Redefining busy

 When I was newly married and in school, trying to make dinner and master household chores while studying and taking tests I felt busy. When I had an infant with special needs and was balancing therapy sessions and household, I thought my hands were full (by the way, I hate that expression but that's for another post). When I had two kids 15 months apart and moved halfway across the world to become the Rabbi's wife, I had a lot going on. Just when things were getting into a routine, along came baby number , beginning the period of time called "3 kids under 4 in diapers" which was pretty intense 

Then little AY was born. Then I went back to school, taking just one course. This semester I am taking two courses with labs. In September, I hope to start nursing school full-time. Can you say "busy"? 

There are still only 24 hours in a day. I still attempt to get about 7 hours of sleep a night. Yet somehow it all (or most of it) gets done. This is not about bragging about how amazing I am...quite the opposite. This is about the realization about how much we can actually accomplish. Just when we think our days are full, something else gets added to our schedule or responsibilities and we manage to squeeze it in. Then we do it again.

Of course there is always a limit. Eventually something has to give. There needs to be downtime- to eat, relax, recharge, whatever. But it is still pretty cool how much we actually CAN do, even when we think we can't. So give yourself a pat on the back- we are all supermoms :)

On the topic of taking some time for  yourself, read this

To read more about what an amish birth center can tell us about lowering the C-section rate, check this out. 

And this is the final word on being busy and what moms really do all day:

Closed for Studying

I am busy memorizing muscles for Wednesday and then have a final on Thursday, so I will not be updating.
Here are some links about feminism/ women working/opting out to keep you busy.

1% wives are helping kill feminism

Why women can't have it all

Are Stay at Home Moms Really Killing Feminism

The Case against Opting Out

As you can see  this topic is of interest to me. So many thoughts, so little time...maybe on Thursday when I am (finally) done!

School update

First of all, a big Mazel Tov to my sister who had a little baby girl last week. Can't wait to see pics (hint, hint)
Today was the last day of class for me. I have my final next week and then I am free...until the following week when I start summer school.
When I originally considered taking classes, I had falsely assumed that I can take the courses in the morning, when the older ones are at school, thereby minimizing stress for everyone. Unfortunately, the college I am attending is very small, so there are only limited choices for the classes I need to take. It seems that most science classes are given in the afternoons.
Which is why, for the month of June, I will be taking Anatomy and Physiology I from 2 30 to 6, Monday through Thursday. I was not thrilled when I found out about the timing but I need this course and the times in the fall were just as bad.
I will admit to having some anxiety as to how this is going to work. From 4 to 6 is the busiest time at home- homework, dinner and baths. But I am telling myself that it is only for a month so how bad could it be? And I am assuaging my mommy guilt with the thought that the kids will be seeing much less of me in June, but we will be hanging out all day every day in July and August.
It really is a bit of a paradigm shift to not be around for all the important things. It does make me feel slightly guilty and sad. But I guess this is good practice for when I will be in school full time in about a year and a half, assuming I manage to finish my pre-requisites and get accepted into a program.
And I will try to focus on all the time I do get to spend with them, like today when I went on a class trip with A. and then picked Y up from school later. It's the little things.

Attachment

I am finding my Developmental Psychology course very interesting and it is often a springboard for me to have interesting conversations with friends and family, or even just to contemplate things on my own.
Today we discussed infant attachment. Attachment is defined as the emotional connection/bond that exists between a baby and its caregivers. It gives the baby a sense of security and trust to know she will be taken care of and to be connected to a specific person. Attachment is created through taking care of the baby's physical needs but almost more importantly, his emotional needs. Babies with secure attachments are shown to be more successful and have better relationships later in life.
What exactly creates a secure attachment? According to my professor it is being responsive to your baby and his or her needs. This sounded very much connected to the concept of Attachment Parenting. So I checked Wikipedia and lo and behold:
Attachment parenting, a phrase coined by pediatrician William Sears,^[1] is a parenting philosophy based on the principles of the attachment theory in developmental psychology. According to attachment theory, the child forms a strong emotional bond with caregivers during childhood with lifelong consequences. Sensitive and emotionally available parenting helps the child to form a secure attachment style which fosters a child's socio-emotional development and well being..... Principles of attachment parenting aim to increase development of child's secure attachment and decrease insecure attachment.


The rest of the wikipedia entry is interesting as well, because it discusses the different studies that I learned about in class and how the are connected to Attachment Parenting (AP). Attachment Parenting has a few principles, which are sometimes knows as The 7 B's of Attachment Parenting, among them breastfeeding, babywearing, bedding (ie sleeping) close to your baby and balance. Dr. Sears is also a big proponent of positive discipline, a post for another time.
There is no one rigid set of rules, rather what is important is to be close to your baby and to be responsive to him or her. Dr. Sears claims that the more responsive you are to your baby's cried and cues, the better you will become at understanding her needs and decoding her cries.  Being responsive will also help your baby feel secure and loved and create a secure attachment.
This theory has always appealed to me and I try to use some of these principles in my parenting. I breastfeed exclusively for the first six months and feed on demand, I sleep with my babies next to me and generally do not like to let my babies cry. But I also know myself so I make sure to take breaks, make date nights with my husband and try to find outlets for myself that do not involve my kids whether it is knitting or yoga (which I have not been to in ages). Being an attached parent does not mean you have to be physically attached to your child 24/7.
People often criticize AP for being too focused on the child and that the parent loses himself in the quest to satisfy baby. What people may not realize though is that part of AP is also the concept of balance, meaning a parent needs to take their own needs into account too, not just the baby's needs. The baby's needs are often more immediate but being responsive to your children should not come at the expense of your sanity or your spouse. Everyone needs to find what works for them but should not lose sight of the goal- a happy, secure baby but also a happy, thriving mother, marriage and family unit.
Interestingly enough, MamaBirth discusses this very topic in her blog today and offers the same conclusion- we all need to balance our own needs with the needs of our family and need to make sure that we as individuals do not suffer. That does not mean that we can expect a 2 month old to sleep 10 hours straight, but it does mean that we can try to inject a little bit of routine into our days.
Ultimately, no matter what we call it, we are all trying to do what is good for our children. For more info on Attachment Parenting you can check Dr. Sears's website.

The Links Edition

Some interesting reads and food for thought

Parents sue for wrongful birth of child with Down Syndrome- this is a pretty disturbing article about the ethical implications of suing for wrongful birth. Basically, it's saying that you wish your child was never born. One family apparently did this recently and were awarded 3 million dollars. To which my not very eloquent comment is "Ugh!!:
By the way, World Down Syndrome Day is on March 21 (get it- 3 copies of the 21st chromosomes), and they are having a conference at the UN on issues pertaining to DS. You can find out more info here.

The Housewife- Mama Birth grapples with what it means to be a housewife and "only" a mom and the love- hate relationship she has with this occupation.

Lastly, just because, a picture of AY trying to stuff a toy into his mouth

Video-Free Week

While last week was the no-pacifier week in our home (still going strong thank  goodness), somehow this week has become video-free week. I have posted about the kids and their video-watching habit before. We don't own a TV, but let the kids watch on a small DVD player, of which we have had numerous, because they kept on breaking them.

I was becoming increasingly frustrated by this DVD-habit because of 2 things. Mainly, it bothered me that my kids had become addicted to the video. They were constantly requesting videos and while I did not always give in to their demands, I still felt that they were watching too much and that it had become an obsession.

Secondly, I was unhappy with the way they treated the DVDs. They manhandled them, scratched them and threw them under the couch. I have paid numerous fines at the library (our main source of new DVDs because I don't want to buy them) for broken or lost DVDs. Not to mention the fact that they had actually broken the DVD players several times. I wanted them to learn some sort of responsibility, age-appropriate obviously. Meaning if you lose or break the videos or players, you will not get any more.

So Monday morning, when they woke up and right away asked to watch a video (which we never do anyway because Y needs to be downstairs for the bus by 7 40 and there is no time!), I decided something needed to be done. Taking my cue from The Berenstein Bears and Too Much TV, I declared "Vide-Free Week" and told them there would be no videos for a whole week. I don't really think that Y. or M. really understand that concept, that they cannot watch for a full week. They just understand that, right now, at this moment, Mommy is saying no.So far we have gone four days without videos. The kids have asked for it and complained, but I think they are getting used to it. While they have said that they are "bored," they are also finding other ways to amuse themselves and stay busy. And of course we are still at the park almost every day.

 I am not really sure what I am going to do when the week is up. I think I will let them watch again but try to set up clearer rules and stick to 30 minutes a day max, if not every other day. It was also good to see that not only could the kids manage the break from videos, but that I could too. I was relying on the DVD player as a quasi-babysitter way too much, mostly to get things done around the house (laundry, cooking, etc) but also just to have a break. I think that is okay sometimes, but I do not want to become too dependent on it either.

If anything, I hope this week helps both the children and me find a better balance and see that there are other ways for the kids to be entertained and for me to have a few minutes to myself. What are the TV/Video rules in your home? 

Mommy needs a Time-Out

I really do love my kids but lately they have been driving me a little crazy. M is still in his "I do it" phase although it doesn't really seem to be a phase...just our new never ending reality: I want to walk, I want to open the door, I want to cut my own food with a knife, etc. A is trying on a new persona of being defiant ie doing the exact opposite of every thing I ask her to. Y still has not figured out personal property and keeps grabbing other people's bycicles, strollers, trikes and food at the park. He is also still obsessed with chasing pigeons.
When you put the three of them together, they come up with all kinds of crazy mischief like getting in the bathtub after they are already in pjamas and getting wet all over again, spreading pieces if schnitzel all over my bed, trying to make kiddush by themselves and spilling a full bottle of grape juice...
I'm not just complaining, I'm trying to say that, sooner or later my patience quota for the day is full.
Last night, after a long day of running after them, I was attempting to put them to bed and was being completely disregarded and ignored. It was only 7 15 and I felt like I was going to either scream or cry. Neither was a particularly good option. So I decided to take a step back. I informed my husband that I was officially done and went into our bedroom and locked the door. I spent the next hour just reading blogs and vegging at the computer, finding the bedtime struggles my husband was now engaged in slightly amusing from the distance of a locked door.
Eventually they settled down and eventually I too calmed down and came back out of my room. I was lucky that my husband was home, because otherwise I would not have had the luxury of just checking out. But even if you can't totally walk away, just taking 5 minutes to your self can make a big difference and help you calm down. Sometimes evene Mommys need time-outs.
And scheduling real down time is super important too. That is why I am going to try and squeeze some yoga into my week somehow, even with all my other appointments, meetings and general craziness.
What do you do to relax/get away a bit?

Parenting- a full time job

In the past 10 days, Y has been sent home from school three times. Once because he was coughing, one time he had fever and this morning because he threw up. Mommy and the school are not happy campers. Amazingly, every time he has come home, he announces that  he is "better" and goes right back to acting totally normal and healthy. There has also been a lot of crying at school and asking for Mommy and to go home, which leads me to believe he is a pretty smart cookie and know what to do in order to get picked up. So I am trying to get to the bottom of this, figuring out if he has allergies or if something is going on at school that is upsetting him. Or both.
Meanwhile, we have some stuff going on with A as well. Nothing major, but enough to keep me busy figuring out plans for next year, the summer, the rest of this year and some reshuffling that needs to get done.
And of course theres M. who hopefully asks every day if maybe today we can "go to park please"- but the weather is not really cooperating. So he is bored, And wants to play and color and drink an endless supply of chocolate milk.
All of which just makes me think that mothering or parenting or whatever you want to call it is a full-time job. Sometimes when you're in "maintenance-mode" you may think that it's not so time consuming but then something out of the ordinary happens and all of a sudden you're juggling more balls. I am seeing more and more how much time, conscious effort, mindfulness, love and attention children really need as they grow. It is a constant effort to remain present and really be there for all the big and little stuff, to be aware of things that need tweaking and things that are amiss.
I know they are plenty of women who do have full time jobs and they have my utmost respect. For me, right now though, trying to do a good-enough job with the care of my kids and trying to build up my doula practice on the side, is about as much as will fit into my life.

Mother's Day

Today's special day has everyone on the street wishing me a Happy Mother's Day. Everyone is united in their appreciation for the women in their lives and random women on the street who they do not even know...for a day at least.
Alas, I did not spend Mother's Day sipping tropical drinks on a beach or being pampered in a spa. Instead I spent it doing what I do most days- mothering. This included taking all three kids to  a busy, chaotic shoe store to buy sandals for the spring/summer season, taking a subway and then train out to Long Island (that one I would not attempt alone though- my husband was there so we could divide and conquer) and going out to a playground and dealing with a very nasty accident and a lack of change of clothing. After a few hours of letting them run around at my in-laws, we had to then take three overtired children back home via the same route- train and then subway. Arriving home exhausted at 7:15, I then wrestled everyone into baths and then pajamas. We had a quick snack and then I had to convince them that it is way past their bedtime. When they finally agreed to get into bed, they were out within 30 seconds.
In other words, just another busy day.
But then again, I am grateful that everyone is healthy and well enough to make me crazy. M got his stitches out on Friday and thankfully it looks like it is healing nicely. Everyone else is okay too plus or minus some pink eye and a cough but whos counting? So just another crazy day...and hopefully many more like it.

It's 10 30- are you thinking about going to bed?

A friend and I often talk about how parenting can be difficult and in theory we should be providing ourselves with the best tools that will enable us to be the best mommys we can be. This includes foremost getting enough sleep and eating healthy. In practice that is not always the case and so in some way we are sabotaging ourselves.
Getting enough sleep is tricky. Even when our children are not waking us up in the middle of the night (to nurse, have water or just because) or waking up ridiculously early, we ourselves are guilty of not making sleep a priority. While going to bed early means different things to different people, for me 11 pm is really an ideal time.
Often what gets in the way is that at night it is finally quiet. And we can do all kinds of things in this quiet time- clean up, prepare for the coming day, make lists, spend time with our husbands, or even (gasp) take time for ourselves: to blog, read books, knit...the list goes on an on. It is so appealing to take that time for ourselves, but not as appealing when we have to get up the next morning .
Like I wrote, it is now 10 30 and I am thinking about all the things I need to still do before going to bed.
I am wondering if 11 pm is a realistic goal. But I am also thinking about my alarm that will be going off tomorrow morning and about Y's bus that will be showing up at 7 40, whether I am ready or not. And how annoying it is to have to take him to school if we miss the bus. And how cranky and impatient I get when I am tried.
So, I am going to take my own advice now and will get ready to go to bed...so I can be a better Mommy tomorrow. A Mom who is patient, present with her kids and has it together, mostly anyway.

Teaching kids to value things

Once again I am blogging an hour and a half before shabbos, but we are all showered and dressed so I snagged a few minutes.
Almost a year ago, I was standing at a busstop, when my phone beeped. Like a good pavlovian dog, I of course started rummaging through my bag to find it. While picking it up, it slipped out of my hand and fell to the ground. I picked it up and, thankfully, it was still working. There was an older man in dissheveled clothing at the busstop who had seen this all happen. He gave me a stern look and warned me to be careful with my phone. I said it was fine and that it was just an accident. He then said, "If you knew you could not replace it, you would be much more careful with it." Meaning if you really valued your phone and did not have the money to pay for a new one, you would not be so careless. This harmless incident has stuck with me for a long time. I mean, who takes advice from random, possibly crazy strangers standing at New York City busstops, but something about this resonated with me.
I find myself thinking about this idea a lot recently, when dealing with my kids. I am always toeing the line between letting them roam free because kids are kids and cannot walk on eggshells and the feeling that I need to teach them that some things are off limits.
While I do hope my children are not excessively wild, we do deal a lot with ripped books, colored on walls and sofas, scratched CDs and most of all, broken DVD-players.
We do not have a TV in our home but we do allow our children to watch videos on a portable DVD player (full disclosure- they are watching right now so I can type in peace).
Most of the time whent they are watching, I am nor supervising them so closely. I am usually making dinner, on the phone or doing something else. And often I return to find that some damage has been done to the player or the DVDs. They are rough with it and pull off the cover, they drop it, they touch the inner parts that are not meant to be touched...and so the players break. And I tell them I will not replace it because they broke it and need to learn consequences, but then I always do. By now, I have gotten smart and I buy a warantee with the players. When it inevitably breaks, I go back to the store and get a new one for free, paying 15 dollars for the new warantee.
But I worry that my children are not learning that things have value. That money doesn't grow on trees and that not everything is replaceable. I can tell them over and over not to rip a book because then it will be ruined but usually it does not stop them. My pleas to color only on paper are only sometimes successful. Y has a "mural" by his bed now that is his dedicated place for coloring..which has not stopped him from drawing on his legs with markers twice this week.
So I am torn between being an overly permissive mommy who lets her "kids be kids" and being a police woman, constantly saying "no" and confiscating all the markers and crayons in the house. As usual, the answer lies somewhere in the middle, in finding the magic balance. Until I do, I will continue to ponder how to teach my kids that things do not just magically replace themselves. Suggestions welcome.
Have a wonderful shabbos!

When Mommy is sick...

I picked a good week to get sick...NOT. With pessach cleaning and flying solo, my sore throat, eye infection and congested nose could have found a better time. But the truth is, there is never a good time to be sick.
I don't even realize how lucky I am to be functioning normally, until suddenly I don't. It throws off my schedule, my ability to be patient and any interest in cleaning up the mess my kids make at an alarming speed. Somehow, though, the show must go on. My kids are being fed clothed and sent off to school. I am making meals, doing errands and the never-ending laundry. AND I am making my way through the kid's room. Throwing out art projects (don't tell them) and stray pieces of toys. Then I clean and organize what is left. How's that for superwoman? Well, not really, considering that I have been napping while Meir sleeps in the morning so I have energy for the rest of the day...and my pessach activities.
My friend and I often joke how men retreat to bed when they are sick but women usually do not get a day off. I am not really that ill so definitely no need to crawl into bed for a whole day although the thought sounds nice....But I am also not feeling quite like myself, so I am trying to be kind to myself and not to expect too much. Hence the  short nap in the morning and the hour and a half of Caillou and Sesame street my kids watched this afternoon :) And I am meeting my friend for dinner tonight, and best of all we are going to a dairy place...I am never too sick for chocolate.

Update

My finger seems to be healing nicely. I barely feel any pain, as long as my kids don't decide to grab the band-aid and squeeze really hard.
 Today was a beautiful, mild day so we actually took the kids down to Hippo Park, our favorite playground. In the summertime, we kind of move in to the park, but we had not spent a lot of time there over the last few cold months. But the sun was shining, the snow had melted and the kids had a lot of fun. Then we went to get ice-cream, so I am assuming a child's afternoon cannot get much better than that.
Y really wants to go back to school. I think he is kind of done/bored with staying home, relaxing and Uncle Moishy. I take it as a good sign that he is excited to see his teachers and friends again. Unfortunately, we had a really hard time getting him to go to bed tonight and I hope he will not be too tired tomorrow morning.
I am not sure if it is because she is a girl or because our personalities are so similar but A has a way of pushing my buttons, in a way the boys don't. She is extremetly stubborn and is having a hard time with the reality that as parents we make rules and choices for her that are for her benefit, even if she does not see it that way. And if she cannot follow those rules there are consequences she may not like. For example- walking along the rim of the bathtub naked is probably not a good idea if you do not want to break your neck. Multiple tears, "I hate you's" and screams later, she did manage to calm herself down, get into pjs and we were able to reconcile and say good night on good terms. The whole thing is just so draining...and mommy-guilt inducing. Ultimately though, I do believe, my kids will be better off because we set limits for them and taught them that there are consequences to their actions and choices.
What is your take on limit setting?

Death

This is not a particularly light-hearted topic but it has been on my mind a lot. Over the past two weeks, my husband and I have heard of altogether of five cancer-related deaths, all of people who were relatively young. Some I knew well, others I knew more by association.
The one that hit closest to home was that of my dear friend Jenny. She passed away last week at the age of 27, a young mother of three who suffered a brain hemorrage and cardiac arrest in response to an untreated brain tumor. Jenny was my room mate my second year at Michlala in Israel. I will remember her as someone with a constant smile on her face and a nice word for everyone. She was always happy to see you and would give you the shirt of her back if you needed it.
This post is not really about why bad things happen to good people. It is more about what we, the ones who are left behind and deeply affected by these losses, can learn from this. I have been discussing this with my husband a lot, how all the petty annoyances and grievances of life, become less important in the face of these tragedies. It helps you focus on what is really important and what is not.
I wonder, though, how long that lasts. A day, a few days, a week or two tops? And then it is back to regular life, grumbling about spilled grape juice or red markers on the couch cushions or toddlers who love to empty bookshelves.
I realized it has to be deeper than that. It made me reconsider my life goals. We always think we have endless time, but what would you do, if you realized your time was limited? Would you want to change things? I have thought about this a lot and have come to the conclusion that I would want to be doing what I am doing now, only better. I would want to be a better, more patient and loving mother and wife. I would want to continue working on myself to become a happier version of myself.
I considered my long term plans of maybe going back to school at some point when the kids are older or having a more consistent, 9-5 job. Would I want to do that now rather than putting it off to an unknown future? Surprisingly, the answer was "no". I truly believe that it is best for my kids to have me home and available to them as much as possible. That is where I am meant to be now, no matter what the future hold. At the end of 120 yrs iyh, noone will say- "she was the best graduate student".
This may strike you all as extremely morbid. And maybe it is. But I think that it is also inspiring and energizing. Coming face to face with your own mortality and making the decision to therefor live your best life right now (I think I stole that line from Oprah).
We need to find meaning in all our life experiences, rather than just getting through them and moving on unchanged. May the memory of Jenny and all the other neshamos that were lost be for a blessing.

Random things going on, in no particular order

1) Y's bus route is changing on Monday and I have major anxiety about this. I dont like change. I really liked his busdriver and we had a good routine going. Did I mention that I don't like change? Also, the pick up is ten minutes earlier than before which is ridiculous. We live 20 blocks from the school. There is no reason for him to leave the house more than an hour before school begins. Which means I need to call the Board of Education, not my favorite thing to do. Sigh..
2) A. had her first play date this week with a friend from her new school. It went well I think and I loved how proud she was to introduce her brothers to her friend. This was how she introduced Y: "This is Y. He has Down Syndrome and goes to public school and he is 5. He is older than us." She said it so matter of factly, which was great to see.
3) M. is so cute and really not a baby anymore. He loves music and walks around the house singing "Bim, Bam...Hey" and "Ayay Shabbos Kodesh" and of course Uncle Moishy. There is an Uncle Moishy concert coming up in a few weeks and I am excited to take the kids there.
4) My parents are coming to visit in 10 days. Very much looking forward to seeing them and for them to see how great the kids are doing.
5) Y's school keeps calling me every time Y sneezes- well, not really sneezes but definitely not for urgent medical matters. And when I don't pick up the phone right away- which can happen on occasion, they call my father-in-law, who is our emergency contact. Except it's not an emergency. This happened twice in the last 10 days. Sorry Dad! They even made me pick him up from school on Monday, my official morning off, because he threw up. Not that I don't take my kid's health seriously, but he was totally fine. I, on the other hand, was grumpy because my morning of quiet had been cut short. Such is the life of a Mommy- never really off duty!
That's about all. What's new in your life- any exciting updates you want to share?

Mothers Judging Mothers

As you all know, I am a mother of three very active and young children, one of whom has special needs. Going to public spaces with all three of them can be challenging and it's not something I take lightly or even assign to others very often. Only babysitters who know my children well and are competent, have the "privilege" of taking my children to the park.
There is a playground, close to our apartment building that we go to several times a week. Although it is pretty big so that I cannot always see all the kids simultaneously, it is enclosed so I know they cannot escape.
Going to the playground with my children goes something like this. Open the gate. Wheel the stroller into the enclosed park. Open buckles for those children are strapped in and then turn around to find that all three children have taken off in three different direction. My kids are very familiar with the park so I mainly supervise them, checking to see what area they are playing in. I try to stay close to M, who is the youngest and most prone to injury or trouble. This system usually works pretty well and really, short of handcuffing them, there is no way for me to have all three children play in the same area all the time, and that would really inhibit their ability to play.
This afternoon, we took advantage of the beautiful weather and headed off to the park. All was proceeding well, and after about 45 minutes, it was time to round up the troops. M was near the stroller as was Y, so I went to find A. As I was looking for her, I saw Y and M head off to the monkey bars together, further away from the exit. I figured I would go get them in another minute. Having found A, we went to get the boys from the monkey bars. On the way, I ran into a woman I didn't know, who breathlessly told me that my baby was hysterically crying and lying on the ground. I rushed over to see Y and M coming towards me. M was indeed crying, although he did not seem quite hysterical to me. He was happy to see me and calmed down pretty quickly. A friend of mine informed me that M was crying because Y had pushed him. Not unheard of in our household.
On our way out of the park I saw the woman, who had told me about M crying, again. She looked at me critically and said, "You know he was crying. He was all alone and scared." I thanked her again for her help and told her that he was really fine now. She looked at M again and at me scathingly, and tried to impress upon me the tremendous trauma I had just inflicted on my child by leaving him unattended. At which point I politely told her to mind her own business and headed home, quite upset. M, meanwhile, far from being traumatized, was laughing at his sibling's shenanigans as we were walking.
In an ideal world, I would  be able to always be with my children all the time in the park. But I can't and I don't think the answer is to therefor hire full time help I cannot afford or, alternately, to never leave the house. These outings to the park teach my children independence and that I trust them to play safely. I think this mother read the situation wrong. M was not all alone and scared. He was playing with his older brother who was being a bit rough with him. Do I wish I could have been there to stop Y right away? Yes. Do I think it is a big tragedy that I wasn't? No.
I guess what was so upsetting was that I felt this woman was judging me without knowing anything about me, my children or the situation at hand. Unfortunately, judging other people's parenting has become very common. Everyone is a self-proclaimed expert and knows what everyone else is doing wrong. Ellen's post today at Love That Max shows just how far these judgements can go.
Maybe instead of being so critical, we can all give each other a break and not assume the worst when we see each other's children crying or misbehaving or even (gasp) unattended for a minute at the park. After all, us mothers are all in this together. Let's not make mothering any harder than it is already.

Things I do for my children

1) Bake cookies for Y- They are starting to bake in Y's class and because the oven and ingredients there aren't kosher I had to send in a substitute he could eat. I was going to buy store bought cookiesbut wanted him to have something fresh, like the other kids. So I spent an hour on Wednesday night making sugar cookies and even put in little bits of apple, because the class was making apple waffle cookies, whatever that is. And guess what? They didn't even end up baking today. So much for that!
2) When A came into our bedroom at the unearthly hour of 6 am this morning clutching her water bottle, I used my calmest and softest voice to inform her that it was still dark outside and there was no possibility of me getting up anytime soon, even if just to refill her waterbottle. When she requested to lie down next to me, I graciously moved over and made some space.
3) After an hour in the park, I let Baby M walk home the whole way (except for crossing the street, when I carried him while simultaneously pushing a double stroller) even though his version of walking consists of walking a few steps, then stopping to go backwards, check out the garbage,trees, etc, walking a few steps, stopping yet again, walking for a minute or two, stopping again...you get the picture. Longest walk home EVER!

And that, my friends, is why I am Supermom. (in case you dont realize it- this is me being sarcastic!)
What about you? What good deeds have you done for your kids this week?