The Bill

One of the things I am learning over time is that when you get a bill that doesnt make sense, call the company and ask them why. Especially your insurance compnay. They make mistakes sometimes and they know that most people wont take the time to clarify, they would rather just pay it and be done.

For example, about a week ago I received a bill from the Lennox Hill ER. That is where we took M. for stitches when  he fell and cut himself at the playground one Shabbos afternoon. I had a minor heart attack when the bill said that the visit cost us $1700 dollars (side point- we were in the ER for an hour and a half, how could we rack up such a ridiculous bill!) and that we needed to pay for ALL of it because our insurance had denied the claim. After hyperventilating and telling my poor husband what crappy health insurance we have, I decided to read the fine print. It said that our insurance company won't cover the cost because our car insurance provider is responsible to pay for motor vehicle accidents.
Um, excuse me? This was not a car accident. We don't even own a car. M fell in the park and I had about twenty witnesses to prove it.

So I called the insurance company and explained to the nice man on the phone what had happened. He said it was a computer classification error and he could fix it right. He resubmitted the claim and said we would get an adjusted bill in the mail. That bill came today and we now owe the ER only $75 which is a much more palatable number. And all is well again in the world.

To stay or to go

We are back from another weekend away and I am ready for bed at 9pm. It's funny how we take our children on planes halfway around the world yet a 4 hour drive to Maryland (and back) can seem overwhelming.
The truth of the matter is it is always difficult to take kids out of their usual routine and schedule, whether it is a weekend away or a longer adventure. In my mind, it all comes down to the cost-benefit- analysis. Do the benefits of attending an event/taking a trip outweigh the "costs" of inconvenience, stress and being tired. I have found in most cases the answer to be yes.
Still, I do understand the parents who say it is not worth it. They would rather stick to their schedules and bedtimes than to risk all the upheaval. They say they will just wait a year or two or five and travel then, when their kids are older. Some days I don't really want to risk any changes to our routine either because it works so well and why bother. Some days I would rather go to Hippo Park for the 1012th time than find a new unknown activity.
 As an aside, today someone at the park told me that she has never been to the park at a time when I was not there. Which is something I have heard from several other people. Does that make me the mayor(ess) of Hippo Park? Is this a title I should be proud of?
So, I definitely understand the desire to hibernate and stay put and I am guilty of it myself many times. Still, what would life be like without a little bit of adventure and exhaustion thrown in?

Also, watch this video. As much as I dislike the word "special", this story truly is.

My Husband and the Birth Analogy

Last week, when my husband and I were speaking with a friend, all of a sudden he said: " I have a good analogy. It's like birth. The hospital does all the interventions and then says 'Thank G'd we saved your baby' when really all along they are the ones causing the problem and you would not have needed those interventions without them."
Our friend did not really understand this analogy or how it pertained to the discussion we were having, but I understood what he meant. Even more than that, I was both flattered and surprised that he would use something from my frame of reference to illustrate a point. My husband and I often talk about taking a more active interest in the (for lack of a better word, I will be redundant) interests of the other. Being involved, showing you care. This was such a little thing but it totally made my day...probably my week, because it still makes me smile every time I think about it.
In my quest to educate the world about childbirth, I am glad that I have at least one devoted follower :)

Parenting- a full time job

In the past 10 days, Y has been sent home from school three times. Once because he was coughing, one time he had fever and this morning because he threw up. Mommy and the school are not happy campers. Amazingly, every time he has come home, he announces that  he is "better" and goes right back to acting totally normal and healthy. There has also been a lot of crying at school and asking for Mommy and to go home, which leads me to believe he is a pretty smart cookie and know what to do in order to get picked up. So I am trying to get to the bottom of this, figuring out if he has allergies or if something is going on at school that is upsetting him. Or both.
Meanwhile, we have some stuff going on with A as well. Nothing major, but enough to keep me busy figuring out plans for next year, the summer, the rest of this year and some reshuffling that needs to get done.
And of course theres M. who hopefully asks every day if maybe today we can "go to park please"- but the weather is not really cooperating. So he is bored, And wants to play and color and drink an endless supply of chocolate milk.
All of which just makes me think that mothering or parenting or whatever you want to call it is a full-time job. Sometimes when you're in "maintenance-mode" you may think that it's not so time consuming but then something out of the ordinary happens and all of a sudden you're juggling more balls. I am seeing more and more how much time, conscious effort, mindfulness, love and attention children really need as they grow. It is a constant effort to remain present and really be there for all the big and little stuff, to be aware of things that need tweaking and things that are amiss.
I know they are plenty of women who do have full time jobs and they have my utmost respect. For me, right now though, trying to do a good-enough job with the care of my kids and trying to build up my doula practice on the side, is about as much as will fit into my life.

To-do lists

Some weeks things run very smoothly, at other times life feels very hectic. For some reason, this week I have been feeling a little stressed out, like I am always a few steps behind and not quite catching up. Maybe it has to do with the fact that Y's school made me pick him up from school...2 days in a row...when he wasn't really that sick, if at all. It kind if ohrew a wrench into my daily schedule so I was behind on errands and phone calls/emails. Couple that with several meetings, some unexpected things that came up that need immediate attention and two evenings that I spent out of the home and you have one stressed out Mom.
So I did what I always do when I get anxious. I made a to-do list.  A very long list. Then I divided that list into tasks that needed to be done sooner and some that can wait. I made a separate lists for things I will do tomorrow when I have some help and can run errands more efficiently without M tagging along. Then I spent the two hours of M's nap getting started on my list- making phone calls, writing emails, printing and filling out forms.
At the end of the day, I am still feeling a bit overwhelmed but also I know it will get done. Now that it is on a piece of paper instead of floating around my brain, I feel a bit more in control. Some things, like the water filter that has needed to be replaced for two months already and my wig that has not been washed in a while, will have to wait until the more urgent things get resolved. But it will happen. And by then, of course, I will have started a new list.
What's on your agenda these days? How do you stay on top of lists and errands?

The Yachad Family Shabbaton in three words or less

How to sum up the weekend in a nutshell? Exhausting, informative, inspiring. That sounds like the right combination of adjectives.
Exhausting because we had sessions and meals round the clock and did not go to sleep till midnight both nights and were then up early in the morning. While the kids did have a good day camp program, we still spent a lot of time chasing them around the hotel. It was a big place and Y loves nothing better than lots of room to run around. Mealtimes especially were challenging because the kids attention span is about ten minutes and shabbos meals run for much longer than that. My husband and I often found ourselves in the middle of a conversation, which we had to interrupt to go save a child before they ran out of the building or got themselves in trouble otherwise. The sheer volume of sessions was also exhausting but we had primarily to learn, not to relax.
Which leads me to my next adjective- informative. We attended sessions on the topics of family dynamics, how to respond to a crisis, how to advocate for your child and bridge the home-school gap.
I found the latter session particularly helpful because I have really been thinking about that topic a lot. Y is doing well at school but I would like to see more carryover into the home, because sometimes there are skills he has that I dont even know about. The presenter gave some good suggestions about working together with the teacher to choose three areas that we will carry over from school to home. She also recommended trying to model the school environment in language and format as much as possible in those areas. My husband attended a session on mental  health in individuals with Down Syndrome and foiund it fascinating to hear from parents of older children what issues they deals with further down the line.
Some session were meant more for support rather than information. We had a mother's group Friday night where everyone shared about the current challenges with their special needs child. My husband gave a very well received session, speaking a bit about the Jewish/theological aspects of raising a child with special needs. It was poignant to hear him speak about Y. and a bit of a trip down memory lane.
Inspiring- it was so nice to meet and interact with other parents. We met quite a few parents of kids with Down Syndrome but also many families with children with other disabilities. We compared notes and spoke about schools, skills and lawyers.  It sounds so cliche to say that these people are inspiring...but they are. They juggle so many different things and somehow make it work. Some of them have more than one child with a disability yet they still manage to have a smile on their face. It was nice to be with kindred spirits, people who really get it.
It was also nice to be surrounded by young advisors who love all the children and think your kid is the cutest kid to have ever crossed their path. And will watch them for hours on end so you dont have to.
It is a lot to process and part of me is probably still working through it all, but it was definitely a positive experience.
Meanwhile we are back home now and back in our regular routine. I am trying to take care of lots of things on my to-do list this weeks: meetings, reserving spots in camp, paperwork for the Board of Education, writing new goals for Y's reshab workers, etc etc. Just a regular week in the life of. All I would like is some sunshine...hope the weather is nicer wherever you are reading this.

Packing

We are getting ready for the Yachad Family Shabbaton, a weekend retreat for families and their children with special need. A is very excited. She keeps asking when we are packing, what we are taking, who is going to be there, what we will be eating, etc. She is also adamant that she wants to choose her own clothing, fashionista that she is.
I am trying to make lists and pack. I always get nervous that I am going to forget something important. Will definitely pack several changes of clothing and plenty of diapers and wipes.
I am looking forward to a change of scenery and having a bit of a break. I am also looking forward to the different information and counseling sessions. My husband will actually be giving a session and I was asked if I want to participate with and make it a couple's thing. I politely declined. Public speaking is not my thing. I'll gladly blog about special needs but don't put me at the podium in the front of the room.
Besides, I am coming to be inspired by others and to refuel.
I also finally got around to uploading the pictures from my camera. My next step is to actually order prints. As great as digital storage is, I love having pictures organized in real photo- albums that we can look over and return to again and again. The kids love photo albums too although in their enthusiasm they will often be a little too rough with the pages and rip some of them out.
In the meantime I will share two of my favorite shots. Have a wonderful shabbos!


Kids all dressed up for seder. The pic would be even cuter if A's underwear wasnt showing :)



A and I on her class trip to Central Park Zoo