. We are both very sorry."
Sincerely,
Sean Fennessey, editor, GQ.com
John B. Thompson, writer, GQ.com"
While it's all nice and good for them to apologize, I do have to wonder how sincere this statement is. The fact that these words were written to begin with and approved by an editor (meaning it was not just a quick slip of the tongue), shows that many people still have pre-conceived notions and stereotypes about individuals with intellectual disabilities. Are a few complaints and blog posts really going to make a difference and make these people now see a person with Down Syndrome in a different light? On the other hand, how can one be silent and NOT say something?
I am still mulling this over- what do you think? Do complaints and calls for change make a real difference? It seems that often we are preaching to the choir, to the ones who are already convinced, while the ones who need to learn are for the most part unaffected.

Being Calm in Different Scenarios

2011-07-17T22:48:00.000-04:00

We have had a busy weekend, which included a trip to the ER for Y on Thursday night as well as the shades in my living room coming crashing down on Friday afternoon.
Y was feeling fine all Thursday and then woke up around 11 15 pm with heavy croup and difficulty breathing. When the usual tricks- steaming up the bathroom- didn't really work, our neighbor who is an EMT called us an ambulance and off we went to the pediatric ER.
Riding in an ambulance was a first for me and even though Y seemed very out ot it at the time, he clearly was aware of what was going on. He keeps talking about the fire truck and asking when he can ride it again :)
The EMTs gave him oxygen and saline on the ride over so by the time we got to the hospital, he was feeling much better and his breathing had returned to normal. The doctor there still gave him a dose of steroids to be sure, because croup usually takes a few days to get out of one's system and she did not want him to have another episode. Since then he has been coughing a bit, but otherwise acting pretty normal. It is amazing how kids bounce back. By the time we left the hospital at close to 2 am, he was in a great mood, chattering incessantly and wide awake.
What struck me about the whole incident is that I was able to stay very calm throughout. I matter of factly tried to help him breathe in the shower, packed our bag with snacks, reading material and insurance information and tried to keep Y comfortable in the ambulance when he was getting agitated because of the oxygen mask. I am not really trying to toot my own horn here, it is just good for me to know that I can stay on top of things in times of crisis.
I have a much harder time, however, staying calm when the crisis is not medical rather instigated by one of our children. On Friday afternoon, the kids were a bit wound up and I was trying to get everyone to lower the volume and play a bit more gently. All of a sudden there was a very large crash. I did not really see exactly what happened but I did see the vertical blinds lying on the floor of our living room, along with the six foot pole they are usually suspended from. A. was standing right next to them and looking quite shocked.
Thank goodness noone got hurt, but I was very upset and not very calm. A. had clearly yanked on the blinds one too many times. And I needed her to understand how dangerous and unacceptable her behavior was. I realized that I was not in a good place and could not discipline her without anger, so I left it to my husband. I guess we each have our own strenghts and he is better at keeping a cool head in situations like this whereas the medical stuff is more my forte...
The blinds are still sitting on the floor, because I could not get anyone to come fix them over the weekend. The children also managed to decorate them with yogurt but that is a story for a different time. The lesson of the weekend is maybe that parenting is challenging in many different ways and you never know what life is going to throw at you.
On a semi-related note, The Feminist Breeder has an interesting post on parenting/discipline and how other people judge us unfavorably most of the time. I actually related to a lot of what she was saying. If you have a minute, read her thoughts. I would be curious to know if you agree with her.

iPad update and links

2011-07-14T22:01:00.000-04:00

While it seems I spent a lot of this week, taking my kids to camp, therapy sessions, school and back, I also managed to make some headway with the iPad. I figured I would share the information and links I found, in case it helps others.
First of all I ordered the heavy-duty protection cover. Its made by a company called Otterbox and the specific model is called the iPad 2 Defender Series Case. The price quoted on the company's site was a bit steep but I managed to find a new one for almost half price on eBay. It arrived today. It took a few minutes to figure out how to put it on, but I do feel much better about the kids handling the iPad now. I am still only letting them use it with supervision though.
I also found some great websites that have lists of special needs and other educational apps. The Friendship Circle Blog has a whole series of posts on the iPad, highlighting different categories of apps such as communication, life skills or social skills, giving information about funding for iPads as well as listing ten other great websites that offer information about apps. If you are seriously considering buying an iPad, I highly recommend checking out their site.
Beineinu, another great special needs organization run by a friend of mine, also has a list of apps as well as recommendations for other websites.
All the information can be a bit overwhelming. I decided at first to stick to apps that are free and see how Y does with them before spending even more money. There seem to be many free apps online, although many do offer an upgrade to a more comprehensive app- for a fee of course.
I will say that I had to wait somewhere with Y this week for over a half hour, and we spent the time working on letters, numbers and sight words. He had fun, it passed the time and he learned something.
I also uploaded some social stories about day to day activities- going to the supermarket, park, etc. that I am hoping to review with him as well as a behavioral reward chart that I want to use for motivational purpose and behavior modification.
The Friendship Circle blog writes how when the iPad first came out, people were speculating about all its different uses, but noone, especially not Steve Jobs, could have forseen what a boon the iPad would be to the special needs community, especially in the realm of augmentative communication. They also write how they are sure many great apps are yet to come...I will keep you posted as I become more educated.

The iPad has arrived

2011-07-11T22:57:00.000-04:00

So after weeks of talking about getting an iPad, I actually took a trip down to the intimidating apple store and came home with a brand new iPad2. I have to admit it's pretty embarressing how apple illiterate I am. I've never owned an iPod, iPhone or i anything.
The salesperson was very patient and understanding and I have been having fun today trying to figure everything out today, downloading some apps and getting a feel for it.
The primary reason we got the iPad is for Y, because there are lots of great educational and communication apps to be had (special thanks to my parents and in-laws for partially funding this purchase). Y actually had one in his classroom this year so he is familiar with it. I need to do some more research to find the right programs. I know there are lists online so will probably spending some time this week figuring out what makes sense to add, especially because not all the apps are free.
I also want to get a good cover to protect our new investment. The sales person told me about an iPad cover so durable, "they can play basketball with it". Knowing my kids, that sounds like the kind of protection we are going to need :) If anyone has an iPad, I'd be happy to hear your impressions/feedback/app recommendations.
Y also had his first day of summer school today and other than having a hard time seperating he seems to have had a good day. I am not 100 percent sold on the program he is attending, but am open to changing my mind. I guess we will see how the rest of the week goes.

It's Shabbos Now

2011-07-08T19:08:00.001-04:00

It has been another busy, humid week here in NY and I am looking forward to some R &R on shabbos. This week I spent way too much time in different NYC public schools, trying to figure out a summer placement for Y. I learned about some different Manhattan neighborhoods in the process and that the A train runs express from 59th street to 125th.
We also have had lots of naked tushies in our apartment, as the kids have become enamored with running around sans clothing. Maybe it's the heat or just general kids behavior. Trying to convince three different children to get dressed again is harder than you think :)
Wishing everyone a peaceful and less humid shabbos. Enjoy the video...I'm really into 8th Day. Getting their CD is on my to-do list.

Bedtime Mayhem

2011-07-04T22:03:00.000-04:00

One thing the kids and I both thrive on is schedules and structure. I think it's great for kids (and their mommies) to know the routine of the day, what happens when and what is expected of them.
And most of the time this works out very well for our family. The only issue is that every once in a while, something shifts and then the old schedule no longer works. This requires a little bit of shuffling and reorganizing, some kind of growing pains, until a new routine is created.
At the moment, we are struggling with our bedtime routine. Until recently, bedtime was at 7 which meant they usually got into bed around 6 40 and were sleeping most nights by 7 15 or so.
I don't know if it's because school is out or there is something in the water, but that is totally not happening at the moment. M is in the weird in-between stage of phasing out his naps. The days he does not nap at all, he goes to bed at 6 30. On days when he falls asleep late in the afternoon and is then woken up, he is cranky for the rest of the day and unable to fall asleep till past 8 30.
Additionally, Y and A have been lobbying for a later bedtime. Even when I make them get into bed around 7, they usually dont fall asleep till past 8. And Y has started a lovely habit of waking up at 6 or 6 30 am every morning. It is beyond me how they are not tired, especially after long days spent running around playgrounds in the heat.
The one person who is tired is definitely me. After a long day of getting up early, taking kids to camp, playgrounds, errands, picking up from camp, making dinner, doing baths, and then struggling to have the kids stay in their beds, let alone fall asleep, I am totally worn out by the time that everyone is actually sleeping. I usually force myself to do some basic clean up- dishes, picking up toys, laundry and try to get to bed as soon as I can. Which means I no longer have my nights to write, knit, cook, prepare for the next day, take care of bills, etc.
As I said, I am hoping it is just a phase and we will get to a better place. But I am also realizing that as the kids get older, 7 pm is no longer a realistic bedtime, which means I will also need to adjust my expectations for things I want to get done at night. For now I am just hoping that this too shall pass...I will keep you posted.