disconnected

I have to confess, that I am very attached to my android smartphone and laptop. In fact, I started this blog post on my trusty phone. I use my phone to communicate with teachers, therapists, and other work I need to take care of for the kids or myself. I shop for diapers, clothing and food on my laptop. I keep my to-do lists on it and keep track of  meetings with apps. But I would be lying if I said I only use my phone to help me be more efficient.
I also text my friends to check in on them and share my day and sometimes waste time on facebook and reading blogs I like. And some days I could do a better job of leaving the phone in my purse and being more present with my kids. Which is why vacation is always nice. 
I have my phone with me, but the service is not great. I also do not take it along most of the time when we go out to the pool or to other activities. At night I do not spend as much time on the computer as I do at home, although I do try to keep up with emails...because somehow the work never stops fully.
Still, it is nice to take a little "communication break" while we are here. The truth is, though, that I would not want it to be this way all the time.
A friend of mine is away for the summer in a place where she has very limited phone and internet access. She feels cut off from the world but not in a good way. She feels lonely and abandoned. Because, for many, mothers of young children, our days often seem long and isolated. We are home or at the park with our kids. Nobody know that we have just changed the 10th diaper of the day or cleaned yet another apple juice spill. And while, it is not earth shattering, it is nice to sometimes be able to share the little things with someone to feel less like it is us alone in the big bad world. As pathetic as it may sound, it is so validating to have someone else empathize and even just say "poor you, I hope your day gets better/ he starts sleeping/ he stops having accidents every 20 minutes."
That, I think, is often the appeal of mom-blogs and list-serves/websites for mothers. We want to share. Even if we cannot always physically get together with our friends for coffee, we connect over the internet or through texting and sharing random pictures of our hilarious children. To know there are others like us, doing the same work, which is sometimes amazing and sometimes amazingly frustrating.
So while I am enjoying this little break from reality, once we get back from summer and head back into a more scheduled/routine life, I will definitely be using my phone again. I will try to be mindful not to obsess and to be in the moment as well, but I will be texting and blogging and sharing on facebook to make me feel a little more connected to others like me.
Plus, then I would not be able to share cute pictures like this...AY eating his first ice cream that Y so graciously shared with him :)

What are your thoughts on social media?

Update on Summer School

I am now heading towards the end of the second week of my summer semester (6 days down, 13 to go but who is counting?) It has been both better and harder than I expected.
Better because my professor usually does not make us stay till 6 10. we usually leave between 5 30 and 5 45. She is nice and is very clear about her expectations for the class and it is not too difficult.
Harder because, although it is not terribly complicated or hard, there is A LOT of material to be covered. A big part of it is memorization, which requires a lot of time. I spent the last week memorizing slides of different tissues and the different parts of the epidermis and dermis (for all the uninitiated, that means skin). Our first lab exam was today and I think I nailed it..yay!
I am also relieved that my babysitter is working out very well. She is amazing and does not seem to get frazzled by the many demands of the kids. It is a team effort. My husband has been helpful with getting children to their special activities, so the sitter does not have to take everyone along. My mom is visiting now too and pitches in as well.  By the time I get home the kids are all fed and in PJs and my babysitter is usually semi-successfully prodding them to clean up their toys a bit.
It also helps that I have been pretty organized. I use the mornings to clean up, do laundry, buy groceries and make dinner, so that things run smoothly when I am away. It is very comforting to know that my kids are in good hands.  That way I can focus on starting to memorize the 80 bones of the axial skeleton. Fun times.

Life with Four

As my parents' departure looms closer, I am starting to think about what life will be like when I am on my own with my crew. I think my biggest challenge will be the morning- getting all of us dressed, bundled up and and out of the house in time to catch A's bus across the street at 7 36. If I can manage that, the rest should be a cinch. The other crazy time in our home is 4 to 6 pm but I usually have help at that time to make sure everyone gets fed, bathed and their homework done before going to bed.
Two interesting developments that could make the next few weeks challenging: One of our longtime babysitters is going to Italy for a semester abroad at the beginning of January, so next week is her last week helping out. Finding a good caregiver is hard. This particular young woman has been working with our kids on and off for two years now on different days and in different ways. She really loves our kids and knows them well. She will be sorely missed...and I need to find someone to replace her. If anyone reading this knows any students who may be available to help out Mondays and Wednesday afternoons after 3 45, send them my way...I am totally serious!
Secondly, Y and M will be off from school for a week at the end of December for a holiday break. Friendship Circle is running a winter camp for children with special needs so I think I will sign Y up. Having him home all week needing to be entertained could prove to be a bit overwhelming.
Speaking of overwhelming, two of my favorite bloggers wrote posts this week about the insanity that is life with four young children (excuse some of the language...they have had a rough day!). I had to laugh at Mama Birth's and Melissa's descriptions of their kids' antics...but not too much, because I know that that may be me in a few weeks. Something to look forward to :)

Getting Help

I guess the most exciting news of the weekend is that my back feels significantly better. The massage therapist was able to really zone in on the spots that hurt. She said she could feel the knots and tension there and I could feel that she was really hitting the right places. I have been painfree since the massage and hope that is stays that way.
Sometimes I feel guilty about treating myself to things like massages or some babysitting time but I am also aware that it does not really help anyone when women set themselves up to be martyrs. You cannot keep giving to others if you do not take care of yourself. While most women would agree on this idea in principle, we are often very good at making excuses as to why we don't really need the extra help/sleep/etc... Obviously everyone needs to take their financial situation into account but some basic needs we often neglect are sleep, adequate nutrition and breaks from childcare.
While I was nervous about the busy weekend we had planned, everything ran really smoothly because of the network of help we had set up. First of all, I got my back fixed. Next I made sure to get a good night's sleep Friday night (kudos to my husband for getting up with the kids on Shabbos mornings). Finally, we had a babysitter accompany us to shul to make sure the kids would be supervised and safe. She also stayed for lunch so that my husband could focus on the guests, I could focus on hosting/serving and know the kids were taken care of as well. Basically, everyone was happy and everyone's needs were met. And I wasn't a total exhausted wreck by the end of shabbos.
The moral of the story- take care of yourself so you can take care of others. Shavua Tov

The repetitiveness of childcare and housework

I was talking to a friend recently and mentioning to her my ongoing frustration with the never-ending cyclical work of mothers/caregivers. You cook food, then it is eaten and you have to cook again.You do laundry and then you wash it again, you wash dishes, sweep the floor, and then you need to do it all again the next day. Nothing lasts. You get the picture.
What I love about knitting (on a side note- I am almost done with a grey sweater coat for myself and I think it looks really nice. Will post pics when it's done) is that it's permanent. At the end of the day or week, I can hold up something concrete, a sleeve perhaps, and say "I made this."
But my friend had an interesting insight, that I had not thought of. She agreed that many parts of housework/childcare are mundane and repeat ad nausea. But there are moments and memories that last beyond that. You can host a big Purim seuda for 35 people, and while the food may be gone, you will still have the satisfaction of having had a delicious and successful meal. You will  remember the fun that was had and the people who enjoyed your home. The same is true for the birthday cake you make that your daughter loves and shows her that you care, or the many times you wake up in the middle of then night to comfort your baby.
Of course this cannot be applied to every dirty diaper that we change. Much of the work we do really is mundane and repetitive. But it's important to remember that all the little, at times annoying, tasks add up to a bigger picture. They are all part of the process of investing in your home and family and becoming closer with your kids through everyday interactions.In this way you truly are the caregiver of your home, the one who gives care and love to all members of the household through the myriad of things you do every day. Even if you have to redo them again tomorrow. And the day after that.
And while you are busy taking care of everyone and everything, don't forget to give yourself some care and love every once in a while- preferably daily. Somehow we always put ourselves last. So go for coffee, read a book, or lock yourself in the bathroom for 5 minutes of quiet time. It's the least you deserve. After all, you are creating memories, love and little people.

An example of the messes we deal with here