Happy Birthday AY

Today, Rosh Chodesh Kislev is my little AY's first birthday.
Hard to believe that in one year he went from this

to this

He is such a happy kid, a pleasure to be with, as long as he is well slept and fed. He loves playing with his brothers and sister and interacting with people in general..his giggle and infectious laugh are an often heard sound in our apartment these days.
For those who are interested in such things and I know most of you are not, his birth story can be found in this post

I hesitated to write this post with all the craziness going on in Israel...it seemed too happy and carefree. Rest assured Israel is in our thoughts and prayers. We mourn the tragic loss of life and feel for our nation who is once again under fire. May the month of Kislev bring lots of light and miracles into the world.

Waiting for Sandy

So, the internet is abuzz with news of Hurricane Sandy. We too are home, waiting to see how this unfolds.
I think the media hyping everything up and reporting every 15 minutes definitely adds to a sense of unnecessary panic. This storm is something to be taken seriously but hysteria never helped anyone.
I happen to be lucky and live in an area of NYC that is expected to be hit very minimally by the storm. I am grateful for that and very happy that I am not in Atlantic City or other parts of New Jersey.
The MTA shut down their transit last night and school is closed today and will remain closed tomorrow. There are concerns about losing power but there is no way to know if and when that will happen. We just feel like we are in limbo here, waiting and waiting for the storm to finally come so it can be over. It has been over 24 hours of waiting with no rain and some wind, but nothing to write home about.
The storm is supposed to hit tonight and then I guess we will see. For now we are just hanging around at home. The kids are mostly entertaining themselves. I had planned to be productive, cleaning up, organizing closets, etc but in the end I opted for the lazy option of reading, knitting and just hanging around. I think I may regret not having spent the day doing more "useful" days, but I am just viewing it as a "mental health day" where there are no obligations- other than keeping my kids entertained and well fed.
In other news, this little man just turned 11 months and is as delicious as always.

He is really a big boy, crawling all around the apartment, getting into stuff and playing with toys. He definitely likes to explore- the toilet and my kitchen cabinets are his favorite places.
He is pretty steady cruising around while holding on, sometimes just with one hand. He also loves the playground, going down slides and just being able to climb all over. When he is well fed and slept, he is delightful, always smiling and laughing and in a great mood. When he is tired or hungry, he gets cranky and clingy, but then, so do some adults I know.
AY is also a voracious eater- he has been having regular dinner with us these past few nights. One night it was pasta and meat sauce, another night chicken, couscous and carrots. He will eat it all. My friends tell me it is a blessing to have a baby who eats and I totally agree..even if it means I am now cooking dinner for 2 adults and 4 hungry kids :)

Also wanted to share my favorite new blog. She is so funny and spot on. It's called Five kids is a lot of kids- fyi, four is a lot of kids too :) Check it out, but just warning there is some talk about bodily functions...something that happens when you have a lot of kids.

Stay safe and dry!

10 months

Hard to believe but AY will be turning 10 months on Wednesday.
He is a big boy! In the last two weeks, he has finally gone from creeping on his belly to crawling on all fours consistently. He pulls himself up to stand and is pretty steady on his feet, although not quite letting go.
His favorite new place to play is the bathroom. Primarily splashing in the toilet but also emptying out the garbage, eating dirty tissues and emptying the cabinet beneath the sink. He is definitely exploring a lot. I do not have to do much baby proofing since most of the stuff in our apartment is locked up anyway, but I do need to remember to close the bathroom door. And convince the kids that it is not funny to let him have access to the bathroom.

about to get into stuff again!

AY is happiest when he wakes up in the morning and from his mid-day nap. He smiles and laughs a lot and is babbling quite a bit too. He talks with a certain cadence that makes it sound like he is having a real conversation.
He seems to have adjusted to my being at school twice a week although he does get super excited when I walk through the door. He loves food, particularly bananas and yogurt, like his big brother Y. He gets very excited when he sees food and wants whatever we are having. He has four teeth now and is getting pretty adept at chewing food. We were at an event in the shul on Sunday and one of the other Moms there was amazed that he was having a piece of bagel with cream cheese.
The kids love him but it is not all perfect. A. gets upset because now that AY is mobile, he is touching some of her stuff, which is a big no-no. M seems to be jealous of all the attention he gets and tries to hit him at every opportunity. It's a work in progress, this too shall pass.

a little too much "love"

I wish I had some wise words to share with you for Yom Kippur, but I have not had much time for introspection. Since school and the holidays have started, it has been pretty much go-go-go all the time. What it comes down to in the end though, is a sincere desire to grow and change. The most important part is taking all that passion and turning it into some action, no matter how small. Progress, not perfection, Wishing us all a little bit of progress in the coming year.

9 Months

Baby AY is turning 9 months tomorrow. That means he has been around as long as he was gestating in my belly...petty cool!

At 9 months, we are finally getting into a schedule (which, ironically happened while we were on vacation in Israel, because of course your child decides to put himself on a schedule when it would be easier if he wasnt!) which in an ideal world is
7 am wake up
9 30- 11 30 nap
2- 3 30 nap
7 pm bedtime (usually wakes up once in the middle of the night to nurse)
In reality, AY is the lightest sleeper on the planet and he is constantly being woken up from his naps because his siblings are screaming, walking and sometimes just breathing near his room. I am hoping this will get better once the kids are in school. For now I walk around begging everyone to be quiet and use their indoor voices. My husband thinks I am obsessive and that we can't all walk on eggshells because the baby is sleeping. This might be true but he does not have to deal with a cranky baby who has not napped enough because his brothers decided to come say "hi" while he was sleeping...

Some other cool things AY does:
- He eats pretty much anything. He loves food and has gotten the hang of chewing and swallowing without gagging which means no more mushing up vegetables. Because he is my fourth, wants to eat everything he sees us eat and I don't want to deal with him crying, he has sampled  cookies, french fries and pizza. But I am not a terribly neglectful mom. Most days, he eats yogurt, bananas (and other fruit) and pretzels.
-He still gets around by creeping on his tummy. He goes up on all fours but does not like to crawl that way
-He picks himself up to stand and loves to stand like that by the couch
-He smiles and laughs a lot. He loves playing with his big brother Y.
-He is already getting into cabinets and drawers which means it is time yet again to baby proof
-He takes a pacifier for sleeping but is not attached to it like some of our other kids

He is however attached to me. He is in a full-on Mommy stage, which means every time he is near me, he wants to be held and play with me. Sometimes he will play next to me on the floor but mostly he will cry to be picked up. He does not want Abba or the babysitter, he just wants me.
This is very cute and flattering, but also very annoying because Mommys have things to do other than hold babies. Such as make dinner, fold laundry, sweep the floor, etc. I could try and wear him while I do these things but he has not been a fan of babywearing recently and my back is still giving me problems when I carry him for long periods. Plus some of these activities (ie cooking) are not safe to do while holding a baby.
Sometimes I try to hide so I can do stuff but my cover is usually blown when he hears my voice and starts crying because he wants to be with me. Like everything, this is a stage, so I will try not to get too bent out of shape by it. Though I will confess to having put him in his crib one morning where he cried while I sat and drank my coffee in (relative) peace and quiet
- AY is also a big talker. He babbles and coos a lot and sounds like he is trying to tell us important things.

I cannot believe we are slowly heading to the 1 year mark. Check out this yummy boy!!

My baby is finally sleeping- but I am not

Baby AY was a decent sleeper for the first 3 months or so. He took a few naps a day (although never scheduled) and slept a five hour stretch at night. Then at three-four months, something went haywire. He started waking up every 2-3 hours at night and usually cat napped in the stroller but did not take longer naps anymore.
It was very frustrating not to be able to have a chunk of time to get things done during the day, because I never knew when he would be waking up. Usually it was at the most inopportune times, like when my hands were sticky with challah dough that I was kneading. For a while I chalked it up to teething, but there were no teeth to be found.
He was also extremely sensitive to noise. Not a good thing for a fourth child in a loud family. A door opening, the door bell, the phone...anything would wake him up. It was not a great situation. I kept trying to put him on a schedule but he was totally erratic, waking and going to sleep at totally different times. He also started to fight going to sleep. If I tried to put him down to nap when he was so tired that he was rubbing both his eyes, he would just howl. I was a cranky and tired mommy.
My friend kept telling me it was time to move him out of my bedroom. I agreed but was worried about having to actually get up and go into the next room in the middle of the night. I was not sure how M would take to sharing his room. And I was very nervous what the kids would do to him in the morning when they woke up before me. All out of love...but still.
Last week I put him in the crib in M's room a few nights in the middle of the night. I would nurse him at 11, put him in the room, then wake up at 3 to his crying, and stumble back to my bedroom with him, where he spent the rest of the night. It was not working well.
This week, though, the kids decided they wanted M to "sleep over" in their room. We dragged a mattress into their room and since Saturday night, M has been sleeping with them, leaving the other bedroom open for AY.
And amazingly, he is actually sleeping. This week he has slept an about 6-9 hours straight. 11-5, 9-5, ...whatever it is, I will take it.  When he wakes up around 5 or 6, I will usually bring him into our bedroom to nurse and sleep a few more hours, thereby ensuring that no one wakes him up and/or jumps into his crib.He seems to need a quiet environment for sleep and that is fine with me. The only problem is, I am still not sleeping well. Most nights I have woken up several times to make sure he is not crying. With our air conditioning blasting, I am nervous that I will not hear him. So far that has not been the case, and I know I can get a baby monitor if I am really worried, but my body is so used to sleeping lightly, that I find myself waking up at 3 or 4 or 5  for no reason. Add to that that most nights some other child is waking us up and I am still one tired mommy.
But there is light at the end of the tunnel. I am hoping in the next few days my sleep rhythm will re-regulate itself and I will actually sleep a 6-8 hour stretch. If you could bottle uninterrupted sleep and sell it, that is what I would want for my upcoming birthday.

Confessions of a Lactivist

I am a huge proponent of breastfeeding. I truly believe that breast is best, that the nutrients are superior to any formula man can make. There are so many things I love about it- the closeness with my babies, the ease and convenience, being able to just roll over, nurse and go back to sleep in the middle of the night, never having to drag along bottles and formula when going out, etc, etc.

This is the point where I insert a big "but". I love breastfeeding but there are obviously also things I do not like as much

- the fact that breastfed babies usually sleep through the night later

- when babies are fussy and refuse to nurse in certain positions which makes nursing in public very challenging (thankfully AY seems to finally have outgrown this annoying habit

-having to be careful about eating or drinking certain foods which may not be great for baby .ie caffeine, cabbage, broccoli,  alcohol, etc.

- the fact that breastfeeding is all me all the time. On the one hand it is nice to be so "needed", on the other hand it is also very draining and sometimes I just want a break.

-Pumping- This has become more of an issue, now that I am out of the house about four hours a day four times a week. During the spring semester, I was only out of the house two hours twice a week. I had to pump milk but not that much and not so often. 

Now I am pumping about twice a day and am really not enjoying it. I only have a hand pump which is a lot more labor intensive. I also have a hard time getting a let-down on a pump so I am always nervous that I do not have enough milk. 

 AY has recently started solids, so the pressure is a bit less, because he usually eats a yogurt while I am out but I still need to pump and do not look forward to my pumping sessions. I am happy that I only have a bit over a week left to this course, but I really do have new found respect for full-time working moms who make the commitment to pump for their babies. 

What I have decided though, and it took me to till the fourth child to realize this, is that while breastfeeding is certainly the ideal, if I had to supplement with formula, it would not be the end of the world. Case in point- three months ago I attended a good friends wedding. I knew I would be away for a large part of the day and really tried to build up a milk stash, but was going through a low supply phase and knew I did not have enough. Rather than spend hours worrying about my hungry and crying baby, I bought some formula so the sitter would have a back-up. He ended having about 6 oz. of formula and nothing happened :)

I have spoken to two other mothers recently who echoed the same sentiment. They are committed to breastfeeding but if for some reason, they cannot pump or are worried about amounts, they will happily supplement with formula. This may sound like common sense, but many breastfeeding "purists" would look down on such scenarios and say I was not "committed" enough.

I want to clarify that I think that breastfeeding is not encouraged enough in the United States. There are many women who are under-informed and I would love to help advocate and educate for breastfeeding, either as a L&D or post partum nurse.  I also think that just because something is hard sometimes, does not mean we should throw in the towel right away. Yes, breastfeeding can be challenging in the beginning and sometimes even months in. But it is a worthwhile investment in your child.

And yet...life is not perfect. In a perfect world, your child would never have a drop of formula, never be left to cry and always have all their needs met immediately. But life is not perfect and we do the best we can and if that means a bottle of formula now and then that is okay.

What are your thoughts on this issue?

Six Months

I feel like I just wrote AY's five month post. I was not even sure I was going to write one for this month because not much had changed. But then seemingly over night, two things happened:

1)  He started crawling! AY has been pivoting and rolling over for a while already but then over Shabbos, he actually managed to propel himself forward a bit, using a combination of shimmying his legs and pulling his arms. Over the past three days he has been practicing this skill and it is really amazing to see how fast and far he can get. This of course means he will soon be getting into trouble like his older siblings. And that I have to be more careful with whatever is on the floor, as he is likely to stuff it into his mouth.
Speaking of mouth, we also started him on solids. He has been very interested in food for the past few weeks, and while I was planning on exclusively breastfeeding till six months, I decided to start him a bit earlier. He has been eating a few bites of pureed fruits and vegetables but nothing major. The problem is that he wants to eat everything we are eating, which he is not quite ready for. I have been letting him suck on some bagels and animal crackers but need to be careful not to let him bite off a piece, as he tends to gag on anything that is not smooth. I will also try a mesh feeder so he can feed himself and try out other food items.

2) AY also started having seperation/stranger anxiety. Until now, he has been content to be held by anyone and he used to give my babysitter the biggest smile when she walked in the door. Then on Sunday, when my in-laws came to visit, he did smile at them but did not really want them to hold him. And today, he started crying when the babysitter took him from me. She said he was sad most of the afternoon and was refusing to eat much.
I know this is a normal developmental stage but it definitely increases the mommy guilt to leave the house when your baby is crying and knowing that they actually can miss you now. We do get to spend a lot of time together, though, and I also spent most of the morning wearing him, so we definitely had lots of snuggle timing.

 AY loves kisses. His favorite spot is his neck. When he is in the Ergo, he will sometimes throw back his head so I can kiss his neck. He closes his eyes and has the biggest smile on his face while I "eat" his neck. It is really the cutest thing.
He is also babbling and cooing a lot. No teeth yet although lots of sucking and biting down on things. Any toy automatically goes into his mouth. That is how he explores at this age.
He is rolly-polly and  mostly pleasure to hang out with. We are still working on sleeping better. He seems to really fight sleep sometimes. He also wants to sleep next to me, which is fine some of the time but I would like him to be able to sleep in his crib independently as well. I do not want him to be too dependent on me for falling asleep, if I am ever not home.
Check him out- this is us as the Celebrate Israel Parade on Sunday

Happy 5 month Birthday AY!

Today, AY turned 5 months old. At the risk of sounding very cliche, I cannot believe how the time has flown.
At 5 months, AY is rolling over from his back to tummy and also tummy to back. He can pivot and also push himself backward a bit. Basically, this is the beginning of mobility.
He can grasp rattles and toys and likes spending time on his playmat reaching for things.

I am not sure if he is teething or not but he is constantly sticking things in his mouth, whether toys or his fingers. 

When he is in a good mood and not tired, he is a very smiley, happy baby. He smiles a lot and also laughs and coos.

As is to be expected, when he is tired, he gets very cranky and just wants to be held or rocked till he falls asleep. In general he likes to be held a lot and I often have him in the Ergo or my Moby wrap. He seems to enjoy both of them.
 He is exclusively nursing and at 17 lbs, a big boy but has become increasingly fussy about breastfeeding. He only likes to nurse lying down or when it is quiet and sometimes even screams when I try to feed him that way, which is very frustrating. My mommy intuition fails me when it comes to this problem and I wish I had an answer to his fussiness as it is making nursing increasingly unpleasant.
He is not yet sleeping through the night but I am okay with it, as long as I do not get woken up too often. What confounds my sleep deprivation is AYs siblings who seem to always find a reason to wake me at  the lovely hours of 2 30, 4 or 5 30.
The older kids love AY and love speaking to him, playing with him, making him laugh and watching him take a bath. He has definitely become part of our family and I almost do not remember life without him.
Happy Birthday AY- and many many more :)

PS: More importantly, today is Israel Independence Day, Yom Haatzmaut. More on that a different time.

This too shall pass

As a parent, one of the first things you learn is that your child will go through many different phases. Nursing every two hours, teething, throwing food, whatever you're dealing with, it is most likely a stage.
The problem is, when you are living it, you can get very discouraged and feel like it will never end.
Just a few weeks ago, I was speaking to a new mom whose 7 week old baby was colicky and not sleeping much. When I told her that things pass and get better, I could see that she did not believe me. She wanted to, but she was so caught up in the here and now that she could not imagine another reality.
I am trying to keep this in mind as I am going through a new stage with Baby AY. He is usually a pretty good sleeper but this past week he has been wanting to be nursed and snuggled with for 45 minutes to an hour in order to fall asleep. And he has been having trouble staying asleep, waking more often at night. I am not sure what is behind this stage- teething, growth spurt, no reason at all. It does not matter why, it is just really bad timing with Passover less than a week away (!!) and nights being my prime time to get things done. But truthfully it is never a good time to be sleep deprived.
So while intellectually, I am thinking "It's a phase, he will get over it," emotionally I have kind of had it. I mean I love to snuggle with him, he is very yummy but every night from 8 30 to 9 30 is a bit much. People often say, "enjoy every minute, they grow so fast'. It is true, they are growing super fast, but that does not mean that every second is enjoyable. Honestly, some parts of parenting are just not fun. Toilet-training, tantrums and vomit are just a few things that come to mind. While we cherish some moments, there are other times where we cannot wait for a day/month/stage to be OVER.
 So I just keep repeating to myself- this too shall pass. One day he will sleep six or more hours straight. One day Y and M will be fully trained and there will be no more daily loads of wet pants and underwear. Until then, I will just try to be patient and focus on the good stuff.
Update- I started this post three days ago. It took me awhile to finish it and I am happy to report that I have found a solution to AY's nightly nursing marathons. After lying down with him and feeding him for about fifteen minutes, I transfer him into his crib with a pacifier (which he is finally agreeing to take) and his Aden and Anais swaddle cloth (I found another good use for them). Not sure if he likes holding it because it smells like me, like breastmilk or because it is soft, but this seems to do the trick. This only works if he has nursed enough and he is really ready to sleep but problem solved for now. On to the next stage:)

Product Review- Aden and Anais

With the new baby, came the question of new baby gear. Did I have everything already or were there some things I needed? Was there anything new out there? Over the past few years, I had started seeing the Aden and Anais Swaddle Wrap Cloths everywhere. They seemed like a good idea and had cute designs, but once I saw the price tag, I was less enthusiastic to pay so much for what seemed like glorified burp cloths.
Still, something about them appealed to me. When I had the opportunity to use some store credit in a baby store, I decided to go for it and buy a pack.
I have to say that I really, really love them. They are soft and very large and come in handy for lots of things. I use them as a cover when I am out and nursing in public. Their extra large size ensures that I am more than adequately covered and the light material is good for not overheating the baby under a thick covering.
 I use them to clean up spit up or as a changing pad if I do not have one handy. They are great for swaddling the baby, although Baby AY is getting bigger and doesn't seem to need the swaddling as much. They also work as a light blanket, another layer on these pre-spring days.
I have also used the cloths as a covering for his stroller when he is sleeping and we are out and about. Like this, the kids won't poke him and wake him  up and he is also not as exposed to the noises and stimulation of the busy NYC streets. In short, it has become my go-to item and I do not leave home without them.
I am still not super thrilled with the price (between $35-50 for a pack of 4) but at least I now know why they are so popular. My recommendation would be to buy this item if you are pregnant or have a newborn. And if you are really lucky, maybe someone will read this post and gift you a set, so you do not have to pay for it!

It's 8 pm- Official Cranky Time

I will preface this post by saying I really should not complain because Baby AY is a pretty good sleeper. He has gone a decent stretch at night almost since he was born. When all the stars align properly, I am only waking up once a night to feed him and then again at 6 am, which is technically morning already even though I wish it wasn't. So once he is sleeping it is all good.
But there is always a catch. The problem in this case is the hours preceding his going to bed. AY has decided that 8 to 10 pm is his cranky time/witching hour/time to be colicky. When he is in a bad mood it can be 8 to 11. During that time there is a lot of crying and screaming going on and he needs to be held throughout.
Some nights he cluster feeds and falls asleep only to wake up crying as soon as he is put down. Other nights he just screams and cries like he is in pain and no amount of rocking/position changing and walking/wheeling him around the apartment helps until he has decided that he is done. When he has stomach aches, I cannot wear him in a babycarrier because the positioning is uncomfortable for him and he needs to be held in a way that supports his belly. Sometimes he will have a period like that during the day as well, although it's usually shorter.
We have never really had a baby that was a screamer so it is a new experience for us. My husband and I joked around that Y did not cry till he was about 5 days old and even then it was a meek little cry. The other two  definitely cried but were usually easily calmed down, mostly by nursing or holding. This is my first time with a baby that will cry and sometimes not be comforted. Most of the time I can just pick him up and find a position that he likes that will quiet him down. But I have also come to accept that sometimes he is just going to cry no matter what I do. Accepting it does not make it less frustrating though. There is only so much screaming one can take before it starts to get to you. On bad nights, my husband and I tag-team the baby, taking turns holding him. Other nights, AY and I do the whole screaming/nursing/holding/putting down/wake up again screaming-dance alone. I get through it because I know eventually he will fall asleep and stay asleep for several hours.
But my nights are not quite my own these days; they are dictated by AY's moods. I have been getting a lot of reading done, both online and books/magazines because there is not much else you can do with a crying child in arms. I also walk around the apartment picking up toys with my one free arm or attempt to put in loads of laundry one-handedly. Tonight I organized a bin of random flashcards and other cards that are all part of different children's games. Like everything else, it is a phase/stage and I am sure he will outgrow it. Until then, it may be worth investing in a pair of earplugs.

Busy Day

Today was going to be the day when I finally post some info on homebirth...but it has been a busy day and my bed is calling. In my quest to get back to a normal schedule, here are some of the things I accomplished:
-buy Channukah presents for the kids, although I still need something for Y.
-buy a pretty sweater for myself (thanks Mom!)
-pick M up from school. This is totally worth it because he is so excited to see me. He says, " My Mommy's here with my new baby brother!"
-cook food for shabbos AND dinner
- pick up A from school as a surprise and have her proudly introduce Baby AY to her Morahs and friends
- the regular homework/dinner/bath/bedtime craziness
-finally order thank you cards on snapfish with this cute picture on them. Plus I had a 50 percent off coupon.

- hold this cute baby for about two hours straight because 8 30 to 10 30 seems to be his cranky time.
Now that he has finally fallen asleep, I am going to take this as my cue to try and get to bed too.
But to get things started a little bit, I'll share one great article about homebirth.- Why women should not fear homebirth  by Mayim Bialik. I hope some of you read it and share your thoughts

Ready to Leave Hibernation

AY is officially two weeks old and I am ready to rejoin the world. When M was born, my midwife at the time suggested to me that I not leave the house for the first two weeks so I would not overdo it. At the time, it seemed a little crazy to me, but I decided to give it a try.
I thought I would go stir-crazy not going out for so long but the truth was, it was really relaxing to just be home. And it definitely was a good safeguard to not overexert myself. So when AY was born, I decided to do the same thing. For the first week of his life, I left the house only two times- for a pediatrician's visit and to take A to buy shoes at a store around the corner (this was not really planned but I felt that she needed a little extra attention)
The second week, I only left the house on Sunday to go to the bris. This past Friday, I decided that I was feeling well enough and was ready to get some air. I picked M up from school and it felt nice to be outdoors again, and to see some people other than my lovely family. Last night I went out for some frozen yogurt and today, my mom and I took the older kids to the playground, which was my longest outing yet.
So I guess I am now officially leaving the house again. As nice as it was to have this time to rest. I am looking forward to getting out a bit, taking AY for some walks, doing some of my own errands rather than relying on others and taking M to school. And I am definitely ready to rejoin civilization.

And now for some Channukah fun- presenting the Maccabeats singing Matisahu's "Miracle"

Baby update

AY is almost two weeks old! Time really  has flown by, it's mostly been a blur of nursing, changing and holding the baby, along with lots of time spent in bed sleeping or at least attempting to sleep.
AY will sleep nice stretches, but when he is up, he wants to be held most of the time. I have been trying out the sling I got and he seems to like it. It's pretty comfortable and I have my hands free. I can see myself using it a lot, especially once I start taking the kids down to the bus again. I also want to find my Moby wrap which I seemed to have stored away somewhere.
I am definitely feeling much stronger this week. I don't collapse into bed by 8 pm anymore and I have gotten some projects done, including putting away my maternity clothes and swapping it for my winter stuff. The next step is organizing all the baby clothes we got as gifts. And if I am really ambitious I might even start working on thank-you cards...but that can probably wait another week or two.
My parents are still here for another week, which will give me some time to ease into my regular routine. Next week I want to start doing some of the pick-up and drop offs for school again and also cook a bit. People have been really generous with sending us dinners, but I think I am ready to start choosing my own menu, rather than being surprised every evening and hoping the kids will like the offerings.
I know it is too soon to expect a routine and a schedule but I do hope we will get there in the next few weeks. Meanwhile, I want to try and enjoy this time, rather than just trying to get through it. The little man has already graduated from Newborn diapers to size 1...before we blink, he won't be so little anymore!

AY's birth story

My doula Leda came for a postpartum visit today and presented me with a lovely birth story. This inspired me to finally write down my own version. Note- if you do not like birth stories and do not want to read about mucous plugs, contractions and amniotic fluid, stop reading right now. Otherwise, consider yourself warned and read  on:
During this pregnancy, I started having Braxton Hicks/ pre-labor contractions pretty early on, around 34 weeks. I was surprised, but my midwife Miriam reassured me that it was normal for symptoms to appear earlier in subsequent pregnancies. On November 7th, in my 36th week, I had a day of more intense contractions and all around weird sensations and I thought I may be in labor and that my water had broken (it had not). The sensations went away in the evening though and for the next few weeks, I went about my regular business, having some days with more contractions, others with less. I tried to rest up more, especially at nights. I always knew the contractions were not real labor because they did not hurt that much and because they stopped when I was lying down.
I saw my midwife Wednesday before Thanksgiving and she said everything looked great. We scheduled our next visit for Thursday, December 1st, my due date. My husband laughed and said there was no way we were still going to be seeing her pregnant that day.
Friday November 25th started out as a pretty regular day. The kids were all home so we spent time at the park in the morning and then the afternoon getting ready for shabbos. A little bit after candle-lighting, I noticed that I was having a lot of discharge, more than usual. This continued on for most of the evening so I asked my husband if I could call the midwife just to check in and see if it might be amniotic fluid. I told her what was going on and she told me she thought it was my mucous plug and not amniotic fluid. She also told me how to check to be sure, to go to bed early and call her if anything changes.
I went to bed early and had a pretty good night's sleep although I just felt something was going on. I was not having a lot of contractions, but something felt different. I also remember having a few contractions lying down and thinking it was weird, because I had never had contractions in bed.
Shabbos morning I woke up and soon after started having real contractions. They felt different than the Braxton- Hicks because they were stronger, although still not very painful. They were coming about every 15 to 20 minutes. I told my husband to go to shul but to make sure the janitor would pick up the phone in case I needed him. I was not sure if I should go to shul, but once I saw that the contractions were still irregular and not hard to deal with, I decided to take the kids. I figured it would distract me and also keep them busy. It is hard for them to be home all day so I wanted to take them out.
Shul was pretty uneventful. We only went around 10 45 and left about 12  so we were not there for that long. I was able to daven and interact with people at the kiddush after, while every 20 minutes or so taking 45 seconds to surreptitiously breathe through a contraction. Around 12 I decided it was probably best to head home. We then had a pretty normal shabbos lunch. I wanted to go about with my routine as much as possible until I felt like I could not anymore. So I served everyone lunch and I ate a good meal to make sure I was well nourished and hydrated for labor. We sang songs and talked about the parsha with the kids.
The contractions started feeling stronger and coming closer together. At some point my husband walked into the kitchen while I was leaning into the counter and breathing/swaying. He shook his head and said something like, "It's a good thing you know about this stuff and are calm."
By now I knew this baby was coming that day, it was just a question of when. We discussed dropping the kids off by friends but there were some teenage girls coming over to play with them around 3, so we decided to wait and see what was going on once the girls left. Maybe we could stall till bedtime or at least till shabbos was over when we could distract the kids with the iPad.
We finished lunch around 1 45 and I told my husband to go rest because I could not sleep with contractions anyway. I decided to read on the couch while the kids played. The contractions were closer together when I was actively moving around so I was trying to stall a bit by staying lying down. The contractions were more uncomfortable that way. The kids still had no idea anything was going on. They did not really notice me breathing through contractions and I wasn't doing anything else at this point.
When the girls arrived to watch the kids around 3, I excused myself to go lie down. I called Miriam to tell her what was going on. Because the contractions were still spaced out when resting, she thought I probably still had some time but told me she would be close by, awaiting my call. I was a bit disappointed because I thought she would come right over, but decided Miriam was probably right and there was still more time.
I tried to lie down and rest a bit, but I was too excited by all the happenings. Plus I could not stay lying down during the contractions which were now 7-8 minutes apart and getting stronger.
The turning point came at 3 45 when I went to the bathroom and all of a sudden, started having contractions every 2-3 minutes. I stayed in the bathroom for a bit because I felt more comfortable there but when I saw that they were not slowing down and also thought my water might have broken, I realized I needed to call Miriam back.
I called Miriam around 4 10 and told her I was ready for her to come ASAP. I also called my doula Leda who happened  to be on her way to the West Side anyway. She said if I was calling her on Shabbos, something must really be going on. It was a little strange making all these calls on Shabbos, but I knew it was the right thing to do. If anything I probably should have called earlier!
From here, everything went really fast. My husband asked the girls to stay so he could daven mincha. He would watch the kids till the end of shabbos and then put on a video for them. There was only 45 minutes left till the end of Shabbos so that seemed to make sense.
He also brought me some water. Meanwhile I decided to get in the shower to cope with the contractions. By now they were really intense but thankfully they were very short, maybe 30 seconds or so. Maybe 45. I wasn't timing anything at this point, just trying to get through one at a time. The shower was incredibly helpful. I let the water run down my back while leaning into the wall and moaning.
I could have just stayed there. I did not really want to move but I realized I was close to pushing and decided to call Miriam again to make sure she was really coming! Just as I came out of the bathroom, Miriam walked in. It was 4 45 and I was so relieved to see her. I told her I thought I was almost ready to push and she took one look at me and agreed. She checked the baby's heartbeat and said it sounded great.
About two contractions later, Leda walked in and I started to feel a real urge to push. At 4 57, with one of my first pushes, my water broke. At first I was pushing standing up but then I decided to move onto my bed. This was my first time pushing self-directed rather than the counting way they do in the hospital. It felt better this way to push when I felt the need to, rather than when the doctor tells you to. I could feel the baby moving down, although I could not see anything because of the position I was in.
At this point, Leda asked if she should go get my husband and take over the kids. I was very much in the moment and did not want her to leave my side. I also was not sure how he could be in the room for modesty reasons. Looking back, I regret that decision. I did not realize how soon the baby was going to be born and I wish he could have been there. I was also just really focused on getting the baby OUT. Throughout my labor I had been pretty calm and in control, even through what must have been transition while I was in the shower. But now I was starting to lose it and just wanted it to be over. With every push I kept asking if the head was crowning yet. I actually only pushed for 10 minutes but it felt like forever at the time. Finally I felt the baby crowning and the head emerged. I was assuming that from that point on, he would slide right out like the others did, but instead I felt incredible pain as his shoulders and the rest of his body came out. It was the only time in my labor when I actually screamed really loud. I remember saying, "What's going on?" because I thought something was wrong.
But then the baby was here! Miriam and Leda helped me turn from my knees onto my back and handed me the baby. They covered us in towels so we would be warm and I got my first look at the baby. I checked the gender and announced "It's a boy". He was covered in vernix and cried right away. In fact, Miriam said he started  making sounds before his whole body was even out. She also told me that the pain I had felt was him coming out straight with both shoulders, as opposed to rotating one shoulder at a time, so she had helped him along a bit. Even so, I only had a minor tear that did not need any repairs. The baby looked great. His APGARS were 9 and 10.

As soon as the baby was born and I was covered, Leda went to get my husband so he could meet our new baby. It was a very special moment. We were waiting to cut the cord until the placenta was out so I just lay there with the baby on me, getting to know him. I felt the cord pulsating, which was pretty cool. The baby cried a bit and at first he was not so interested in nursing but after 20-30 minutes, he latched on like a pro.
Soon after,I delivered the placenta and we cut the cord. The kids came in at some point to meet their new baby brother. They were very excited.

After about an hour, Miriam examined me to make sure my bleeding was normal (it was) and did a newborn exam on the baby. He measured 21 inches and weighed in at 8lbs 6 oz, although I think Miriam's scale might have been a bit off and he was probably more like 8 lbs 2 oz. He passed his newborn exam with flying colors- his color was good, all his reflexes were in order and, as a bonus,  he was beautiful!
I could not believe how normal everything had felt. I also was feeling very good for just having given birth. When I told Miriam that my perineum felt a bit sore, she laughed and said, "Well you did just have a baby come out of there!"  I got up to take a shower, while Leda and Miriam changed the sheets and cleaned up the room. The mess was pretty contained and it was easily done. I also got dressed so we could take some pictures with the baby.
Miriam left around 6 45 after making sure we were all settled and okay. She told me to call her anytime if I had any questions and that she was available to come back if I needed her. Leda stayed for a bit longer. She got some laundry started and brought me dinner- orange juice and cereal.
My husband put the kids to bed and called our parents to share the news. By 8 pm, everyone had left, the kids were sleeping and I was lying in bed with the baby. I marveled at him and at how smoothly things had gone. It's truly a miracle how one moment you are pregnant and then all of a sudden there is this little person. We felt incredibly blessed.

PS: I know a lot of you are curious about the logistics of home birth. I plan to do a more comprehensive post about it in the next few weeks, including frequently asked questions, the safety of homebirth, etc. so stay tuned!

And his name is....

Aharon Yochanan, from hereon to be referred to as Baby AY. The bris was really beautiful, although I spent too much time on my feet and was exhausted afterwards. My husband gave an amazing speech, which I have yet to hear, explaining the significance of the name and praising me :) I am waiting on the audio recording. It was also nice to see so many people make an effort and come out to share in our celebration.
I had originally scheduled a babysitter to come watch the boys during the bris and bring them to shul a bit later. I did not think they could sit quietly and did want to have to worry about them running around the shul. As luck would have it, her alarm was set to vibrate and she overslept. This meant I had to reorient myself and get to shul with all four kids by by myself. Luckily we don't live too far and everyone cooperated. Once we got there though, I quickly lost both boys and could only hope someone was with them.
As the bris was going on, I was trying to focus and pray while Y was running back and forth from the men's to the women's section and M was attempting to swing himself over the banister. I thought to myself- I am not going to be upset. G'd clearly had a reason He wanted my boys to be at the bris...even though I myself did not want them there.
It worked out in the end. My mother pitched in and then a close friend saved the day by distracting M with her iPhone and making sure Y was accounted for and safe. My babysitter came at 9 30. She felt terrible and made up for it by taking all three of the kids and keeping them busy through the entire meal so I could eat and greet others :)
Baby AY is doing okay. He slept a lot and does not like having his diaper changed but he is a trooper. He and I are getting ready for another early night. I feel a little silly going to bed every night at 9 pm but I also know that that is what I need right now in order to regain my strength. Tomorrow the kids go back to school and I am planning on spending another morning in bed, snuggling with my little one.

Me and AY all ready for shabbos

First Shabbos

I can't believe our little man is already a week old. On Friday night, I was very emotional. First at candle-lighting, when I added another candle for the baby, I started to cry. Then at the meal- my husband giving him a bracha and making kiddush for all of us made me tear up again. It just felt like the baby was now officially part of our family. It was very overwhelming- in a good way.
Today I kept thinking about last week, when I was in labor. All afternoon I had been timing contractions, wondering if this baby was still going to be born on shabbos. Then at 5 05 I thought about how he had just been born and how the midwife placed him in my arms  and I discovered that he was a boy...it was really a wonderful experience.
I do want to write up the story of his birth, before I forget anything. But tonight, I need to get a good night's sleep. We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow- the Bris and Naming!

Bonding with Baby

I took my own advice and got into bed around 8 45 last night and stayed there till 7 30 the next morning. Obviously I was up quite a bit with feedings but the baby also slept some longer stretches so I woke up feeling much better. I also spent most of the morning in bed, partially napping and partially reading. It was just what I needed and I was able to enjoy it, feeling I was doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing...resting and bonding with my baby.
I realized that after birth, you need to slow down to recover. But this act of slowing down and resting also sets the perfect stage for you to spend a lot of time with your baby- nursing, holding, sleeping together. All this is really what facilitates optimal bonding with your baby. There is the natural motherly bond/love that kicks in right away but it's the act of nurturing and giving that really deepens that connection.  My midwife calls it a period of "falling in love" and after 4 days of cuddling and feeding this yummy boy, I am definitely feeling it.

PS: Today marks the end of NaBloPoMo! I made it through, although I did miss one day towards the beginning.  I am definitely taking the day off tomorrow, possibly through the weekend. While it was a nice challenge to post every day, I need a break. But I will be back soon...stay tuned!

Day 3- I am not Superwoman

I think I might be overdoing it. In fact, I know I am. I got a decent night's sleep last night with the baby had good intentions to rest in the afternoon but somehow it just never happened.
We went on our first outing to the pediatrician, which was tiring. Then the mohel came over to check the baby just as I was planning to take a nap. Then the baby woke up. Then M came home from school. Then my midwife came to do a post-partum check. Then a grocery delivery came. Then Y came home from school...and so it went.
Couple that with the typical Day 3 issues of hormones crashing and milk coming in and you have one cranky Mama. A cranky mommy who is shutting down at 8 30 pm and dealing with everything else tomorrow. Let's just hope the baby cooperates with this plan.

Day 1

I cannot believe our little addition has been with us for over 24 hours! So far we have had a smooth transition. He slept a decent amount between feedings both last night and today, although a lot of it was in my arms. Am going to have to get used to sharing my bed with a baby again.
To those who noticed- yes, that is not a hospital bed in the picture. Our little man was born at home with a midwife. I am hoping to post my birth story at some point, but for now I will just say that it was the right decision for us and that it just felt so normal. And it's nice to be home in my own bed
We had family friends come over in the morning to help out and then my in-laws in the afternoon, so I have really been able to rest. My friend came by with a supply of cookies, always a necessity to have around. I am so grateful for all the support and offers of help. I am sure I will need it. I have learned the hard way that if you overdo it in the beginning, it will only come back to bite you later. Resting now will hold me in good stead later on.
Speaking of rest, the baby is sleeping so I will try to get some sleep too!
I'll just leave you with another picture of our cutie