End of school year

Slowly, slowly summer is approaching. Actually time has been going by really fast and here were are, down to the last two days of school. Tomorrow we are celebrating Y's birthday at school even though it is two weeks from now. Then Tuesday the kids are having their class goodbye parties and that will be it for a while.
I am looking forward to the summer because we will be going to Israel in a few weeks but am also a bit wary, because it means it is time for "Camp Mom". The kids will be going to camp in Israel which means we have five weeks of unstructured time to fill until we get there. Lots of hours will be logged at various city playgrounds, the library, children's museum, etcetera.
It is also sad for me because it means my children will be leaving the preschool they have been attending for the past two/three years. Y will be in public school next year and we are moving A to a different school for logistical and social reasons.
The Chabad Early Learning Center here on the West Side has been so welcoming to us as a family, and specifically to Y these past few years. They were the only pre-school who were willing to try mainstreaming him and were always on top of thing- giving feedback, having meetings, tweaking things as necessary. They truly cared about him and continue to do so. Y will hopefully go there 2-3 afternoons a week next year to continue his Jewish education. The director has reassured me over and over, that Y is "their" child and they are committed to giving him whatever he needs. This support has meant so much to me personally and our whole family. It is always bittersweet to move on and transition but specifically because I know that this love and individual care is not something we will get in his future schools.
Chabad is having its Annual Dinner tomorrow night and we will be going, to show our appreciation and respect for this wonderful institution. Check them out at http://www.chabadwestside.org/

To plan or not to plan

Often when talking with potential clients, the topic of a Birth Plan come up. Many expectant mothers are hesitant to write out a plan because they have heard that doctors don't like them and they are worried that they will be disappointed if things do not go the way they had envisioned.
While that may or may not be true, I usually will encourage my clients to write something out for themselves. It is correct that no doctor or nurse wants to read an elaborate two-page plan, but she may want to have something to share with her partner and doula. Additionally, just the process of thinking about the different options is very valuable to the woman. She can think about and discuss how she feels about staying active in labor, specific interventions or even at what point she would like to go to the hospital/birthing center.
It is true that things do not ever really go according to "plan" in labor and a woman should definitely keep this in mind when thinking about her birth preferences and be flexible. But the attitude of "I do not want to think about it because what if things happen differently" is a bit misguided. If you do not know how you would like your childbirth to be, how can you prepare yourself to ensure that these things actually happen? If you want a low intervention birth, what are you doing to make this a reality? Have you discussed your wishes with your care provider Have you thought about alternative comfort measures? These are all questions that can be addressed by making a plan.
Additionally, I will often recommend that my clients make a list of their top 3-5 priorities and that they discuss these specific things with their care provider. Like this, their list is not overwhelming but it still covers the most important things. A short list like that is also something you can bring to the hospital and a nurse will be able to read it quickly and work with you.
In short: It is good to have a plan and be thought out. You do not have to write it all down but you should definitely take the time to think about your wishes. Share your top 3-5 concerns with your care provider and most importantly, be flexible and open to the journey that lies ahead!

Advertising

I have been working on printing new business cards and larger postcards that I can distribute in my neighborhoods and others as well. I figure it may get my name out more and hopefully generate more business. The cards finally arrived today and they look great.
Unfortunately blogger is not letting me upload the pdf image so I can't show you!! I will keep working on it though. In the meantime, feel free to refer friends or anyone else you know who needs a doula!

Edited to add- Since I cant seem to post the file, I am posting a picture of the postcard. They look better IRL but just to get a sense

The back of the card has my bio:
Ruchi (Rachel) Cohen is a mother of three who has had an avid interest in
the wonder of childbirth since the birth of her oldest in 2005. The
subsequent VBAC of her daughter in 2006 inspired her to help other
women with their birthing experiences. Ruchi received her doula
certification through DONA International in June 2009. Having spent
significant time in both Austria and Israel, she is fluent in English, German
and Hebrew.
Ruchi believes that women should feel secure, comfortable and in control
throughout the birth process. There are many components to a woman's
birthing experience, whether it's physical, emotional or spiritual, and
Ruchi works with the laboring woman and her partner to address them all.
She strives to create a nurturing environment through her warmth,
personal touch and calming presence.
In 2010, Ruchi added childbirth education to the range of services she
provides, to better help women prepare for the wondrous moment of
meeting their babies for the first time. Ruchi lives in Manhattan with her
husband and three children and blogs about life as a mom and doula at
http://www.frumdoula.blogspot.com/

What do you think?

Still processing

We came home late this afternoon after a very long car ride due to construction, getting lost and crazy rain. I am glad to be back in our own space and the kids are too. We had a wonderful weekend at the Hudson Valley Resort with Yachad- the National Jewish Council on Disabilities. We met many wonderful families and professionals. The kids had a blast in daycamp while my husband and I attended many (too many? It did get a bit intense) great sessions. Some were more informational, others more personal where we had a chance to express our feelings and challenges.
In one of the sessions I had a chance to share something I had been struggling with for a while now and it was incredibly validating to have others understand that challenge and speak of their own similar experiences. There weren't necessarily any solutions, but some food for thought.
I met some wonderful young adults with Down Syndrome and it was encouraging to see how well they are doing and how accomplished they are.
I was hoping my daughter A. would meet some other siblings of children with special needs and notice the diversity of disabilities but the beauty of kids is that they often do not see differences. What she saw was lots of children with their families, spending shabbos together.
All in all, there were a lot of different experiences involved, and like the title of my blog says, I am still trying to process it all, to summarize the things I have learned, thoughts I had and emotions I felt. I can definitely say, though, that these experiences will stay with with me for a long time.

Off for the weekend

I am very excited because we are going away for the weekend. Being that my husband is a congregational Rabbi this doesn't usually happen. Most weeks we are working on Shabbos, him giving sermons and speeches, me hosting guests. This week we go to the Yachad Family Shabbaton- a weekend for Jewish families of kids with special needs. Lots of workshops, networking opportunities, and best of all- I don't need to cook or clean up!! All I have to do now is get away from the computer and start packing...packing for 5 people for one weekend should not be so difficult but there are always the last minute things we need.
Have a great shabbos!!

Unexpected Feedback

Today while I was walking in the neighborhood with the kids I ran into a former client and her baby who is already five months old. Time flies. We didn't really have time to chat for so long but I introduced her to my kids and she told them, "Your mom is awesome. She helped me a lot."
It was really nice to get some positive feedback. This woman had a really great birth and I was glad that I had been a part of it, and even happier that she felt the same way. A little bit of positive reinforcement is always nice.
The kids don't really know what I do as a doula. They know I disappear every now and then but that's about it. Recently I have been telling A that I am going to help somebody have their baby and she keeps asking how I helped them, what exactly I did. I could see the wheels in her head turning, trying to figure out how I was connected to this woman and her baby. I think I will wait till she is a bit older to fully explain the logistics.

PS 199

PS 199- that is where Y will most probably be going to kindergarten next year. After 10 months of researching and visiting many many schools, this is the placement the Board of Ed has assigned us. It is a school with a great reputation. We were impressed with the class we saw on our visit today, but then the teacher told us she may not be teaching this class next year!
There is a different school right up the block from us that we really wanted Y to attend but I don't think we will push for it because this seems good.
Still this will take some getting used to. As an Orthodox Jew who has gone to Jewish dayschools/yeshivas her whole life, I never thought I would step foot into a Public School. This is not an elitist thing, just a comfort level of my child being immersed in a school that teaches the culture and values of Judaism: the Hebrew alphabet, the Jewish holidays, just the way of being. It is about being immersed in a Jewish environment.
But yet again, the reality of special needs will dictate where Y goes to school and I, I will just need to adjust my expectations and attitude. Let go the dream of my child being included in a yeshiva and work with what I have.