When Mommy is sick...

I picked a good week to get sick...NOT. With pessach cleaning and flying solo, my sore throat, eye infection and congested nose could have found a better time. But the truth is, there is never a good time to be sick.
I don't even realize how lucky I am to be functioning normally, until suddenly I don't. It throws off my schedule, my ability to be patient and any interest in cleaning up the mess my kids make at an alarming speed. Somehow, though, the show must go on. My kids are being fed clothed and sent off to school. I am making meals, doing errands and the never-ending laundry. AND I am making my way through the kid's room. Throwing out art projects (don't tell them) and stray pieces of toys. Then I clean and organize what is left. How's that for superwoman? Well, not really, considering that I have been napping while Meir sleeps in the morning so I have energy for the rest of the day...and my pessach activities.
My friend and I often joke how men retreat to bed when they are sick but women usually do not get a day off. I am not really that ill so definitely no need to crawl into bed for a whole day although the thought sounds nice....But I am also not feeling quite like myself, so I am trying to be kind to myself and not to expect too much. Hence the  short nap in the morning and the hour and a half of Caillou and Sesame street my kids watched this afternoon :) And I am meeting my friend for dinner tonight, and best of all we are going to a dairy place...I am never too sick for chocolate.

Solo Parenting

This week I am holding down the fort on my own again. My husband is in Israel for work until Friday.  This has become a yearly trip that I am used to already and know to expect. But being alone always evokes all kinds of feelings for me, not all of them positive. I have posted about them in the past.It's not that I feel like I cannot take care of the kids on my own, because I do so for most of the week anyway. I do appreciate my husband's help when he is around but I don't rely on it, so being a one-woman show doesn't usually throw me that much (unless there are 2 feet of snow on the ground but that is a different story!) The difficulty is  mostly about feeling isolated and disconnected. Hanging out with my kids all day is fun and chaotic but it doesn't fulfill my need for interaction with adults. In general, I try to be extra kind to myself at these times- ordering take-out for dinner one night or taking a babysitter for a morning or an evening, so I can have some space, do errands or meet friends.Sunday is really the hardest day and now that I have successfully navigated today, I am hoping the rest of the week will be smooth as well. Being that G'd has a good sense of humor, though, I should not be too confident.A is finally going back to school tomorrow and I am planning on doing lots of cleaning this week. I am hoping to tackle the kids' bedroom/playroom and am a little frightened of what I may find...this is a room that needs some serious Pessach-work so I have a allotted myself a whole week to deal with it. I read an interesting (yet obvious) idea this week in Mishpacha magazine about common misconceptions about Pessach. The author wrote that many women feel that cleaning properly is impossible. They think it is overwhelming, that they cannot rise to the challenge and they will surely make mistakes. The author reminds us that G'd gave Pessach to human beings. He knows we are not perfect. We all try to do the best we can and even if we do mess up, there are competent rabbis who can help us rectify the situation. Something to think about when I find whole pieces of bagels and other goodies hidden amongst my children's toys.How is it going with your Pessach cleaning? Any inspiring thoughts?



Good Shabbos

Just a quick note to say good shabbos. Things have been busy around here recovering from Purim, starting my Pessach cleaning, celebrating my anniversary and having A home from school for the whole week.
She was off for Shushan Purim. Not sure why. Then Tuesday at 12 her teacher called to say that she has fever. She has had fever since then, having certain bursts of energy when she feels better and then other times when she collapses on the couch in a heap. I feel bad because she is unhappy to be home, bored at times and others she just feels miserable. I have been trying to stay patient and happy and be a nurturing Mommy but at times it gets hard. Today we finally went to the doctor. He told us it's a virus and she has pink-eye. Going to school for shabbos-party was out of the question so I compensated by having some girl-time with her. We went shopping for a yomtov dress and I took her to get her nails done. Now she is knocked out on the couch again as I am trying to get the last-minute things ready for shabbos. Not sure if blogging qualifies as shabbos prep...post for another time.
I am thinking about Israel of course, and the horrible bus bombing this week. I just read Chana Jenny Weisberg's blog that brings home how personal and real the threat is. Her daughter is on that exact bus every other Wednesday on the way home from school. This happened to be the Wednesday she stayed late at school. Others were not as lucky. Wishing everyone a wonderful and peaceful shabbos and may Hashem keep all our brothers and sisters safe.

Call vs Don't Call

This past Sunday, with all the Purim craziness going on, I still managed to read an interesting article in the NY Times whose headline caught my eye.In  Don't Call Me, I Won't Call You, the writer posits that telephones are slowly becoming obsolete.
While everyone has a cell phone, they are mostly used for texting and emails. Nowadays we make plans, catch up and communicate via facebook, twitter or email, but rarely over the phone. People interviewed in  the article claim that phones are obtrusive, a person calls and expects to be responded to right away, whether or not you are busy. Email, on the other hand, can be answered at your leisure.
I will definitely agree that often, a quick email can be a lot more efficient than playing phone tag with someone or finding a time that works for everyone. But that is only true for business issues or other areas that require lots of planning and hammering out details.
If you really want to have a relationship with someone, you need to speak. Ideally, face to face, but if not then definitely over the phone.
 Living far away from family, the phone is a great way to keep up with my them.  I speak to some of them on a weekly basis, while others sometimes forget to call for months on end (um...you know who you are), but the bottom line is that in order to maintain a relationship, you need to talk!
One of my closest friends lives an hour drive away. Sometimes it feels like she might as well be living in a different country because we never see each other. We do make a point of checking in with each other by phone almost daily, to have serious talks or just vent about our childrens' newest shenanigans. It's our way of connecting and sharing.
Most importantly, though, I use the phone to speak with my husband. When we first met, we lived in different countries, actually on different continents. We dated long distance and tried to see each other as often as possible, but the phone was really what kept our relationship going. This was in the pre-historic days before skype, when you actually still had to buy phone cards and punch in access codes. We spoke for hours on end, minimally for two hours every other day. We also set some records, like the night we spent over five hours speaking. Do not ask me, what we discussed for so long, but it was just one of the many conversations that brought us closer.
Now that we have been married for seven years (Happy Anniversary to us by the way) and live in the same house, communication is obviously a lot easier :) But I still like to speak on the phone at least once, because he is often out for a large part of the day and especially when he is traveling. A quick "Hello/ I am thinking about you/ how was your day so far?" What some psychologists like to call "mindfulness".
That is really what speaking to someone on the phone is about on some level. I am thinking about you and wondering how you are, so I pick up the phone to reach out and connect with you. And last I checked, genuine connection is not becoming obsolete, hopefully not for a long time.

Purim 5771

Some highlights of our day:
-Y looked great in his Chassid-costume. He also broke our Ipod-Speakers with his over-enthusiasm for the Maccabeats' Purim song
-A was a bride and got lots of compliments on her dress. The only issue was that she refused to be photographed. Not sure what that was about. Her best comment of the day came at 8pm when I was finally trying to get everyone to sleep. After a whole day of nosh, junk and candy, she asked "Mom, can I have dessert now?"
-M refused to wear a costume. So he went as himself...a very cute version of himself I might add. Ironically, one of our guests' children somehow got him to put on his Elmo-costume around 7 30 when they day was over...I did snap some pictures though. Cause we all know that if we did not take pictures and post them on facebook, the event did not really occur :)
Now I am just unwinding from a busy day and resting so I can be ready to get started on Pessach bright and early tomorrow morning!

Purim is coming

Whether I am ready or not, Purim is coming and it's coming soon! Thankfully, I feel pretty prepared. Most of my seuda has been cooked. I tried some new recipes which is always a risk when entertaining. I hope the food tastes as good as it smells and looks. I also spent a whole day making over 100 hamentashen because I doubled an already large recipe. It felt like the dough was never-ending.
All the ingredients for the rest of the food are in the house. Tomorrow I need to run some last minute errands, finish and label my mishloach manos and prepare for shabbos. The kids' costumes are hanging in the closet. I am sure I forgot something..
The only thing that has not gotten done is the pessach cleaning I had scheduled to start this week. I guess that was a little overambitious. To those who commented and asked for my spreadsheet- I realized after the fact that for Pessach, I dont have a spreadsheet, I actually have a whole notebook, containing recipes, shopping lists, cleaning lists, schedules from past years of how I structured my prep, lists of where my pessach boxes are and what is in them, etc. I am not sure if I will have time to type all of it up, but if I do, I will share it as a google document.
The kids are very excited about Purim. Y asks me every day if today is Purim yet. I went to his school on Wednesday to do a little presentation on Purim. We read a book, did some coloring and had Hamantashen.
A is super excited about going to school all dressed up tomorrow. Last week she did facepaint at school and then facepaint at a Purim event on Sunday (you can see it in the picture of the previous post) and absolutely LOVED it. I let her keep it on for one night so she could show her friends at school but then made her wash it off because I figured it is not great for her skin.
Aside from the physical prep for Purim, I would like to do some spiritual preparation as well. I listen to Rebbetzen Yemima Mizrachi every week. This weel she spoke about how Purim is a tremendous zman tfilla. It starts on Taanis Esther but also motzei shabbos and then on Purim itself, most importantly during the seuda. I would like to find some time to daven and focus on that part. I know that I will not FIND the time, I will have to MAKE the time if I want it to happen, set aside a specific time for myself. That is my goal along with remaining beSIMCHA even with all the business, stress, noise and mess. 
What are your plans- physical and spiritual for Purim?

Aftermath

I am finding it hard to post my general updates/complaints/stories in light of the events in Israel. This is by no means a political blog but I find myself thinking about the Fogels and their family many, many times a day.
I think about that sweet little baby, about the trauma and loss to the surviving children, that the family will be getting up from shiva right before Purim. What kind of Purim will it be for them I wonder.
I am also heartened by the outpouring of support and prayers. I have gotten so many emails and facebook invitations- to donate money, to do an extra mitzvah in the Fogel's merit, to add light to the darkness, like we Jews always do.
Because that is the truth. As a nation we are unbelievably strong and united and somehow we find a way to get up again and carry on. I wanted to share something I got in an email today. The author of this article was at the funeral on Sunday and was sharing his or her thoughts. I do not know who wrote this but am hoping he or she would want their words circulated widely.

I went to a funeral today.


I have been at many funerals before.

Some funerals for people who lived long lives.

Some for people that died too young from sickness.

Some even for soldiers that died serving their country.

All of these people I knew

The funeral I went to today was different.

Today I went to the funeral of people that I had never met or even heard of.

Today I went to a funeral that was really five funerals.

Today I went to a funeral of an infant, her young brothers and their

parents.

I had not been at such a funeral for years.

It brought back memories of other funerals I had been at before- the Chatuel

family funeral, the Shabu family funeral, the Gavish family funeral and many

other funerals of people and families that I didn't know.

In my 32 years I think I have been at over 200 funerals. This surpasses the

number of weddings, brits and bar\bat mitzvahs I have been at.

Have you ever been at a funeral of someone you had never met or heard of? Is

it normal to be at a funeral of five members of the same family? Or at a

funeral of a baby that had her throat slit?

If you are Jewish and live in Israel chances are that you probably have been

at such a funeral.

......

I went to a funeral today.

A funeral I wouldn't wish on my worst enemies. Not even on the enemies that

perpetuated this monstrosity. That is the difference between us and them.

This difference is why we can not win by force even though we are much

stronger.

I wish the Fogel family had remained unknown to me.

I wish that they were still alive and their funerals would be in the very

distant future.

I don't want to attend any more funerals.
 
 
In the spirit of adding light and simcha to the darkness, I also wanted to share a picture of my beautiful children, getting excited for Purim
 

May we only share good news!