The repetitiveness of childcare and housework

I was talking to a friend recently and mentioning to her my ongoing frustration with the never-ending cyclical work of mothers/caregivers. You cook food, then it is eaten and you have to cook again.You do laundry and then you wash it again, you wash dishes, sweep the floor, and then you need to do it all again the next day. Nothing lasts. You get the picture.
What I love about knitting (on a side note- I am almost done with a grey sweater coat for myself and I think it looks really nice. Will post pics when it's done) is that it's permanent. At the end of the day or week, I can hold up something concrete, a sleeve perhaps, and say "I made this."
But my friend had an interesting insight, that I had not thought of. She agreed that many parts of housework/childcare are mundane and repeat ad nausea. But there are moments and memories that last beyond that. You can host a big Purim seuda for 35 people, and while the food may be gone, you will still have the satisfaction of having had a delicious and successful meal. You will  remember the fun that was had and the people who enjoyed your home. The same is true for the birthday cake you make that your daughter loves and shows her that you care, or the many times you wake up in the middle of then night to comfort your baby.
Of course this cannot be applied to every dirty diaper that we change. Much of the work we do really is mundane and repetitive. But it's important to remember that all the little, at times annoying, tasks add up to a bigger picture. They are all part of the process of investing in your home and family and becoming closer with your kids through everyday interactions.In this way you truly are the caregiver of your home, the one who gives care and love to all members of the household through the myriad of things you do every day. Even if you have to redo them again tomorrow. And the day after that.
And while you are busy taking care of everyone and everything, don't forget to give yourself some care and love every once in a while- preferably daily. Somehow we always put ourselves last. So go for coffee, read a book, or lock yourself in the bathroom for 5 minutes of quiet time. It's the least you deserve. After all, you are creating memories, love and little people.

An example of the messes we deal with here

Visible vs. Invisible disabilities

The funny thing about Down Syndrome is that it is pretty self-evident. You can see it on my little guy's face. My husband and I sometimes talk about how Y's features are not so pronounced but the truth is that most people can tell right away. While this summer, people recognizing Y on the street earned us lots of brachos, that may not always be the case.
There are both advantages and disadvantages to having a visible disability. The advantage is that people may be more tolerant and patient with the child, because they see he is not "typical". There are the rare times when Y acts up in public and I have a hard time controlling him. It helps to know that people are not judging him or me, or at least I hope they aren't.
The disadvantage is that people may be too tolerant of Y's shenanigans or have very low expectations of him. Even though Y is developmentally delayed, we still expect him to learn how to behave properly. We were recently in a store and Y decided to sit down in the middle of a busy aisle. I immediately told him he had to get up, while the store clerk kept saying, "Don't worry. Let him stay there." While, it was nice of her to say that, Y knows better and this is not behavior I want to encourage. So I thanked her, but still insisted that he stand up right away.
I also do not want people to see my son and automatically assume that he can't do something because of his disablity- can't talk/play/behave/understand or otherwise. Because the truth of the matter is that very often he can and will. People often express surprise at how well Y can navigate the playground and/or children's museum by himself and we definitely like to encourage that independence.
Parents of children with autism or other so-called invisible disabilities often complain about the opposite problem. Their children often look typical and whenthey act up in public, people are not always understanding and will judge the parents for not controling their child better. They sometimes have their children wear cute shirts that say "I have autism, what's your excuse?" or something similar, so that others will be more tolerant.
I guess I want it both ways- for people not to make assumptions right away when they see Y, but also to get some leeway in the instances when he does need some extra help, patience or understanding.

In an ideal world I wouldn't care what others thought and they in turn would not judge people by their visible disabilities or other external appearances. All I really can do, though, is to try my best to help my little man learn how to act like a "mentch" and not worry so much about what others think when things don't always go according to plan.

On children and G'd

Recently I have had the opportunity to reflect on the parallel of the relationship between us and our children, versus us and G'd.
Like any parent, I want to have a good relationship with my children. I try to involve them in some decisions and explain why we have certain rules and why we do things a certain way. I also try my best to listen to them and validate their feelings. Torturing them with antibiotics and eye drops is not high on my list of of fun things to do. All this can go out the window, though, when dealing with a situation where you have to do something unpleasant to your child for their own good/health/safety.
In the last two weeks I have had the "pleasure" of strapping thrashing children into carseats, attempting to wipe a child who has a bad diaper rash and doesn't want to be touched, administering antibiotics and eye drops while someone else holds the screaming child down, cleaning infected eyes amidst cries of "stop"...and other such fun- you get the picture. This was not the first time it has happened, not will it be the last, it has just been happening a lot recently, and has really cause me to think.
Each time, the child was crying and looking at me with pleading eyes and sometimes even disappointment. "You are my mother, how can you hurt me/let someone else do this to me?" It is hard, if not impossible, to explain to a young child that these actions are ultimately for their own good, even if they seem unpleasant at the time.It is hard to see your child cry and thrash in pain, and know that you are the (indirect) cause. It is unpleasant, but you know that you are helping your child, even if they do not understand it and feel hurt.
This theme has been echoing in my head a lot, particularly because it is very much connected to Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year that begins two weeks from tonight.
Only this time we are the children and G'd is our father, a theme that is often repeated in the prayers of the High Holidays. It is a time when we are judged based on our merits and G'd decides our fates for the coming year. And the truth of the matter is, we may not like everything that is being done to us. At times, we may be like the screaming child, refusing to swallow the antibiotics, asking "Why in the world are You doing this to me, G'd? Don't you know this was supposed to be the year of health/job success/insert your wish. You are ruining things for me! This hursts." But what we need to understand is that we are not in control, that we do not know what truly is for our good. But G'd does and we need to trust that there is a plan, even if the medicine tastes quite bitter at this point in time.
This is my project for the next few weeks, my way of preparing for Rosh Hashana. To finally admit that I am not in control, even though I desperately want to be. To "Let go and let G'd" as one cute saying goes. I do not understand His plan and I never will, but I need to trust that, just as I would never want to hurt my children, so too G'd is setting everything up for my own good and whatever pain or suffering I may go through, is only His way to facilitate my growth.
Does this resonate with you at all? What do you think?

Back to Reality

After a month away, we are now back in New York. As much as it was hard to leave Israel, it is so nice to be in our own space again. The kids are thrilled too.
Speaking of children, they were amazing on an 11 hour (!) day flight. They slept a bit, watched videos, played games and were very mellow. D and I were so pleasantly surprised.
Due to jet lag, the kids were up bright and early this morning- can you say 3 30 am? We ignored them for an hour and then D got up with them at 4 30 and I got up at 5, because at that point I was awake already and couldn't fall back asleep. We have had quite a productive morning and I am almost ready for a nap.
I unpacked, did some laundry and went to CVS for some toiletries- at 5 30 am! The guy must have thought I was nuts, but they ARE open 24 hours, so why not take advantage? Next up is more laundry and stocking up on groceries. And bills to pay and phone calls to return. In other words- welcome back to the real world!

Vacation vs. Structure

Sorry for disappearing. My kids messed around with my laptop and took off a bunch of keys which made it really annoying to type. Thanks to you tube tutorials I was able to fix most of them, except for the spacebar. Suggestions, anyone?
I was really frustrated that my children are intent at breaking anything valuable that I own, but then I read Nienie's post about her kids messing up her "G" button on her computer. Not sure why it makes me feel  better to know that other children break stuff too, but it does. Shared misery, I guess.
We are now 2 months into summer vacation and have another 4 weeks to go before school starts. I am not sure whose idea it was to give children a 3 month vacation. I have found that my kids really thrive with structure. Not a totally rigid system but an idea of how their day is going to progress.
We have taught Y a little mantra that he repeats in the morning:" First dressed, then breakfast, then watch". He knows that he needs to get dressed and have breakfast, before he can watch a short video. The same thing at night too- dinner, baths, books, brush teeth, bed. These are routines we more or less try to adhere to even while on vacation. We are missing the routine for the rest of the day, though. Our day goes something like: park-lunch-hang out at home till it cools down around 3 or so- afternoon activity. But it's hard to come up with new activities every day.
My husband keeps reminding me that once school actually starts, it will be the opposite extreme. Both Y and A will be in school till 3 this year. Baby M and I will be hanging out all day, every day. Probably just as well because he is super-attached right now and freaks out every time I leave, even sometimes when my husband is home.
Right now, though, all that seems so far off. I should just focus on the present anyway. Enjoy the last few days here before I need to fly home, get settled, go through mountains of mail, deal with the Board of Education, work out other scheduling issues, etc...Reality will catch up with me soon enough; I might as well enjoy the last few days of freedom, even if we are missing some structure and routine.

Y and M enjoying the swings at
 yet another playground

Pictures, as promised

I just want to preface this by saying that I am terrible in pictures, so it should come as no surprise that my eyes are half-closed in the family picture. Because everyone else looks so good, I decided to post it anyway.

What do you think of my cute crew?

Y and A showing some love. M refused to be in the picture.

Shabbat Shalom

I am writing this post from Katamon, where we have moved for the last leg of our trip. It is a cute apartment in a nice neighborhood and the children are adjusting to their new surroundings. We are all still a bit under the weather- some with colds, the children with some stomach issues and we hope to use this low-key shabbos to rest up and feel reenergized.
My parents and brother have left, my other brother has started yeshiva again. Slowly life is returning to its routine. Even we are nearing the end of our trip. As always time has passed so fast.
I was hoping to post some portrait photos of my family that we took on this trip but as usual my laptop is not cooperating. So instead, I will wish you all a wonderful shabbos!